Why was he late? I told him to come two hours ago. Did he forget that I needed to talk to him? I made a fancy dinner for us and got a bottle of wine for us. And after the dinner and drinks, I was going to confess my love to him. I have had this big and hopeless crush on him. I thought he was the best person in the world.
I remember when My boyfriend cheated on me, he would always whisper sweet phrases in my ear, and tell me that I deserve better and that stuff. When he did that, he made he feel special. Like I actually have a purpose.
Every time we would hug each other, I love the way our bodies would fit so well together. I loved when we touched. Sometimes, when we would walk out of a movie, or when we walk to Starbucks, or when we shop, he held my hand in his. He made me feel butterflies.
He always told the best jokes. Well they actually were pretty lame, but when he laughs at his own stupidity, it makes the joke a whole lot better. His laugh is contagious, and absolutely adorable.
He is caring. The way he hugs me tightly into him, makes me feel... safe. Before we moved in with each other, I was certain that I would regret moving in with him, knowing how much trouble we get ourselves into. But now, I don't have to have the constant reminder that someone might try to hurt me. And He made that happen.
But now, here I am. Sitting on the living room floor crying over my best friend, who I love more than a friend. But knowing that he didn't even bother to show up makes the little hope die down inside me. Now I know that he won't run through that door and hug me. We won't watch a whole marathon of SpongeBob with each other while we cuddle. He won't tell me that I make him happy or I am the best friend he could ever have because its not true. If I meant that much to him, then why didn't he show up?
My wet tears are wetting the entire floor, but I don't mind. I guess I'm used to all of the pain that I don't even care about the little things that used to bother me anymore. I haven't been social lately either. When we went to parties, I would always be by myself, while the others were being happy. For some reason, I don't want to be happy. I don't want to be with everybody. I like to just sit around and watch them have fun. I like seeing the people I love happy even though I can never be happy myself. I just like to let myself suffer and be unhappy instead. And I guess I like it that way.
Maybe its all my fault. I am so stupid to ever think he loves me like that. He will only love me like a friend and it will only stay that way. Maybe I'm crushing on my best friend just because I'm desperate. I'm a lonely person who is trying too hard at finding somebody to love me just as much as I love them. What if he just thinks I'm weak, a nobody, desperate, lonely, or too fragile. He obviously does not feel the same way or else he would be here. Why do I still care. This love was never meant to be and its never going to happen Either. I should give up.
But I love him too much. And I know he is too blind to my everlasting love for him. He just hasn't realized this yet. I am in love with this person. I have never felt so in love with one person in my whole life.
I stood up from the cold floor, and walked out to the balcony. It was a beautiful day and the sun was setting out in the distance. I looked at the scenery and sighed. I looked down and saw the people on the streets with their friends. Adults with their children who were racing to see who can get to the car the quickest. And I saw couples holding hands and kissing. They seemed to have the love I have always longed for. I want to share that love with him though. I really care about him. I love him. I looked into the Beautiful sky and let the tears fall again. I know he loves me but not like that. I love him, but more than an friend. I can never get him out of my head, ever. "I love you so so much Scott, and don't ever forget that," I yelled out into the sky hoping someone would hear me out in the distance.
