I'm Finally Wanted

Chapter 21

Tyler's pov:

The boys are taking turns telling Raven about their week, when Dr. Henry comes saying he needs to run a few tests real quick. So I take the boys to go hang out with Jon like I said I would.

Once the boys have their face coverings and gloves on, they're allowed to play with Jon. It's important that Jon doesn't get anymore sick then his slight fever he has right now.

Abbey, Hailey's daughter who's the same age as River and Wyatt, also plays with the boys, or more specifically Wyatt. Hailey and I think Abbey has a little crush on Wyatt.

Hailey and I are talking about our kids when Dr. Henry comes over.

"Tyler, a word?"

I nod and follow Dr. Henry to a secluded area of the hall.

"We ran a few tests as we do regularly. Checking Raven's brain activity and the condition of her child. As you are aware of."

I nod. "And?"

"Well, Raven's brain activity is a bit more active then it has been, right now she's still in the same condition, but if her brain activity keeps going up she might wake up. But that's not a guarantee."

I have a feeling something bad has happened. "What else?"

Dr. Henry sighs heavily. "We couldn't find a heartbeat from the baby. We can't do anything to save it. It was only a matter of time before the baby couldn't get the required nutrients. I'm so sorry Tyler. We couldn't do anything."

"So you're telling me the baby died?" I ask, hoping I didn't hear right. Hoping with all my heart my child is still ok.

"Yes, we lost the baby. I'm really sorry for your loss."

I nod. "Yeah... thanks. You tried to save them right? So it's fine. They would've died anyway. We all knew it."

Dr. Henry opens his mouth, but I cut him off. "It's ok. I just need a minute alone."

Dr. Henry nods, and walks away. And I just kinda stand there for a minute. My baby, I'll never get to see them.

For a second my mind imagines the baby's whole life they could've had, but never got. It's all my fault. I should've tried harder to get to Raven. I should done something more. I'm the reason our baby died. I'm a failure as a father.

I grab my hair tightly, surely pulling some of it out. But I just need an anchor. It gets hard to breathe, so I quickly walk outside.

I can't keep myself from thinking about my kids life I just ruined. Our baby didn't deserve to die. I'll never get to meet my son or my daughter. Never. All because I didn't get to Raven quick enough. It's my fault. The baby is dead because of me.

I let go of my hair and punch the brick wall of the hospital as hard as I can. I'm not surprised when I crack the brick in half. I ignore the searing pain in my hand and keep punching the wall. I killed my kid. Raven isn't going to wake up. So I killed her too basically.

After I've punched the brick wall until I can't  feel my hand, I allowed myself I slowly slide against the brick until I'm leaning against it as I sit on the sidewalk. I'm a failure. I let two people I care about the most slip out of my hands.

I don't even care if I cry if public. My baby just died. And I can't keep holding onto false hope of Raven waking up. She's gone whether I want to believe it or not. And it's not like I can grief the loss of my child with Raven, because she's in a coma. And she's probably not going to wake up.

I'm alone. I might have our kids with me, heck I could have everyone on the whole earth with me and still be alone. Only one person really knows me, only one person keeps me sane, only one person gives me an ultimate reason to live, and that one person is dying.

I have no one.

If it was just me and Raven, if we didn't have our kids I know exactly what I'd do. The second Raven's pronounced dead, I'd just simply kill myself. Before the kids she was the only reason for me living. I was never suicidal or anything, but life without Raven wouldn't be a life worth living. I'd never be able to live without her. So there'd be no point living if Raven was gone. But now that I have the kids I can't do that. If Raven dies, I'm forced to stay here with the kids. I'm make it work, I'm sure I would, but there wouldn't be a second of not missing Rae. There'd never be another woman for me, I'd never find love after Raven. Once all the kids had grown up and moved out, then I could finally go. They'd be grown and not need their old dad anymore. So I could finally be with Raven again.

I'm alone.

...

I had to call Amelia and have her come get the kids, I couldn't let them see me like this. And I can't leave Raven's side.

Every time I look at her, I remember how our baby died, and I break all over again.

"Hey, Ty?" A soft voice calls out.

"Go away Anna." I say loud enough for her to hear.

"Sorry, no can do bro. Amelia called me, she originally called Angel but she was busy, so here I am."

"Cool. But I don't care. Go away."

Anna sighs as she comes and sits next to me. "Tyler, no one's what's going on. Can you please just tell someone?"

"No."

"Tyler. Please. We both know you most likely haven't cried like this since Wyatt died."

Only Anna would bring up my dead best friend. Only Anna.

"I'm not in the mood Anna. Please just go away." I plead with her.

Anna's face drops when she realizes I'm not messing around. I am very close to loosing all self control. I cannot lose it now. I cannot break down now.

"Yeah ok... sorry." She says softly.

She leaves, meaning it's just Raven and I again. Meaning it's really just me and my thoughts. My very toxic thoughts.

*****
Well at least it's not another cliffhanger. I almost almost made it a cliffhanger but I resisted. I tried hard tic tacs. Hoped you liked this chapter. I feel like I didn't write Tyler's emotions too well, I'm never really been too good at getting my thoughts into words. But I tried my best.

Welp.... Have a good day/night!

(Do y'all remember Anna Tyler's sister? I realized Tyler's side of the family has been involved for a while, so you'll probably be seeing more of them in the future)