"нope" [h.s.]

Nightmares

"Stop, leave me alone. Take your hands off me." I don't know if he can hear me saying the words up loud. "Don't touch me, he will know that it was you. Leave me. Now!" Oh my god. Please make him move.

His hands run up my thighs, rubbing them. God, please help me. "Don't argue, you are all mine and no one knows that you are here." His right hand moves to my neck, trying to strangle me. I'm lying on the bed, trying to keep my legs closed but he separates them. No one knows that I'm here, he will kill me. I wish I could just die. "Don't resist yourself. I will do whatever I want to do with you. You are my daughter, you are mine." I hit him in his balls with my knee and he fells to the floor in pain. Now move, look for a door, or a window. Oh god, there isn't any windows, I can't see a door. This is the end.

When he recovers, I'm in a corner trying to break the damn wall. When he reaches me, his cold hand is in my neck once more, the other hits me in the face several times and I wish I could say that I fought and got out of this hell, but I'm making myself false hopes. He is going to do whatever he wants to do with me. He releases the hand from my neck and pushes me to the floor. My head hits the ground as hard as it could. Blood stars coming out and I'm there, on the floor unconscious. "Bitch, you're a whore. Go to hell, but first the demons in me will kill you."

I put together every strength left in my body and say the last words of mine, "It is you the one who'll go to hell. I'm not scared of demons, I, myself, also have." With that words out of my mouth, I'm ready to die. I fell his mouth on my neck. Then my body is lifted up from the floor and placed on the bed. "I'm not, scared of you." I say after realising that it wasn't true.

"You should be scared girl, you don't know the things I'm thinking about." He says, while pressing his lips in my neck bone. My thighs are separated and he is in the between them. His hands are touching every part of my body. He breaks my shirt, leaving my breast exposed to his psychotic gaze. His hands move to my chest. "Leave me! Help me please! Help! Stop!Stop! Stop! Stop!"

********

"Hey, Nat! Wake the hell up! Nat! Fuck! Wake up!" Someone is shouting at me, I can't see who it is. I'm surrounded by dark. "Nat! Wake up!" I feel someone pushing me to his chest, caressing my hair. When I open my eyes, Alex is there. He is hugging me. I am shivering. "Hey are you okay girl?" With that last word my tears spill. I can't stop myself from feeling shame. "No, stop crying. I'm here, no one will never touch you , okay? You are safe... What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" No, I just want to evaporate.

"I'm okay..." I don't know how many times I've said that, how many times I've lied to myself and to the person that asked that question.

"I know you aren't "okay". I am here if you want to talk." It isn't normal for me to see how someone gives a fuck about me... It's... weird?

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere, you felt asleep and I didn't want to wake you up. I know that you aren't sleeping well..."

"Thanks."

"Come here." I climbed over to him. Sitting on top of him. He is warm and I am shivering. I snuggled on his chest and his arms surround me . "I'm here for you. Anywhere... I will be there." Liar.

"No you weren't ."

"Sorry?"

"That night, you were too late."

"Because I didn't knew where the hell you were, and I was with Dana." Fuck him and the pain in my chest that increases when those words slip from his mouth.

"Fuck you." In seconds I'm out of the car, running, I don't know where I'm going, I just know that I want to get out of here and out of the dark that surrounds my fucked up life.

I hear him shouting to come back and that he is sorry, but he doesn't know how I feel, how my demons are trying to kill me, to drown me. Those images on my mind being played over and over again, twenty four hours, and fuck, he wasn't there. He can't say to me that he will always be there for me. He wasn't that night. God, he doesn't even care about me. He cares about that bitch called Dana. Her little princes with a fantastic life. Why do I have to like that idiot. "Fuuuckkkk!!!" When I stop, I realise that the snow is getting thicker and it is freezing. Why am I such an idiot? He wasn't there, he was late. Suddenly I fell to the floor and I just can't stand up, I'm too fed up with my life. Tears roll over my cheeks and I realise how weak I am. The snow is cold as hell. I hear him running and screaming.

"Oh my god! Nat, are you okay? Fuck, I'm such an asshole! Are you okay? Respond to me Nat! God this is all my fault!" It seems as if my mouth can't move and I am trapped in my head, unable to speak nor move. I want to ask him why he is saying that it was his fault, why he is with Dana. I want him to say that I need him to be here for me.

"Fuck Nat. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." My head is on his lap. I'm shivering and I can't do this anymore. I don't want to go home. I can't go home. I don't want him to be my everything when he can't be my nothing. I want him to be mine, to be the girl that makes him laugh, the girl that shares her life with this man. God I need him to be my everything without wondering what will happen if he is my nothing. I just can't see him every day and forget how I feel when I see him smile, when he is near me.

"I'm okay..." I say weakly, nearly whispering.

"Don't say that damn word again. I need you to trust me, to know that I'm here for you. God, I need you..." What the hell is he saying?

"Don't say stupid things... You need your girlfriend. The girl with a fantastic life. The girl with which you have spent 9 months with. The girl that makes you laugh. The girl that loves you. The girl that-"

"Don't. You are the girl that makes me laugh. You are the girl with which I've spent 13 damn years. You are the girl that I've imagined being with while I was with Dan... with her. You are my damn world Natalie. I need the girl that only smiles when I'm around. I need you." He's face is just inches apart from mine.

"I can't have one of the most important things in my life- who the hell I'm kidding? The most important thing in my life taken away from me when you realise how my life is... I wouldn't resist you going away from me. You are the only reason that I'm alive. I can't kiss you right now..."

"Shut up... I will never leave you... You are my girl..." He said that I'm his girl?

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(Hey guys,

I'm trying to update every day but if I don't, don't worry I will update the next! Do you want Alex and Nat to be together? Comment your answer! Please vote<3 so far here I have reached 101 reads! Thanks<3 love you all!)