Plums | B. Barnes

~Brasov Meets Bucharest~

Author's Note

...And we're back! Enjoy y'all!

••••••••••

Month 12

Tuesday
February 17, 2015
9:27 AM

Bucky had woken up later than usual and he looked beside him to see Ivory had still been curled up on his chest, fast asleep. Usually Ivory was up early but given she had a rough night, Bucky wasn't surprised that she slept past her usual wake up time.

Bucky gently laid Ivory down on the bed and got up to use the bathroom, brush his teeth, and to get himself together before even thinking about waking Ivory up. It was mornings like these where Bucky was Thankful for Ivory sleeping in late. Sometimes Bucky just needed a moment to himself to relax his mind and as much as he loved Ivory, being woken up at 6am by an infant was the opposite of relaxing.

While Bucky had a free moment, he decided to get some journaling in.

~~~~~
Journal #3
Entry # 228

Nightmares.

They're a part of life I suppose, but Thankfully all of my worst nightmares have already come to pass. It's unfortunate that I continue to relive the worst era of my life every single day, luckily it at least comes to an end when I open my eyes.

They won't go away, and it sucks...what makes it worse for me, is I remember every single one...the faces of everyone I've hurt, they may be gone, but never forgotten. They remain etched into my brain and I see a different kill every time I close my eyes.

As for Ivory, I couldn't even begin to imagine what she sees in her own nightmares...As I recently discovered she has them too. I wish I knew what they were about so I could try to help make them go away but I can't...

In the late hours of the night, and sometimes the very early hours of the morning Ivory wakes up screaming and hanging onto me for her life, yet I will never know or fully be able to understand what hellish nightmares cause her to be so afraid, I wish I knew.

When I wake up and see her face, I usually feel nothing but pure bliss and joy...but to wake up to seeing her face filled with fear and distress, causes me an emotional pain that I couldn't even begin to describe. Will they ever stop?

Is there maybe a way that I could take the nightmares for her?

I'd be more than willing to receive that kind of a mental toll any day if it means Ivory has peace.

As I always say, I'd rather it be me than her.

~~~~~

After taking a good 20 minutes to write, and get himself ready for the day, he decided to make his usual breakfast...Eggs and toast. As always, he made Ivory Oatmeal and cut up fruit for her to eat with it. Any other day it would be a morning bottle but Ivory hasn't been interested in bottles, only food which made his life easier.

Once Bucky had finished making breakfast, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and prepared himself to poke the bear that was Ivory.