Wayward Devotion

part nine: remembrance

You woke up in your bed, holding someone's hand to your chest.

You realize it's Ikaris when you see the wedding band on his left hand. He's laying on the floor, with his arm up on your bed for you to hold while you slept.

You squeeze his hand and he shuffles, lifting his head onto the mattress to look at you.

"How are you feeling?" He says, voice groggy from sleep.

You shrug, "could be better."

Your lungs still had a dull ache, your back was sore, and your foot stung, but it was an excellent improvement from what you felt last night. You needed to thank Ajak for healing you so well.

Ikaris sits up more, and you loosen the hold on his hand, but he doesn't pull away. You use your empty hand to pat the bed and he sits on it, careful to not move you too much.

You look at him for a moment, gathering the strength to ask the question.

"Is," you start, but clear your throat, "is he gone?"

"Yes," he says, solemnly.

"It's my fault," you whisper into the room like a dirty secret.

Ikaris's eyes shoot to you, eyebrows furrowed, "how?"

"You're all here because of me," you try to explain, "and they came because we were all together."

"Y/N," he whispers, almost cooing as he gingerly takes your face in his soft palms, "it's not your fault."

You can't help it. You start to cry and he gently wipes the tears away with his thumbs.

"It's okay," he whispers, voice thick with emotion, "I know."

You shut your eyes as the tears pool out, and take a ragged breath.

"I'm so sorry," you choke out.

"It's not your fault," he repeats, rubbing his fingers into your temples, soothing you.

He brings his face closer to yours and you open your eyes as he kisses your forehead.

He pulls his face back to look at you, "it's okay," he says again.

You wrap your arms around him and embrace him tightly. He's careful to not hug you back too hard, scared of hurting the scars on your back.

You pull away and try to run your fingers through your hair. That's when you notice your hair is filled with dirt and knotted horribly.

Ikaris notices your distraught face and tries to pat your hair down, but you move to sit up in bed.

"Woah woah woah," he says, placing his hand on your shoulder, "slow down."

You place your hand over his, "I need to take a shower."

"I don't know if you can even stand," he replies, "you should rest some more."

"No," you say, pulling the blanket off of you, "no more resting."

You look him dead in the eye, "we need to get to work."

-

Ikaris accepted that you could take a bath, giving it was just laying down in a tub instead of a bed. He prepared it for you, adding a vanilla honey soap that helped soothe your aching muscles.

Even with being healed from Ajak, the physical and emotional exhaustion took a heavy toll on you.

The bath helped.

Ikaris had laid out the comfiest clothes he could find in your closet and excused himself to let you get dressed. You were almost tempted to invite him into the bath with you, but didn't think it was the appropriate time.