Not your Fault

Chapter 1: So long

It had been so long.

So long since the battle in New York, the memories of the Chitauris invasion still haunting my dreams.

So long since my sister, Natasha Romanoff, the famed Black Widow, rescued me from my captivity in HYRDA saving me from a life of torture and agonising terror.

So long since I had been forced to kill and maim innocents just so it wasn't my blood shed onto the ground beneath me.

So long since I had been trained to fight, to assassinate, to never give in to pain no matter how tempted.

So long ago yet it all feels like yesterday.

Steve's orders sound distant as the super soldier informs the seven of us of our mission, the jet landing softly onto the snowy tundra of Sokovia.

"Skye we're here." My sister yells across the jet alerting me back into reality snapping my eyes to her haltering her own gun to her waist and attaching more Widow bites to the weapons on her wrists.

I slowly nod my head in acknowledgement, my mind still cloudy with the thoughts of my past before allowing myself to stand up, gently stretching my stiff limbs thanks to the four hour flight from the compound.

Beads of sweat begin forming on the palms of my hands at the thought of the mission ahead. Clenching my hands to ease the shakiness of my fingers I take a deep breath ignoring the worried glances from the rest of the team.

Four months.

That's how long it had been since my last mission, since SHIELD or what was left of it since Nat, Sam, Steve and I had taken down Project Insight, had forced me into having a break in which I unwillingly obliged. After being forced to relive my years being brutally slashed with knives and electrocuted till I couldn't breathe everyone had decided to allow me relaxation time. Although secretly I enjoyed the break, the relaxation something I desperately needed but I would never admit that to anyone, not that anyone needs to know anyway.

But SHIELD/Avengers had quickly withdrawn my relaxation as Tony had found the location of the scepter HYDRA had purloined from us. I didn't mind that much accepting the mission to retrieve it alongside the rest of the Avengers.

"You gonna be alright?" Steve asks his pitiful gaze falling upon me, crossing the jet to hand me my swords.

"I'm not going to get triggered and have a panic attack or freeze up or something just because it's HYRDA if that's what your worried about." I reply with a scoff, avoiding his gaze and narrowing my eyes at his question.

I hate pity.

"Good."

He knows, they all do about my past with HYDRA. HYDRA had turned me into what I was today. A monster, a monster with an instinct to kill. I'm just one of HYDRAS toys, their experiments.

The amount of innocent blood I had spilled was unforgivable. Men, woman and even children each had a place under my kill list. But still I attempted to right my wrongs, joining SHIELD giving them all I knew on HYDRA, helping save the world from Lokis invasion, taking down Project Insight. But deep down I know, I know it would never make up for the horrific things I've done, all the blood on my hands, the innocent lives lost, the red on my ledger. All because of me. Its my fault.

Strapping my swords to my back with a nod of thanks to the super soldier and attaching my throwing knives to my hip I make my way towards my sister standing shoulder to shoulder with her as we observe the ramp as it descends to the floor.