The Nights We Felt Alive

Chapter Three- Restless, Obsessed with Your Future

Jack POV:

I groan as I see the light from Alex's window come through his room. I rub my head, trying to remember the events of last night and it came back to me pretty quick. Wait... Did I kiss Alex? Why did he kiss me? What the hell was I thinking... oh god. What if Alex remembers, well then I'm completely fucked. Wait, did I kiss him or was it him? Fuck... Fuck... Fuck I should leave I hope he doesn't remember. He will just want to be friends, he probably isn't even gay like me. I see his eyes flutter a little bit, and I totally freak out after that. I slip my arms out from under him, and I slide my body down to the bottom of his bed to not wake him up. I pulled up the covers over him. He looked so peaceful while he slept, his honey blonde hair messed up was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. His head rested on the pillow, and his lips were pursed and his hands held against his chest. I smiled a little, and I realized I was only wearing boxers and a shirt. I wondered if these were even my clothes honestly, and I had no clue. I pulled on my jeans, and I saw my puke-covered shirt on the floor. I sighed, and picked it up, and put some water by Alex's nightstand and a wastebasket too. I thought it would at least be courteous to leave a note, I didn't want to lose him. I grabbed a pen off Alex's desk and found some piece of paper lying around.

Lex-

Sorry I had to leave so quickly. FYI you got wasted at a party with me, so try to not do anything too stupid this weekend. Hope you're okay. -Jack

I walked out of his house and walked to my car, and started driving home. When I got home, both of my parents were home and my sister came down from New York this weekend. I walked in, and I could smell the aroma of my mothers cooking from the kitchen which instantly made me nauseous because of my hangover.

"Jack, I didn't expect you to be home this early," my mom laughed.

"Felt sick, came home," I muttered as I slowly walked up the stairs. My body hurt from carrying Alex around, and from drinking.

"You were probably partying with Alex," May laughed sitting next to my dad on the couch.

I rolled my eyes and went upstairs to the bathroom and I started a bath. I ended up puking while waiting for it to fill up, and after I got undressed I saw my phone buzz on the bathroom counter. I glanced at it briefly, and I saw it was a text from Alex.

Alex: Hey got your note. You could have stayed if you wanted... I don't remember much but I'm sure it was fun Jack.

I knew he wouldn't remember.

Jack: yeah it was if you remember anything let me know

Alex: Oh shit did I do something stupid again?

Jack: I wouldn't say it like that Lex but just promise to tell me okay?

Alex: Okay feel better soon

I shut off my phone and sighed in disappointment. It was hard being gay, and in love with your best friend who doesn't and will never have a clue. Zack and Rian both knew about my crush on Alex, it was obvious for both of them honestly. If anyone looked close enough, they could probably see it too. The rest of the weekend went by pretty fast, and I was dreading going to school. I don't know if I could even look Alex in the eye right now, I felt so guilty. The only reason I did was that I liked him so much, and I was scared of getting hurt. I was ignoring all my texts on Sunday, and I couldn't even bear to look at them. Monday morning came eventually, and then I was getting ready to go to school. I got in my car and drove there, and walked to my first class which was one of the only ones I didn't have with Alex. It was my photography class, I always liked photography just as much as I liked playing guitar. It was peaceful watching the black and white photographs reveal themselves in the mixture of chemicals in the darkroom. Alex always let me take pictures of him for my projects, he always had model tendencies you could say. After that class the nerves hit me, I probably should have checked my texts before running into Alex in the hallway.

"Hey uh I've been trying to text you all weekend can we talk?" he asked me as he moved me over to the other side of the hallway.

"Yeah I guess so... what's up?" I ask him trying to be unknowing of what I have a feeling he will bring up.

"I remember uhm kissing you... that wasn't a dream right?" Alex asks me fidgeting with his hands slightly.

"No uhm yeah you kissed me," I muttered. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, and my palms began to get sweaty. Don't even get your hopes up, he doesn't even like you.

Alex's face turned white, and it looked like he regretted it instantly. I didn't want him to regret it, I wanted my best friend to realize how I felt. "Jack, I'm sorry, I was just drunk, it meant nothing," Alex sighed, pressing his hand to his forehead.

"Oh okay," I said looking down at my feet. I wanted to tell him everything that went through my head about him but all I could get out was gasps between my lips.

"What's wrong?" He asked me as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Nothing it's nothing Alex," I said, wiping his hand off my shoulder.

He looked at me in shock a little, but he nodded and we walked to our next class together. I was spaced out the whole time, and I just felt like I couldn't bear it anymore. Zack and Rian knew something happened because we could barely form sentences around each other for the remainder of the day. I was exhausted when the final bell rang, I practically speed-walked to my car to get home. But I saw him... waiting for me in my car.

"Jack? Did I do something to upset you? Be honest with me please Jacky," he begged, grabbing my hand.

"Yeah Alex you did... did you even realize I had feelings for you? You know I'm gay, but no we are just friends that's all I am to you," I said with tears filling my eyes.

Alex looked at me with sadness, maybe even sympathy, he felt bad for doing this. But he looked up at me with something else in his eyes. "Jack, I'm so sorry, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen at all. In all honesty, I was in love with you too... and I still am. I just can't be with you, I'm closeted. I don't know if I can do this," He sighed, beginning to wipe his eyes.

I was shocked, he actually liked me and it wasn't all inside my head. "Alex no one has to know," I said, grabbing his hand.

"No one has to know," He smiled faintly as he moved closer to me. I helped him get inside my car, and I looked into his eyes. He smiled, and put his hand gently on my face and pulled me in, and kissed me. It wasn't our sloppy drunk kiss, it was more... It was passionate.