The Suggs

Chapter the end?

(Sorry for switching povs in this chapter)

Joe's pov

I open my eyes, not completely sure where I am. I look around me and realize I'm in Kayla's bedroom, but without Kayla. I pull the duvet a bit higher and just stare at the ceiling. She's probably to the toilet or something, I'll wait for her.

I grab my phone and look through Twitter a bit. I feel so bad for being the reason why Kayla has cut. Were the cuts in America also the same? Probably. I sigh and think back to what happened tonight. Yes I was really angry, and I still am but I just needed to be with her.

Kayla walks back into the room without saying anything and lays down again, but this time a few more inches away from me. I frown but she probably doesn't realize that I'm awake. I roll back to my other side and close my eyes. We should sleep.

I open the door of the apartment. I decided to take Kayla with me. I don't want to leave her alone anymore. "Caspar! We're home!" Caspar walks upstairs and forces a smile when he sees Kayla. What's up with him?

Kayla gets an incoming call and walks downstairs to answer it. Caspar grabs my wrist and pulls me to the couch. "Joe." He says. "I need to tell you something but I'm not sure how. I just need to tell you."

I nod my head. "Sure Caspar, you can tell me everything." He sighs. He gets nervous again and I smile. He's cute. Wait what?

"I think I'm gay Joe.."

Okay that was NOT what I expected. I don't think that makes any difference to me though. I pull him in for a tight hug. "That's okay Caspar."

I pull back a bit and he smiles. "I'm happy you understand." His blue eyes, which are bluer than ever, are looking straight into mine. I don't want to look away from them.

Kayla's pov

"Hey!" I answered the phone quickly. "Hey Kay!" Zoe's voice sounds so happy, as always. I've walked downstairs to put my stuff in Joe's room. "What's up?" I ask and put my bag down.

"Kay, I'm moving out."

I startle. "Wait what?" I ask, not completely realizing what's going on. "I'm going to move in with Alfie.." She says. "If you're okay with it of course?" I don't know what to feel right now. "Yeah." I mumble. "Thanks Kay! Sorry for being this random but I'm going to pack my stuff then! You can obviously stay here if you'd like, and I'll pay my rent for the next two months or so, till you decided to get a new roommate or something."

I disconnected and walk upstairs slowly. Everything starts slowly sinking in. "Zoe is going to leave me." I mumble, walking the stairs step by step.

Joe's pov

Caspar's face is looking different in this light though. "I'm so glad you understand Joe." He says, and smiles friendly. I put my hand on his shoulder and smile back at him.

We just keep on looking at each other for a long moment. I never thought I'd say this but, damn he looks hot.

Joe?! What the heck are you on about?

I feel this weird feeling in my stomach and I don't understand. Then Caspar starts leaning in, really slowly. I don't feel the need to stop him. Being less than an inch away from me, he suddenly stops and pulls back quickly.

We both look to the stairs where Kayla is just standing, in shock. "Kayla! It's not what it seems like." I quickly walk to her. I try to take hold of her hand but she walks back a bit. "No, I'll just.." She points behind her to the stairs while walking backwards.

"Kayla.." I follow her downstairs, even though I shouldn't. She turns around slowly, her eyes standing sad and hurt. Fuck, what have I done?

"Kayla, listen please.." She shakes her head. "It's.. It's okay Joe, I mean, it isn't but I won't stop you. Just, make your life worth it, and don't disappoint yourself. Please just make yourself happy. You should stay friends with yourself, don't be like me.."

She walks towards me and gives me a hug, but not a Kayla hug, like what she usually does. She usually gives really tight long hugs, this time she barely touches me. "I love you Joe, please love yourself."

And with that said, Kayla left the apartment, and I didn't stop her.

Kayla's pov (again SORRY)

I walk through the cold streets of London. I don't what to feel, neither where to go. Zoe, my best friend, has left me. My boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, is in love with his roommate and turns out to be gay? I've no family left and people on Twitter hate me for being with Joe. Way to go Kayla.

And the worst thing of all is, I hate myself as well.

I walk to the apartment of me and Zoe. Well. No, just my apartment now. It's empty, of course. I sit down on the couch, feeling broken. Fuck it.

I'm not going to wait any longer. This will be my last day. I don't want to have to deal with the pain I can't even feel anymore right now. I feel like I'm mentally dead already. I've lost my mind, literally.

Joe and Zoe where the only reasons for me to keep on going. Now I'm without them, so no one would even care. They will be better off without me.

I've written a few goodbye letters. I've cried while writing them, and I've finally managed to finish Joe's letter as well. I look through them one last time.

Zoe
Caspy
Max
Lia
Hanna
Joe

That's it and I think it's more than enough. I make sure they will get these letters. I walk outside, through the snow. I'm happy it's cold. That will make me feel less.

I get to the place me and Joe were together one night. I remember it perfectly. I smile while thinking back to him. He was wonderful.

I make sure I can't swim anymore and that I'll sink, not that someone will randomly find me. Yes, I've thought this through. I'll jump into the lack in only seconds.

I can fake a smile.

I step a bit closer to the lack.

I can force a laugh.

I look down, knowing that my peace will be there.

I can dance and play the part.
If that's what you ask.
Give you all I am.

Tears start streaming down my cheeks.

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down

My toes are already over the edge.

I'm only human
And I crash and I break down

I close my eyes, seeing Joe in front of me, god I love him.

Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart

Joe suddenly turns around and kisses Caspar.

'Cause I'm only human

I'm ready. "I love you Joe." I mumble softly, wiping my tears away.
"I always will."

I can take so much

I jump.

'Til I've had enough