Better Together

Couldn't Be

"Pizza or Chinese?" Olivia asked, propping herself up on Fin's desk.

He glanced up from his paperwork, giving her a smile. "Whatever you want."

She shook her head. "Well, I can't decide. That's why I asked you."

"Chinese," he answered instantly, knowing it was one of her favorites.

"Alright, I'll order. You almost ready to go?"

"I got a couple more of these."

"Alright, hurry."

Fin nodded, missing the hint of her perfume as she slid off the desk, going back to her own for her phone. He watched as she walked out of the squad room to place the order.

In the span of two months, he had seen slight improvements in Olivia's mood, still noticing that she preferred to go alone rather than drag Rollins and Amaro with her while they were working a case, but Cragen's insistence had been combating this. Her smile was back, though, and that was nice.

They made Friday nights a sudden, unspoken tradition after Olivia asked him over again the week following their bodega sandwiches and old hockey games. Every week, they grabbed some food on the way to her apartment or his to watch old games or sitcom reruns.

After ordering the food, Olivia wrapped up her work, dropping a few files on Cragen's desk before falling into her chair and propping her chin under her hands, facing Fin's direction. He smiled, shaking his head as she waited, watching him.

"In a hurry?" Fin teased as he stood, walking by her to toss the completed forms on the captain's desk.

"It's already after seven. I didn't have lunch."

He made a hissing sound. "You gotta eat, Liv. Hate to have to carry you to the car."

She rolled her eyes. "You wish. Grab your coat. Let's go."

"Whatever the lady wants."

Olivia laughed. "Classy. You're driving, and you're getting out at the Chinese place."

"Aw, come on."

...

"You gotta be kidding me!" Olivia yelled at the t.v., sitting up and knocking an empty carton from her lap to the floor.

Fin laughed loudly, watching as she picked up the carton, dropping it onto the endtable before falling back on the couch cushion with a huff.

She glanced over at him then, noticing that he was staring. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"It's alright. Just didn't think you were one for yelling at the t.v."

Olivia sighed, dropping her head back on the couch. "Not exactly one of my finer qualities."

"Not a bad quality. Funny. Kind of cute, actually."

"Cute, Fin? You did not just call me cute. I am not cute." Olivia had straightened up again and was glaring at him, arms crossed tightly.

Damn sexy, then, he thought, but he just raised his hands in surrender, turning back to the t.v. They watched in silence, and when the game ended, Fin was ready to say goodnight and head home, but Olivia dropped her head on his shoulder after changing the channel. His arm went around her in reflex.

"One episode?" she asked quietly, raising a hand to her mouth to cover a yawn.

"Uh, yeah. I can stay a while longer."

"Mmkay," she said softly.

Fin tried to focus on the rerun playing on the t.v., but that familiar pang in his chest, the one he thought he'd rid himself of years ago when he decided to bury his feelings for her, was back in full force. He resisted the urge to physically shake the thoughts about her from his head, hating that he was feeling this way again. He had intended to help her through this grieving period (it might as well be one since Stabler evidently had no intention of ever calling her back) and to be a better friend, so he couldn't let his feelings get the best of him.

Fin heard her breathing even out and looked down to see that Olivia had fallen asleep on his shoulder in a matter of minutes. He caught the scent of her vanilla shampoo and sighed, knowing that he would probably always have feelings for her. He watched her sleep for a few minutes, berating himself when he realized how creepy that probably made him. After all, they put away perps who'd claimed to only be doing similar things. He shifted to get up (he really should leave), moving her to lean on the couch cushions. She blinked sleepy brown eyes at him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Fin said softly. "I should get going so you can sleep."

Olivia thought begrudgingly I was sleeping just fine before. "Alright. I'll see you Monday."

"You mean you're hoping we don't catch a case?" he joked.

She squeezed her eyes closed. "You're gonna jinx us talking about it."

"I know. How often do we actually get a free weekend?"

"Not very often."

Fin snagged his coat off the back of the couch and headed for the door. "Night, Liv."

"Goodnight."

She sighed as the door snapped shut, knowing she would have to leave her blanket cocoon to lock up.

Olivia wished Fin could've stayed. His shoulder made a perfectly nice pillow. He smelled nice. She couldn't remember if he'd always used that cologne. It was nice, sort of subtle, but nice nonetheless. Oh hell no...

"Don't you dare, Benson," she said aloud to herself.

Fin was her friend. She'd known him for almost thirteen years, and she would not change the status quo. Lately, though, it'd just been different. She saw him differently. She looked forward to hanging out with him every week. She made an effort to be closer to him at work because she wanted to see him smile, loved to hear his jokes. Oh Lord, I'm attracted to him. No, no, no, no, no...

Olivia didn't want to compare them, but she couldn't help but do so. Granted, nothing remotely romantic had ever happened with Elliot, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't considered it, hadn't felt the potential there when he'd been separated, but in the end, they'd just been friends. Him, happy with his wife and her, happy to be his partner at work and his best friend. It still hurt like hell when he left, though.

In spite of these differences Olivia had established in her mind, she couldn't help but feel that jumping into this, whatever this was with Fin, would be a colossal mistake in her current state. It might not have been a romantic heartache she was experiencing, but her heart was indeed broken having lost Elliot like that.

Olivia had felt something for Fin long ago and again over the years, but she had always pushed it aside. The impossibly slim, petite but busty blondes he brought around to squad get togethers were enough to convince her that she just wasn't his type.

She rolled her neck, cringing at the sound that could best be described as crunchy. Reluctantly, she hauled herself off of the couch and locked the front door before heading to the bathroom. She dropped into bed that night determined to put all thoughts of Fin out of her mind. Unfortunately, her subconscious wasn't on the same page.