Not Yours

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                          Cyrille

Nakahalukipkip na nakatuon ang mata ko sa telebisyon. Ramdam ko na rin side-effect ng paglinga-linga ko. Kahit Kailan, hindi umuwi si Kai Ng late. Kung sakali man, tawag o text ang makukuha ko pero iba ngayon. Wala rin namang kaso sana 'yon pero ang sama ng pakiramdam ko. Tumitibok ang mga ugat ko sa ulo samantalang lalabas na ang puso ko.

"Wifey, I'm sorry i'm-Cy!" Ang matigas niyang dibdib at braso ang naramdaman ko na lang matapos magdilim saglit ang paligid. "You okay?"

"O-oo, ayos lang." Pero prank lang ata at muli rin akong bumalik sa kaniyang bisig matapos muntik na namang mawalan ng panimbang.

Doon ko lang din napansin ang mga pinamili niya. Para namang nanlambot ang nasosobrahan sa palpitate kong puso. Nabili niya 'yong favorite ko! He is an ideal husband .

MALIWANAG na ang sikat ng araw sa labas. Panibagong araw kung saan mag-isa na naman si mima Cyrille. Charot. Dahan-dahan na akong bumaba sa kama habang ang isang kamay nasa tiyan. Kasing laki nang pakwan ang tiyan ko kaya mahirap ng magbasta-basta. Hindi lang naman kasi ako ang nakikinabang.

Nagsuklay lang ako sa harap ng salamin pero parang may kulang? Kagigising ko lang kaya-"Oh shit! Si Kai!" Gagi, ang alam ko nag-alarm ako kagabi. Hindi naman umulan para hindi ko marinig.

Binuksan ko ang refrigerator at kinuha halos lahat ng pwedeng lutuin. Ihahatid ko na lang siguro 'to pagkatapos. Hindi kasi pwedeng wala siyang baon ngayon, hell week daw sabi niya.

"Eh? Pagkakatanda ko nahugasan ko 'tong kawali kagabi ah. Nakalimutan ko ba?" Bulong ko pero hindi ko naman pala nakalimutan. Lumitaw bigla si Kai sa likuran ko. Siya rin pala 'yung gumamit ng kawali. Wala rin siyang pasok kaya heto at stuck kami sa gitna ng traffic.

Kanina matapos ang agahan, inaya niya 'kong lumabas. Akala ko nagbibiro lang siya last three days, issaprank daw. Ayos nga ang prank kaya prinank ko rin siya pabalik. Hindi ko siya kinausap:). Charot.

Hindi natuloy 'yon dahil agad na binawi ang sanang day-off niya. Ayaw pa ngang pumasok pero pinilit ko. Para nga lang siyang batang iiwan ng magulang sa school matapos kong pilitin.

"Want me to buy you something?" Tanong niya habang karga lahat ng baby things na binili namin. Parang oa pero ang importante handa. "Hmm... Nag-c-crave ako sa pizza." Sagot ko saka binuksan ang pinto.

Tinitigan niya lang ako. May mali ba 'kong nasabi? "Buntis ka ngang talaga." Anito saka nilapag ang mga dala. "Ay bakit hindi—sagutin mo na kanina pa 'yan." Ngumiti lang ito ng alanganin bago lumabas.

Limang buwan. Limang buwan na simula magkasama silang tumira Ng the best of the best friend niya. Apat na buwan na rin siyang mag-isa sa bahay at wala sa trabaho. Kumusta na kaya ang mga kaibigan niya roon?

Speaking of trabaho, laging maaga ang uwi ng asawa niya simula last week. Nagiging double care at sweet na rin ang bakla. Sweet naman talaga si Kai pero mukhang lumala ngayon.

"Wifey, okay ka lang?"

Jusko lord ano bang nangyayari? Ayokong mahulog lalo sa asawa ko at kinakabahan ako sa mga kilos niya ngayon. Tyaka wifey? Corny pero ang sarap marinig sa tainga. Dagdag mo na 'yong random I love you. Iisipin pa lang 'yon, mas lalo lang lumala ang init sa aking pisngi

"Wifey, aalis muna ako. Saglit lang ako," dinampian niya ng halik ang aking labi. "Ako na bahala sa mga gamit na 'yan mamaya, go rest. Babye!" At nawala na siya sa paningin ko.

Arataghdhdhjdjdvb. Please have mercy on my heart, Kai Wolkzbin.

Atlas

This is it. This is the last time I'll to my brother about our past. After this, I'm going to talk to him as brothers. No more, no less. I also want to set myself free. Free from pain, from painful memories.

"Sorry! May ginawa kasi kami." he sat down panting. "Okay lang, I just arrive too." We met at the same park we are last time but in a shady area.

"So... How was you're wife? Her health at ng magiging pamangkin ko?" Sipping my drink, I stare at the beautiful clouds at the sky. Calming as usual. "Oh, both of them are fine. Can't wait to see the little guy though." No one then dares to talk again. We just let the silence engulf us but I also want to settle this now. I want to be happy.

"Kai," I called. Let's do it. "Can I have my say too? I also want to explain my side. Can I?"

"Sure, I want to listen to yours."

Sighing deeply, I went to borrow strength from the chair I'm sitting in. "First, gusto kong sabihin na... I'm sorry for making you feel that way. It wasn't my intention. The time I kiss Leine, all I could thing is you. I want to apologize to you over and over but you start to put distance. At first I don't understand why, I even force myself to hate you for pushing me away but the night before I arrive at our apartment, I realize I was at wrong," looking down, I remember how I cry so much that the bouncer of the bar I'm in, kick me out for throwing a fit inside. "I'm the one who hurt you twice but I'm not going to say that what you did is also justifiable," I look at his side and there's already a lone of tear in his right eye, making me sigh deeper. "And at the same time, not entirely you're fault. But you know what? I don't hate you for what you did. It hurts, yes but... I...can't bring myself to do so. I also don't hate Cyrille for that. I know her. It must've been hard for her to handle the drunk version of yours. Is that the first time she sees you in that state?" He nodded.

"Oh, that's why. Please send my apology for shouting and looking at her so bad. And..." I put my hand in his shoulders. "I forgive you, Kai." He suddenly the burst to tears and grab me for a hug. I just caress his head while he cries of thanks. After crying, he then stands up and left in hurry, a smile in his face.

My heart... Felt lighter than ever. Is forgiving really that great? If so, my decision is good.

Thank you Lord for giving me courage to do this, I owe my peace.

Kai

Being forgiven by someone feels so great but seeing the person I love so happy, makes me more happy. She's even smiling at her sleep, so cute. "Wifey, wake up. Your pizza is downstairs." I whispered and kisses her forehead and belly then leave the room.

My brother forgave me already so all I need to worry is how am I gonna confess this crazy feeling inside.

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I hope you enjoy this chapter! Have a good day, after and goodnight.