The Suggs

Chapter 73

"Joe?" I don't see him anywhere around but I'm sure he came home. He has been clubbing somewhere with Sawyer and Tyler and I've heard him coming home. It's already half past two and I wanted to sleep since 12 am but I wasn't able to, I'm never comfortable with being on my own at night.

I've been trying my hardest not to freak out and not having a panic attack the past few hours. I often felt like giving up, but then I realized a panic attack without Joe or Zoe here.. I kept on trying and I was really relieved when I heard the front door.

I slowly walk down the stairs. I suddenly get overwhelmed by the thought of that a stranger came in instead of Joe. I shake my head. No this must be Joe, the door was locked, right? I walk to the living room and hear someone in there, definitely. I slowly open the door, I'm scared for my life. "Kayla?"

I hear Joe's voice and I quickly walk into the room, I'm happy he's here and not some stranger. I look at Joe and I freeze. Me thinking that Joe was in here was half true. Joe is sitting on the couch, but there's someone else as well, it's a girl. And they were making out. They only stopped because I walked in.

I feel like I can't breathe, I feel like someone just put me down with a knife in my chest. I just stand there, looking at them, for quite a long moment. Then I open my mouth to speak but I feel so much pain. "Joe.. why?" I say with a really high pitched voice. "Why are you doi.." Before I can finish my sentence the girl looks up to me.

It's Jamie.

I feel overwhelmed with feelings, I feel angry, but I mainly feel upset. I feel like I want to disappear of this earth, right now. I see myself walking away, and smashing the door, as hard as I can. I'm still here, in the room with Joe and Jamie, but at the same time I've just seen myself walking away. Joe shrugs and continues making out with Jamie.

I scream as hard as I can but they don't hear me. I run towards them, try to make Joe seeing me, but he can't. I'm not here anymore, I'm only just seeing this. I run out of the room, following myself, who has left the room a few minutes ago.

I'm searching for myself, I must be somewhere in this house. I know I wouldn't be so stupid to go outside now, even though I'm really upset. I walk upstairs again as I can't find myself anywhere downstairs. I've searched everywhere.

When I walk up the stairs I hear myself crying. I listen where it's from. My crying comes out of the bathroom, of course. I enter it and see myself, cutting myself, with a lot of passion. Determined to hurt myself, a lot.

"Stop!" I scream at myself but I don't listen. I scream again, in my own face but the other me acts like I don't exist, only concentrating on cutting. "This is not making anything better!" I scream while crying but the other me doesn't give a fuck about what I'm saying and keeps on cutting. Blood drops fall on the ground and so does the razor now, I'm relieved I've dropped it. My wrists are bleeding badly, they are so much worse than the other time I've cut. I look at myself, falling on the ground, in pain, physically but mainly mentally.

I finally get to my bed. I've been watching myself crying and being depressed for a long time now and I realize I can't do anything about it anymore. I get into the empty bed, knowing that it will be empty for the rest of the night.

I startle when I see the door opening, hoping it's not Joe. That asshole better stays away from me now. I find myself walking into the room, just like I did a minute ago. My face is looking exhausted.

I sigh relieved, but I thought it too quickly and the next thing what happens is Joe walking into the room. I watch myself looking scared at Joe. "Please, Joe, go away! I don't want to see you anymore!" Joe keeps on walking and punches me in my face without any proper reason. What the fuck, why did Joe do that? I'm the one should be mad! "Because you disappoint me." He leaves the room again. I look at myself. Standing there, exhausted and upset, holding my hand on my burning cheek.