Not Yours

IX

                                Atlas

It's been I think so long since the day I have someone by my side looking at this CD's and other music related things. Since Tristan and Knight get married in France, Trey graduated and migrated to France and since that day, I realize silence isn't peace at all.

Last week, an unexpected visitor knock at my door. Together with Trey who's now an adult, the couple came and bring back the noise that was once in my apartment. Something's missing but nevermind.

"By the way, kuya Atlas, si kuya Kai? Hindi mo ba tinawagan?" He said, sipping his drink. Scratching my head, I once again take a look at his name in my contacts. I shook my head gently. "He's busy with his wife," Answering, an image pop-up in my mind. My brother myself and her wife, happily hugging holding each others hands.

I felt my lungs just exhaled all the oxygen I have. "Lalabas lang ako, papahangin." That's the last thing I said before leaving them. Arriving at home, It was already all clean. According to the sticky pink note I found in the dining table, they already left and Trey's also sorry about bringing him up.

Honestly, I don't mind hearing his name as he was the best thing I've ever had. He was the reason why me and dad get back to the way we used to be. He was. But yet, he's also the reason why am I in this state. Kasalanan nga ba niya o kasalanan ko?

I opened the shop's door. Nothing changes in here. It is still the same shop we used to go when buying CD's to listen. I know the existence of online music platforms but I still prefers CD. We both prefer. "Buying one, kuya?" Someone said to my right. When did he get here?

"Yeah," my eyes secretly scans him whole. He did change like Tristan told me. "Its a surprise to see you here." I said, trying not to look at him. I don't wanna fall from his again beauty even though he change a lot. He is my brother.

Kai chuckled. "Bakit? Akala mo ikaw lang ang mas bet 'to?" I don't hear any sarcasm in his voice so I just laugh a bit. "Kaya magkasundo tayo."

Both of us, got out of the shop laughing and talking about things. 5:50 pm is still not dark but instead shady so we chose to sit in a park where the sunset can be easily seen.

Silence. I never heard silence was this loud. Well, not totally. Noise behind us are heard clearly. Barks of dogs, laughters of childrens, parents calling their kids, and car's noise. It's peaceful but again, not I had wished for.

"Atlas," he call. Damn, my name sounds so special when it comes from his mouth. Please always call me that. "I don't want to have problems to someone who's suppose to be my brother so..." He finally look at me. "Let's talk things out."

My hands began to shake while my heart skips a bit. I know I already said he's pretty but him being kissed by the sun is too bad for my heart. Can't help but to admire him more. "Sure... When should we start?" I clenched my fist and pay attention to another beautiful sight Infront of me.

The air feels colder. "Maybe... At the time you see me and my wife naked."

Wife. Yeah, right.

Kai sighed. "The night before it, she and Yreneah went with me to drink. Walang nasa isip ko noon pero ikaw. Ang pagkakaiba sa paghalik mo sa'kin at sa kaniya. Lahat 'yon nasa isip ko nang gabing 'yon," of course, there's a difference. I want yours but I'm reluctant of kissing her.
"The way you kiss her... Kita ng dalawang mga mata ko kung paano kaiba. You seem to enjoy it. You enjoy so much that you forgot I was seating across the room. Naiisip ko nga, did you really enjoy our kiss? O nagkukunwari ka lang?" I'm sorry for showing you that I enjoy it but I don't. I didn't enjoy it, you're not her. 

He laughs. "I feel like a ghost in that room. Every night, when you sleep, umiiyak ako. Iniisip ko kung deserve ko ba 'to kasi bakla ako? Punishment na ba 'to? And then I decided to left the house with the two friends I trust the most. Never did I think to have s*x with my best friend." But you did. "I'm drunk that I don't even remember what happened. I want to explain, chase after you but I don't. I don't want to hurt you and myself. I... Planned on resting myself before I explain myself to you but I impregnate her," his hand pats mine. "Do I sound unfair with my words? I'm sorry, kuya."

My head's aching for all the things he had said. It looks like he saying it was my fault that he did it but then I know Kai himself can't recall everything he did when his spirit belongs to alcohol that's why I don't want him to get drink but would he do that if I  insist to talk about that accident even though he resist?

I shake my head firmly. "No, no, It wasn't unfair. You are just stating what you felt. I'm sorry too," finally I said after a long silence. "It was my fault. I hurt you not once but twice with the same mistake I promise not to. Funny that I promise I won't do those sh*tty dares but did it Infront of you." He held my head and rest it on his shoulder. "Please don't blame yourself. Hindi mo naman ako inutusan na gawin 'yon. Kuya, can you promise me not to repeat it to your future partner?"

Umalis ako sa braso niya bago siya tinignan. He is smiling but I see the seriousness in his eyes. I lift my pinky finger. "I promise not to do it and be good to them if I ever got one again." He then link his pinky to mine. "That's the spirit. Wishing y—"

His words are interrupted by the ring of his phone. "Hello? Yeah just having a talk with someone... Gaga, I'm not. Mukha mo pero I'm near the groceries, want me to buy some ice cream?... Copy that... Opo, lola... Bye-bye, love you."

He picks up his bag. "But then, kuya, i don't really regret of marrying her. She's one of a kind," he smiles to me. "Hanap na 'ko ng asawa ko, kuya. Let's hear your thoughts next time. Send my regards to mom and dad. Take care!" He then left running. 

After he left, I look up at the bluish sky that anytime will be succumbed in  darkness. Somehow, my heart feels a little light. There's still some things we haven't cleared yet but I can wait. I just hope I can smile again like him and found a love like him.

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Disclaimer: Hindi ko po tinotolerate ang mga cheater na dinadahilan na lasing kaya nanloko ha? It's a character lang Po ni Kai na hindi makatanda kapag lasing and may ganoong tao rin pero bihira so I'm sorry if I sounded like that( ･ั﹏･ั).

Have good day/afternoon/night!