"нope" [h.s.]

lιттle pιeceѕ

I feel someone caressing my hair, slowly and I feel as if I've died and gone to heaven. It's just so gently and it feels so good.

"Hey Nat, it's twelve o'clock."As I take in those words, I realise that yesterday I agreed to stay in Alex's house to sleep. I like his morning voice, it's deep and it sends chills around my body. As I slowly open my eyes, the morning light hits me and I blink several times, a figure gets in the way, blocking the luminous light.

"Good morning sleeping beauty, I thought the story was going to become true." I heard him laugh softly as a smile grew in my face.

"I was really tired okay? It isn't my fault that the nights are awfully stressing." I defended myself, couldn't help laughing with him.

"I can see that, you know? Well, I've make you some breakfast. I've done your favourite, eggs and bacon!" He moves his hand up and down my arm, rubbing it gently. I would give anything to have his touch every morning.

"Thanks." I whisper. My eyes are heavy and I really don't want to get up yet. As my eyes start to close his voice penetrates in my mind.

"Nat. Come on, you need to wake up." I open my eyes once more just to see his blue eyes inches from mine. They are a mixture of green and blue. They are amazing.

"Okay." I incorporate in the bed rubbing my sleepy eyes.

"Here." He pases me a tray with the breakfast. It smells so good, it's really pissing me off the fact that Dana doesn't see the true Alex. The Alex that I like, in the other hand I prefer it that way because that little part of him is mine, I'm the only one that knows about its existence. He sits on the corner of the bed.

"You know that it's your bed, don't you?" I say, trying to make a joke. Everyone knows that my jokes are shitty but Alex always laugh about them, as if they were the funniest thing his ever heard.

"Yeah I know." He says with a smile on his face. "So move."

"Hey! Hey! No pushing!" I say, trying to make some space on the bed for him to get in.

"I didn't even touch you!" He defends himself.

"Of course you didn't..." I roll my eyes. Sometimes he can be a total jerk.

"So, may I eat something?" He asks. I pass him the plate full of bacon and two eggs. We eat, in silence. I feel his gaze burning me. The bacon is delicious, as same as the egg.

"This was the best breakfast ever." I say as I finish my last piece of bacon. He has only eaten the egg.

"I know, it's one of my secrets." I lean into him. He is so warm. I can see the snow in the outside of the window. I love winter. My head is on his chest, I can hear his heart beating. My eyes start to close when I fell something on my waist moving up and down. I jump at the rough touch.

"It's me, don't worry." With those words my body instantly relaxes and I fell my eyes getting heavier.

"I think I need to go to my house." I really need to get to my house.

"Huh, house?"

"Yes, I mean... A structure made off bricks, with windows, where people live in, you know?"

"I know what's a house but, why not call it 'home'?" Is it me, or is he inside of my stupid, weird thoughts?

"I just don't feel as if it's my 'home'." It's obvious, isn't it?

"Oh. That's... Weird."

"Okay... So can you ride me or..."

"Yeah, it's okay. I'll ride you home. Can you promise me something?" He asks, he looks really serious about the question.

"Depends."

"No one need to know that you've stayed here and..."

"And..."

"And the kiss."

"Okay..."

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

I change into my clothes and get to the passenger sit. I really can't look at him... I'm such an idiot. I know that what he said yesterday where words, just words. There was nothing behind them, no feeling. I don't want to feel as a toy or even a game so from now on there is going to be some distance between us. I can't risk him because if I don't have him it's as if a part of me is missing. I'm going to let him have a happy life with the perfect girl that has a perfect the perfect name. So yeah, here I am, being fooled. I finally see my house and take off my belt when his hand grabs mine.

"I hope you understand that I can only be friends with you."

Did you hear that? It was the last bit of my heart breaking into hundreds of little pieces . It was the last part that I've been hiding from even myself. It was hidden for someone special to find it, to fix it, and to try and put together the other pieces.