"нope" [h.s.]

Wrong

I guess death is like trying something new. The bad part is that you don't know what to expect. The truth is that non of us know what death is. Some say that dying implies not hearing your heart beat. I suppose that that isn't true. I guess that everyone is just oblivious to the truth. I guess we all are oblivious to what truly death is. Some greet death as an old friend. Some great death as a foe. Some don't want to die. Others do. Just like I do.

I always wanted death to shelter me under its black wing. I always begged death to take me. I always thought that dying meant relieve. I always thought that if I died everything would be much easier. I always thought that death meant no suffering.

I guess I was wrong. I was so wrong.

***

I feel myself gasping for air. I shoot my eyes open and I scan my room, waiting to see Harry against the doorframe. But he isn't there. Everything seems to spin around me.

I was dead.

How is it possible for me to be alive. I hear the wood on the staircase creak. I run to hide myself behind the door. What if Harry is still here? What if he is coming to finish what he started?

In that exact moment I see a big, tall figure standing outside the door of my room. My pulse increases severely and as if Harry could hear it, he snaps the door close, leaving me expose.

I look straight into his emerald green eyes. The truth is that I don't feel fear, I'm not scared of him. His expression softens as he sees me, but confusion is clear. He takes a step towards me.

"Don't you dare." I say coldly. I don't know who he is. I don't know who the person before me is. He tried to kill me. The Harry I knew would never do that.

"Natalie, let me explain-" He starts as I cut him off.

"Yeah, why don't you explain to me why you tried to kill me?" As I say it out loud, I feel myself start to tear up.

"No, I did kill you. Natalie, you were dead. Why don't you explain to me why you are still alive?" He stares at me. As if I was a ghost.

He takes a step closer.

"Harry." I warn. He is only four steps away from me. My whole body is shivering. I feel tears threatening to spill.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He whispers as he takes another step closer.

"I hate lies!" I shout at him. "You are a liar. Stop it. Why don't you just disappear from my life. Get the fuck away!" My body feels like crushing against the wall. My vision is blurred by the tears and all I see is how Harry's eyes scan me from top to bottom. His body tenses as my words echo inside his head. "Damn it! You tried to fucking kill me!" I wipe the phew tears that were running down my cheeks.

"I had to. They told me I had to kill you. Natalie I was doing you a favor." He laughs sarcastically. Anger boils inside me.

I take the three steps that were in between us. A phew millimetres separating us from one another. I close my eyes.

"Kill me. Right now. Do it." I murmur as his scent evolves me. His strong hands move to my arms and I'm pinned against the wall. A small smile hangs upon my lips as I open my eyes. I look straight into his eyes and whisper "Do it." His expression is confused yet angry.

"You are really into the game, aren't you?" He says as he frowns.

"Kill me." I repeat, trying to steady my pulse.

His face is just inches apart from me as he asks "Aren't you afraid?" He licks his lips as his eyes travel from mine to my lips.

"No." I state slowly. "I'm not scared of death." I say as he looks into my eyes.

"Are you scared of me?" He says as I see a hint of hope clanging onto his words.

"No." My pulse quickens as his hands tights around each of my arms.

"Didn't you say that you hated lies?" He smiles. The scariest part of it all is that I'm not afraid. I know he won't kill me. It feels as if he didn't truly try to kill me.

"That's why I don't lie. Maybe I'm a total mess. Maybe I'm just searching for a sweet surrender. Or maybe it is because I truly believe that you are doing this for me. I don't care why you want me dead, I just relay that you thought this through." He takes a step back, letting go off me. He drags his right hand through his hair as he stares at me.

"Go." He points at the door. I want to get the hell out of here, but it seems as if my legs have other plans. "Natalie get the heck out of here." When I don't move he shouts at me "Now!"

"I don't have anywhere to go." I say, thinking out loud. I look down to the floor as realisation hits me.

Tension fills the air as he says "You have to go. You have to go before-"

"Before you try to kill me again." I look at him. He looks defeated as those words escape my lips. "If I go through that door," I look at the door "and you don't try to stop me. You are not going to see me again. Never." When I don't hear a response I start walking towards the door. Just when I was going to put a foot out of my bedroom door, I feel his hand grip my hip as he spins me. In that exact moment, he seals our lips together.

I was going to move away when I feel it. It feels like home. I feel save. As his tongue plays with mine I understand it. He is home. He is the place I've been looking for, for so long.

I break the kiss. "You didn't try to kill me, did you?" I breath heavily as I realise it all. When he doesn't respond I order my legs to move towards the door. "Good bye, Harry." I whisper, not knowing if he had heard them.

I turn around one last time, just to see nothing. Harry isn't standing next to the door, looking at me. He isn't there. He has just vanished into thin air.

I look in all directions. Searching for his two hunting green eyes. I remember the touch of his lips and I move my hand to mine, touching them, as if I could recall their gentle touch against his lips. It feels as if the sensation will slips from in between my fingers as well as the memory of Harry. Why did he try to kill me? Was he really trying to save me? Did he truly kiss me? Did our lips touch one another as earth needs oxygen for humans to breath?

***

I ring the bell twice as I tap my foot against the concrete. Maybe he isn't home yet. I look at the watch on my phone for the second time. 3:30am, where is he? I ring the bell for the third time as I wrap my arms around myself, searching for warmness. The wind hits my face and I know that a storm is coming. I decide to send him a text.

Where are you? Im at the front door of your house.

I click send and wait a few more minutes until I can't feel the toes of my feet and decide to ring repeatedly until the door clicks open by itself. A shiver takes over my whole body and if I instantly knew that something was off. I gently push open the door, all lights are off.

"Alex?" I hiss through the darkness. I try switching the lights on, nothing. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if someone was watching me.

Suddenly, I hear a loud bang and I turn around. The front door is shut and it feels like the room's temperature has fallen 20 degrees at least.

"Alex? Are you there?" I spun around as I hear something shatter onto the floor and I jump in surprise. "Alex?" Suddenly, my phone starts to vibrate inside my pocket. I look at the person whose calling. Alex. I hit the green button in a rush.

"I'm coming home. Just wait for me, Natalie." He rushes before the line goes dead.

If Alex isn't home yet, who is inside the house with me?