all the poems i ever wrote..

After Christmas

-After Christmas- 

To: the missing snowflake...

When Christmas tree lights went out

I dug myself a hole in the ground.

Lay there in a snowflake gown

Feeling the water of too much salt

Turn into snowflakes,

Accessories matching my gown.

Along it came memories

From last Christmas,

You and me and our families

Playing board games,

Sipping on marshmallow-hot chocolate,

Giggles were the carols

And it was home, with everyone near

No matter what destination we were.

Red sweaters and uggs on our feet,

Elf ears and dads with Santa beards,

And our mothers with their misfortune

In kitchen baking feasts.

All in all a perfect family vacation.

But this new year,

Is starting without you

And lacks a month full of memories

We promised to keep making with each other.

But you are not here

And now, can never be...

It was here! I know it too well!

It was here! Where I moan you for weeks!

But you never came back to me

Or told me the reason for your departure.

Life is so bleak

Without you in it.

Everything feels like a nightmare walking,

Cornering me, feeding me lies of reality.

There is no one here for me to look out for,

And no one who would look out for me.

I have no one to warm, hold my hands,

No one to listen to my tears,

No one who would hate the world more

For what it keeps doing to me.

I have no one to be for,

Protect from the horrors of this mirage

Which the parents create.

I have no one with whom I can battle reality.

This one month was the perfect hell.

Tonight with Christmas gone once again

I lay here building a path to you.

Numbness taking over,

Is giving me chills

And a strong pump of adrenaline.

Slowly in ballet, the snow covers me

In a blanket of cold-warmth

It makes me believe that I will be seeing you

Soon. With Santa, I will race,

Riding my snow cloud,

Come to you with your Christmas gift,

A scarf which I had been knitting for 2 years.

I wanted to give you this as a token of love,

Gratitude, as a batch for everything

We had won against.

I lay here hoping to see you once more.

To tell you there was no battle you lost,

Even if they had cost you yourself,

You are still the same warrior in my head.

No shield, no armor

Just the courage and guts,

Slicing the beasts into shreds.

You are still the little kid

Who hugged me to sleep,

Who helped me drink my tears

Not letting them intoxicate me.

I lay here hoping to reunite with you again.

Three words and eight letters.

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