(Author's note : Here starts the real depressing part. I won't say much here as this part is when I had my toughest time and it is all true.)
In this phase the little girl was feeling depressed. Many things were running in her mind. Her future, her parents, her friends, her siblings everything had a swallow point. The young 12yr old was just lost in her dark life. She felt like giving up. Her only true friends were a piece of paper and pen and 2ams when she unleashed her tears. She told everyone that she writes sad poem in late nights as the dark vibe will also come in the poem but she just wanted someone to hear her mess. She wrote this poem when she was all crying mess around 1:30 am for some personal reason. This is her first poem she wrote in late night as the rest others are written by her in early morning. Since this day she wrote poems in late nights only.
Sleepless nights
This dark sleepless nights,
Where I have many questions fights,
I don't even know which path is right,
Have I lost all my might?
In my sight,
I can see a bright future,
Filled with lights,
But is it an illusion,
Cuz it creates many confusions.
I don't know to cry,
I just try try and try,
But my brain only fry,
For why is my life so dry.
Am I so bad,
I make others so mad,
In return they make me very sad,
Come on I too need a protection pad.
Things which may not be understandable :
"But my brain only fry"
Meaning : Fry over here have a pretty deep meaning. When we fry food then it becomes tasty but unhealthy. If food would have been a living organism then it would have suffered a lot as frying in oil may be probably very painful than other ways of cooking. So frying of brain here means that the poet is pressurized (pain of getting fried in oil) to do what others decide for her(tasty fried food) but internally she is broken due to that (unhealthy). Over here it is not typical teenage depression where a spoiled teenage gets depressed only because she/he is ordered by their mother to do the dishes. The depression described here is not due to age of adolesence but serious issue is there. One of them is which the poet is suffering from past 10 yrs for is that she isn't allowed to do what she has passion for but to do what increases the reputation of her family. There are many other serious issues other than this.
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