Loosing game

Chapter 6

Bucky insisted on watching Sarah for a while so you could take a much needed shower. You take your time washing your hair and getting all the tangles out. You shut off the water and put on a pair off loose pajama pants and a oversized t shirt. When you go back to the living room, you see Bucky laying on the couch with Sarah asleep on his bare chest. You smile as you sit on the couch being careful not to wake Sarah.

"How was your shower," Bucky asks in a low voice.

"It was good, thanks for watching her for me," you throw a blanket over your legs. "Sarah's lucky to have you." You bite your lip.

"You're welcome, it should be Steve here though," Bucky says looking sadly at you.

"Buck, do you think Sarah will be a super soldier? You know since both Steve and I are?"

"I honestly don't know y/n I guess them will tell."

"Part of me hopes not, that serum has caused enough trouble for the three of us. Do you remember how we met all those years ago?" You smile weakly.

"Yeah, you tried to stab me," Bucky chuckled softly, "but to be fair I did shoot you."

"You did I still have the scar if you didn't notice," you smile. "I never told you this before but, I tried to free you when I escaped Hydra. But I just didn't have the time. I felt awful."

"Steve told me," Bucky frowns, "you really did care about me didn't you"

"Do," you correct him, "the moment I heard you scream from Hydra wiping your memory I knew I needed to help you. And I fell in love."

"I never knew," before he could continue Sarah woke up and began crying.

"Shes probably hungry," you say as Bucky carefully hands her to you. You lift your shirt and undo the snap on your bra. Sarah immediately latches and begins sucking. Bucky moves to sit by you stroking Sarah's head with his thumb. You sit in silence allowing you to think. Bucky was different now. Yet he was the same caring man you fell in love with all those years ago. But now he seemed more at peace and less anxious. Maybe perhaps he still loved you? No he couldn't you thought. Your child died because of you. He could never forgive you. He probably still resents you. He's just sticking around because he promised Steve.

"She's got his eyes," Bucky says and you switch Sarah to your left breast. "But otherwise she looks just like you."

"Yeah," you yawn. 

"Here," Bucky turns and puts his legs on either side of  you. "You can lean on me it's ok." You turn and lean back on him with your back against his chest.

"Thanks Bucky," you says turning your head to look at him. You loved him so much still but at the same time he had hurt you so much. You weren't ready to open your heart back up to him yet. But you know he wouldn't want you anyway. You sigh and remind yourself that he had moved on and so had you.

"You're welcome," he says. Once Sarah is finished she falls back asleep. You take her to your room and place her in her crib before returning to the couch. You place the baby monitor on the table making sure it's on before laying down and falling asleep.