Benchwarmer ✔️

Chapter 31

"Cam!" Anton shouts running over before we all start to head to the field for practice. I was feeling good today. Cameron and I had a big moment yesterday and I really feel like it helped with my confidence.

I was really close to talking to Dylan about how I felt because this constant feeling of sadness was starting to really affect me. Even when I was happy I felt like I had to be sad. "What's up?" Cameron asked looking back at him.

"I gotta finish some test- so I'll be late to practice" he huffs having ran from the school to tell us. "Okay cool- we still going to your house?" He asks receiving a nod.

"Yup- see you soon!" He shouts, already turning back towards the school. Our fellow teammates watched him run back in as I pulled my shoes on ready for the day.

I so badly wanted to just hug Dylan but I knew I couldn't do that in public so I stayed as close to him as I could while we waited to start.

We did a quick run and some warms up before we're all set up on the field to work on settling the ball. Coach was a no-show today so we all frantically were kicking balls back and forth trying to get everyone some practice.

Terence curses and comes stomping over. "Watch where you are kicking! You about took my head off you talentless piece of shit!" He yells shoving me to the side. "I didn't even have a ball, I'm sorry but it wasn't me" I apologize calmly but he doesn't care getting the rest of the team to stop.

"I don't understand why you are still here! Nobody and I mean nobody wants you here. Your bodyguard isn't here so why even show up!" He yells putting his finger in my face as I watch with wide eyes.

"What did I do to any of you!?" I yell back and he shoved me again. "Because I'm tan I'm some sort of disgusting monster!?" I laugh angrily getting shoved to the ground. This time I stand and shove him back.

"Tell me what I did!" I yell again. "You living is the problem. I don't think you're hearing me clearly nobody wants you hear and yet you're still here" My breathing picked up as my eyes flickered over all the players who were watching and waiting for what I had to say.

I looked for Dylan and Cameron and the two were next to each other just watching me. We just talked about how Cameron wanted to help yesterday we just talked about it. Did he already forget.

We can be in a relationship but they can't be seen with me they're embarrassed by me. "Not even them- you act like those two like you. Almost like they're some nice people. They aren't just because they tolerate your whining doesn't mean they want to. Luis they hate you! Everybody hates you!" He storms away before stopping and picking the ball up, the one that must have almost hit him in the head.

He looks at it for a little before turning and chuckling it at me. I take it in the shoulder and bite my lip. This is why I asked if I should quit. The humiliation, the pain, the mental abuse.

I made the walk of shame to my bag and grabbed it walking towards the locker room not bothering to take my cleats off. I didn't bother looking at my so called boyfriend and crush either.

Disappearing through the door I changed into my comfortable clothes and sat on one of the benches resting my elbow on my knees as I hid my face into my hands.

"I fucking hate me- he's not wrong. Nobody likes you... nobody. Not even your own family." I rub my face the need to just do whatever to stop the pain in my chest that was killing me. Standing up, I stared in the mirror at myself.

I wasn't crying. I shouldn't cry. Not yet- I can't not again. I scratch my arms anxious and wanting to feel something other than the pain in my heart. Taking a deep breath I just walked back and forth scratching without thinking. When I finally managed to calm myself down, I grabbed my bag and cringed at the stinging feeling.

It felt nice though distracted me from thinking to much. I left the locker room and walked towards the front of the school and sat on the steps to wait for whoever wanted to take me to their
house at this point.

Not even twenty minutes later the soccer team was leaving. Must have ended early. I could see Anton stomping his way over here. I went to my pocket and grabbed my phone panicking, he probably texted me.

As I thought.

'Where are you?'
'What did they do!'
'I'm ending this practice here and now! I don't care if your little boyfriend doesn't like it!'
'I see you- I'm coming'

I looked at my arms the white and faint pink scratches still on my arms. I hurried into my bag and put my sweatshirt on. I've never scratched myself that bad. They'll worry. It's helps though. It helps me.

"Let's go" Anton pulls me up and I follow. The other two boys running from the field to get to their cars probably so they can follow Anton. I hop into his blazer and buckle hugging my bag to much chest. My other bags were in Dylan's car still.

"Are you okay?" He asked pulling out of the parking lot. "Of course" I answer and that leads to the rest of the ride to his house being silent.

I was given many hugs as soon as we got there from Hazel and Penelope and both begged me to play with them. I picked up Hazel missing the feeling of holding my brother as Penelope led me to her room to play.

I looked out the window as the two other vehicles pulled in, but ultimately went back to playing with the girls. Knowing Avery she was still in her room.

I stayed with them until it was time for dinner. Colton had made some grilled chicken, with some salad and we all just kind of grabbed what we wanted. I was followed by their fluffy dog while walking back to the table. Sitting next to Dylan, I pulled at the sweatshirt that I was dying in.

The four of us boys ate silently while the girls chattered and giggled with each other all wanting to play after. Colton and Andreas eyed us all suspiciously wondering why we were so quiet. You could tell by the way their eyes flickered back and forth.

I heard them question Anton about practice but he said there was some complications and nothing else. Finishing my food the rest followed me and Anton showed me where to put my dishes in the the dishwasher the two other boys copying.

I waved to the girls at the table eating and all four of us made our way upstairs to Anton's room. The air mattress was set up and I was ready to sleep.

I took my sweatshirt off and I'm hugged from behind. "You okay?" Dylan asked kissing my cheek. Do I look like I'm okay? "Yeah so let's stop being awkward" I laugh and the mood immediately lightens up.

He continues to hug me as I just stare forward. Terence is right. Why am I here? Is it worth it? Sure they give me attention in private but in public they are just part of the bullying.

They didn't even try to do anything when he said that they hated me and just tolerated me. They still haven't. "Why don't we just sleep- it's been a stressful day" Dylan suggests as Anton starts to set up a movie.

Cameron comes over and cups my cheek making me look up at him. "I'm glad you're okay" he smiles leaning in to kiss me. I kiss back but I really didn't feel it. You can't even say one word in my defense but when we are hidden away I'm here for his affection.

The tears I had been keeping in all day were starting to brim in my eyes as I continued to kiss him. Dylan ran his hand up my arm and I moved it away feeling a painful burn .

I'm pulled back as he examines my arms with a concerned look. "What happened!?" He asked Anton hearing and coming over. "It's just a nervous habit" I whisper scratching the inside of my elbow.

My hands taken away and Cameron kisses my cheek. "Luis that's not-" I cut him off pushing him away. "Don't you dare tell me what's not okay- he told me that just by living I'm a problem" I let the tears just fall. Backing away I quickly attempt to dry the tears and stop my crying.

"I'm going in here- to yeah" I smile and give them a thumbs up before going into Anton's bathroom. Locking the door, I slide to the floor and try to quietly let the tears fall.

Am I overreacting?