You Need the Darkness to See the Stars.

Say Something I'm Giving Up On You

Brantley's POV

Thanksgiving was a bust. MacKenzie showed up, but she wasn't present. We got into another argument. Caroline must have mentioned our conversation and now Kenzie thinks I don't trust her. Here's the thing, it's not her I don't trust. It's everyone else. It's that guy from the CMA's who swooped in, in my absence thinking he might have a shot. It's the "Charlie's" in the world that get fixated on someone and try to make it so no one else can have them. I wanted to be selfish with Kenzie. I missed the way things were before the world loved her as much as I did. I was having a hard time sharing her. 

We also barely talked to each other. Anytime we said more than 10 words to each other she'd quickly get annoyed, irritated and then leave. I wouldn't see her for hour after. She would hardly let me touch her. She'd hardly ever touch me. I'm not even talking about sex, although that had also made it on to the "have not's" list. I was so stressed out. Tired of having to walk on eggshells. I knew she'd been through a lot in the last few months but I couldn't go on like this anymore. The lack of communication and compassion towards me and my feelings was driving me insane. 

We were still in Georgia. But since our last fight, Kenzie has been spending a lot of time in Atlanta. She decided that she was going to book as much studio time as possible. The plan was to stay down here for on a no work vacation for Christmas and New Years then head back to Nashville for work. I was going to release my album in January and start planning the tour. If things were headed towards the end, I wanted to make sure to keep myself super busy once it got there. 

Currently, I was upstairs looking through my nightstand trying to find a lighter or a match. All I wanted was to smoke this cigarette and my damn lighter had died. I was on the verge of a melt down, unable to fulfill my quest. I sighed slamming the drawer shut. I reached up pulling my ball cap off, scratching the top of my head. I scanned the room, my eyes landing on MacKenzie's nightstand. She'd have one.

I practically jumped over the bed and pulled the drawer open. Pushing things from left to right around the drawer, I found what I was looking for. MacKenzie's little stash box. I knew there was a lighter in there. I opened the box up, smiling in triumph. I found a lighter. But I also found something I wasn't expecting. There was an unlabeled pill bottle. I sighed and shook my head. I had been here before. I knew this couldn't be good.

I lit the cigarette I had been dying for and popped open the bottle. Tapping the pills out into the palm of my hand. I picked one out and dumped the rest back, setting the bottle down on the nightstand. I pulled my phone out typing in the markings on the pill and searching. Once the google page loaded I placed the single pill back in the bottle, put the lid on and returned everything the way I found it before heading back down stairs. I went out to the man cave and started researching this little orange pill.

Adderall. 20mg. Side effects include loss of appetite, weight loss, dry mouth, stomach upset/pain, nausea/vomiting, dizziness, headache, diarrhea, fever, nervousness and trouble sleeping. Can also cause mood swings, irritability, depression, panic attacks and paranoia. 

Clearly, it wasn't prescribed to her. I don't even know why she's taking it or how long she's been taking it. But what I did know was I was super concerned for her. I wanted to ask her about it, but I wasn't in the mood to fight anymore. I felt like the woman I loved was gone. That this was  just a human shell Charlie discarded after he cut my MacKenzie out. I felt sick. I felt like I couldn't trust Kenzie anymore.

Suddenly the last few months started to make sense. Now, I was furious. I had half a mind to drive down to Atlanta. I instead turned around and head back to the bedroom. What else was she hiding from me? I went in her nightstand and pulled that pill bottle out and threw it on the bed. I thought about all the places I would hide my pills when I was younger and started looking in those spots. I found another one hidden in the closet in one of her suitcases. And another in her makeup drawer. I also found another prescription: Misoprostol. I typed the name in google and threw it on the bed with the other while the results loaded. I scrolled down, 'May treat miscarriage'. Kenzie was pregnant? I closed out of my browser and called Caroline. The line trilled for a moment. 

"Hey Brantley, kinda late for you to be calling. Is everything okay?" She asked. 

"Did you know she was pregnant?" I asked her bluntly. She sighed. I knew. 

"I knew she miscarried." Caroline paused. "I'm sorry Brantley." 

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. So I just hung up.

I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. Trying to process the last hour of my life. Trying to make sense on why she couldn't tell me, why she shut me out. Charlie's dead, but it was becoming clear that he was haunting her.  What was my next move here? Before I could figure that out MacKenzie had joined me in the bedroom. 

"Oh, I thought you'd be asleep by now." She sounded a little surprised. She was right though. It was late. I didn't respond. I just watched her move through the room to the closet. I just sat there waiting for her to emerge. She came out a few minutes later in a pair of spandex shorts and a baggy t-shirt, working on getting her hair up in a bun. She finally noticed the pile of pill bottles on the bed. She didn't say a word. I looked over my shoulder at the same pile, then looked back at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You could hear the heart in my voice.

"It's just Adderall, literally everyone takes it." She responded. 

I grabbed the only bottle with a label and tossed it her way. "Everyone takes it, huh?" 

MacKenzie caught the bottle and looked at the label. Realizing what it was, she put a hand over her mouth. 

"Why are you going through my stuff?" She asked fighting back tears.

"No! Don't you dare try to flip this on me. Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? Or that you lost it? Was it even mine? Tell me Kenz cause I can't take anymore secrets." I said standing up crossing my arms. " You shut me out once the tour ended and I came home. I barely see you anymore. You're popping pills and hiding them. I don't even know who you are anymore..." I looked at her, waiting for her to say something. Anything. But she just stood there, with tear-filled eyes. But she said nothing. She couldn't even look at me. 

"Kenzie I love you, but if you don't tell me what's going on right now....we're done. I can't be with someone I can't trust." I didn't want to give the ultimatum but I was being honest. After Amber, I needed trust. She didn't say anything. "I know you've gone through a lot the last year, but this isn't how you cope with things Kenzie. If you're not going to talk to me or let me help then you need to seek a professional cause this..." I said pointing to the bottles on the bed "....this is not the answer." 

She still didn't say anything. So I left her standing there, making my way downstairs. I grabbed my truck keys and I left....

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Sorry it's been a while since the last update. But I got inspired to start this back up again! I hope everyone enjoys.

CM