✺ 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 ✺- Josh Kiszka

Part 18

As we waited for Josh to finish changing down the hall, Violet laid out on my couch while I sat up, stiff and shaky.

"How long does it take to change?" Violet asked rhetorically, looking from her phone to me.

I was too nervous to do anything but stare off at nothing and think about how this conversation would go in a few minutes. I felt like a little kid sitting in their principal's office, waiting for their inevitable lecture.

I picked at the skin of my bottom lip and bounced my leg as I sat on the couch, hunched over with my elbows propped against my thighs.

I heard the creak of the bathroom door echo down the hall, and with it, a wave of panic rolled over my body. Violet sat up and put herself next to me, leaning over slightly, looking as if she was ready to jump up at any given second.

Josh entered the living room, a handful of wet clothes bundled in his arms. The pants I had given him were big, bunching at the ankles and hanging a bit too low.

"Do you mind if I put these in my car?" He asked quietly, motioning his head at the soggy pile he was carrying.

"Here," I said, standing up, feeling the shakiness in my knees.

I walked over to him, extending my arms for the pile. He hesitated before handing them over. He made a puzzled look as I walked over to my laundry room and tossed his clothes in the dryer.

"Thank you." He said as I walked back into the living room. I said nothing and sat back down next to Violet.

Josh stuck his hands into his front pockets and looked down at his feet.

He's nervous, I thought to myself. I noticed that he always had a habit of putting his hands in his front pockets when he got nervous about a situation.

"Are you going to explain? Or are we going to wait another twenty minutes?" Violet asked sarcastically as she crossed her arms and leaned back into the couch.

"I was hoping to have a private conversation," Josh replied, looking at me for a response.

"No, no, you don't get to just show up here wanting to explain your ass, then ask for me to leave her alone with you," Violet replied, looking angrier.

"Violet," I said in a low whisper, looking over to her. "I know you mean well, but maybe we do need to talk about this alone."

She gaped her mouth open slightly and gave me a stern look. My eyes pleaded with her not to make this situation more complicated than it already had progressed to. She must have caught on because her face softened, and she sighed.

She briskly stood up and carried herself towards the hall, not looking at Josh once as she passed him before she disappeared around the corner.

We heard my bedroom door click closed as Josh made his way to the couch. I kept my eyes on the floor as he sat down gently next to me.

Please don't make me talk first. I thought, snaking my fingers together in my lap.

"So," He said, finally breaking the silence.

"So," I repeated, glancing up from my hands to the television in front of me.

"You were spying on me?"

I quickly spun my head to look at him. He was staring at his lap. A smile spread across his face.

"I wasn't 'spying,'" I said, suddenly defensive.

Why am I the defensive one?

"Yet you saw me through a crack in the door after school without me knowing." He replied snarkily.

"Yeah, I saw you kiss someone."

There, I kicked the elephant in the room. Now explain. I thought desperately.

His smile fell, and he looked up now, meeting my gaze. I wanted to pull mine away, but I kept them locked onto him, not letting my fear take over.

"She kissed me." He finally said. "How much did you actually see?"

I hesitated before responding, "I let the door close right as-" I Couldn't finish the sentence.

"Well, if you spied a bit longer, you would have seen me pull away and push her off of me." He replied, still holding his gaze. "We had been friends in that class for a while, and apparently she had feelings for me, and I had no idea."

A sudden pang of guilt began to build up inside me as he went on.

"She had her audition coming up that afternoon, and she seemed pretty nervous about it." He continued smoothly. "I offered to help her rehearse in the design room where it would be quiet, and I guess she took that as an opportunity to let me know about her feelings." He said in a joking manner.

I felt like an asshole.

"Josh," I started, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed-"

"It's ok," He assured, looking up at me and beaming the most genuine smile. "I'm pretty sure it's human nature to feel angry or sad in that situation."

    I felt better with his words and smiled back at him.

    "What happened after, she- you know," I replied. "Did she say anything?" I realized I probably sounded pathetically jealous wanting to know. This was confirmed when he looked back up at me and grinned. I felt myself go red. "I mean like, did she apologize or," I added, trying to sound less stupid.

    "Yeah, she apologized, and I told her it was fine,"He said with a small laugh, "but don't worry, I told her I didn't feel the same because I was with someone else."