Plums| B. Barnes

~Plums~

Month 7

Wednesday
September 10, 2014

The time was about 1pm in Bucharest, and Bucky had been practicing something new with Ivory.

Tummy Time...

Bucky had been reading about tummy time in one of the parenting novels he'd rented from the library last week and has been trying it with Ivory ever since he found out it was a thing.

Bucky would lay Ivory on her belly on the carpet with a stuffed bear he'd gotten her a couple weeks ago. He read that setting a favorite toy out of reach helped babies gain mobility so he would always set the bear out of her reach and she was instantly locked in, and focused on that stuffed bear.

Some days he would lay on the ground with her and observe her, and he got his entertainment out of watching Ivory pick her head up while trying to reach the bear that seemed so far away in her little mind.

Bucky smiled down at the girl and pulled out Journal #3. Although things have been a little less difficult for Bucky, he still made it a point to utilize Journal #3. He'd been behind on his writing the past few days anyway due to being kept on his toes by little Ivory, but he figured catching up wouldn't hurt him.

~~~~~
Journal #3
Entry # 67

Calm.

A four letter word that I can finally use to describe my life right now.

For a while, I found that I hated myself for the way things have been going, but now...I'm starting to hate myself less everyday.

It all doesn't really make sense to me yet, but I've been able to make sense of some of it...

Having Ivory has nothing to do with the reason why I seemed to be holding onto more hatred...I quickly learned this time last week that I hated myself for the fact that I had been having a harder time taking care of her.

The root of it all stemmed from Happiness. I was unhappy, because Ivory was unhappy...When Ivory is happy I'm at peace with myself.

Ivory is my baby...I made a promise to Ivory that I will always be there to protect her...To Hold her...and To Love her.

Right now, I can say that I have been loving her properly, I love Ivory so much that it hurts.

Maybe not today...maybe not tomorrow, but maybe some day...

I'll be able to love myself the same way despite all I've done as the Winter Soldier. I still find it hard to believe that this little human who loves me has no idea what I've done or what I'm capable of as the Winter Soldier...

The only difference between the Winter Soldier and James Buchanan Barnes...is that the Winter Soldier will never know the true meaning of finding happiness in the form of a little human.

~~~~~

As per usual, Bucky was interrupted by the sound of Ivory fussing. She had most likely been fussing to be done on her belly.