✺ 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 ✺- Josh Kiszka

Part 12

My body immediately backed away from the door, letting it close with a loud click. I felt nauseous. Hot tears welled up in my eyes as I hurried to the front of the storage room. I pursed my lips and shut my eyes tight, pushing the tears back as I walked.

I heard more distant talking coming from behind the doors, and the tears began to fall.

Why, why, why.

In my mind, I cursed myself for falling for this stupid shit again. For believing that he may have actually been different.

It felt like a rock was stuck in my throat as I tried to keep from crying. My stomach tightened, and I knew my hands were trembling as I walked quickly down the hall, grabbing my bag and phone off of the table against the wall.

I walked back into the cafeteria, keeping my head angled down as I approached Mrs. Darby.

Upon seeing me come back, empty-handed she asked;

"Didn't find them?"

"No," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. "But um, my mom actually texted me and said she needs me home, some family thing." I lied.

"Oh? alright." She replied, giving me a sympathetic look. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, turning around, trying to get out of there.

"Ok, hon, see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." My voice wavered when I responded, but I didn't look back to see if she noticed. I just walked, head down, out to the parking lot.

The minute I shut the car door behind me, I dropped my forehead onto the top of my steering wheel with my hands over my head and let the tears run.

I sat there crying in near silence, replaying what I had seen for probably ten minutes.

Was he just leading me on? I thought to myself. Toying with me for fun?

It was all so confusing, and I felt incredibly embarrassed. Everything I had said to him. How I had stupidly made it so clear how I felt about him when we were together, almost kissing him. And for what? Just for him to be doing the same with someone else.

I grabbed my phone and texted Violet, begging her to meet me at my house. I needed her distraction.

I thought for a bit and decided that I didn't want to tell her what I had seen yet. I knew she would feel guilty for what she had promised me before about Josh, and even though I knew it probably wouldn't, I didn't want to cause any tension between her and Sam.

The whole way home, tears continued to stream down my cheeks.

When I pulled into my driveway, Violet's car was already parked. My mom's car was gone, meaning she probably wouldn't be home from work until late that night.

I pulled down my visor and slid open the mirror, wiping the remaining tears on my cheeks and cleaning up the makeup under my eyes.

When I deemed myself presentable, I grabbed my bag and got out of the car.

I walked into my house and closed the door behind me, taking a deep breath and sighing, trying to push out the recurring memory from my mind that would stop replaying itself, taunting me.

I walked over to my room and opened the door. Violet was lying on my bed, holding her phone above her head.

"Hey, bitch." She said to me as I walked in and dropped my bag on the floor.

"Hey," I replied, trying to sound as normal as I could, sitting on the bed resting my back against the window.

"How was your Wednesday?" She asked, not looking up from her phone.

"Fine, same as every other day, I guess." I lied, reaching for my phone to distract me.

"How's you and Josh? I saw you walking together for the past few days." She said, rolling over to face me and smirking.

I felt my face grow hot again and another lump formed in my throat.

Fuck, why did she have to bring him up?

I couldn't hold it back this time and just started bawling like a five-year-old. Violet sat up and tossed her phone down, scooting over to me.

"Oh my god, are you ok? What happened?" She asked, confusion and sympathy flooding her face as she leaned over to look at me.

I gave in and told her everything, from being asked to stay after school, all the way up until what I saw in the storage room.

I had been staring down at my lap as I was telling her everything, focusing on getting the words out in between sobs.

When I looked back up at Violet, the sympathetic expression she had was now replaced with burning anger.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She asked, her eyebrows pinching together. "That piece of complete dogshit. I'm going to kill him." She said, sitting up and shaking her head slightly.

"I just don't get it," I replied.

"I can't believe him." She added.

"I don't know. I mean, we're not in a relationship, obviously. We haven't even admitted feelings to each other." I started, a pained laugh seeping into my words. "I just feel bad about feeling bad. He doesn't owe me anything." I replied as tears began to fall again.

Violet pulled me into her arms, and my tears became sobs again.

"Relationship or not, that was a shit thing to do." She said,

Still, I felt like I had put this on myself. Assuming he had feelings for me, too, without us honestly admitting them put me in the wrong.

I felt completely and utterly stupid. I had gotten to know him for a week. He was a crush at most.

I closed my eyes tight and held back the tears that wanted to pour out.

Stop feeling bad for yourself. I wanted to scream. He's not yours, and he never was.