"нope" [h.s.]

good nιgнт

His breath is heavy, it seems to relax me. He is just by my side. I can't sleep, yet I know that I need some sleep. I know that it is really late, but why not?

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't sleep..."

"Neither me... Do you want to watch a film in my PC?"

"Sounds cool." He gets on his feet, reaching for the PC on the table.

"What do you want to see?"

"The question here is which films do you have?" After a while of back and forth between which film to see, we both decide to see the fault in our stars. Yeah, I know that it's a love story but I've read the book and I don't like going to the cinema. He has the film, this is my chance to see it.

"We need to wait 30 minutes until its downloaded..." He is sitting on the floor with the PC on his tommy. I'm on the edge of the bed looking at him.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Thanks..."

"For what?"

"For being with me, even in the hardest times. Can I ask you a question?" I really need to ask him. Ugh.

"What is it..."

"Why don't you have any photos with Dana?"

"That's a good question. I don't know, she doesn't like taking photos..."

"Oh." That's weird, I mean if his your boyfriend, why not take a pic with him? "Can you... Could you... I mean it you want to..." I struggle at pulling the words out.

"Go on, move to the side!" He say laughing. It's like he can read me and it's frustrating at times. I move to the side, letting him some space so he can have enough room.

"If you feel uncomfortable you can-"

"It's okay, I want to be near you." He is only wearing pants... I snuggle with him. His right arm below my head. My hands on his torso. When his left hand reaches for my hand I feel how my cheeks flush. I lay my head on his chest, trying to hide my face.

"I don't know why the hell I'm with Dana..." He says, I know he is thinking up loud.

"Because she is the perfect girl."

"Perfect? That is boring you know?"

"And am I boring?" I tease.

"No. You are more than boring." He's such an idiot, god. But I love it.

"Then I should go..." I start to incorporate when his hands reaches for my waist and pulls me down to the bed. His hands tickling me everywhere. Oh god I can't breath. In seconds he is on top of me, the tickling gets even worse.

"I... can't... breath!" I say gasping for air. His hand moves to my wrists. His head leaning closer to my face. I can't do this... Not again...

"Sorry..." I say.

"No. It's me the one who's sorry." He says, moving off me.

"I'm tired..." I say, trying to change subject.

"Okay. Well I'll go to my bed now." He moves to the floor. Looking up to the ceiling.

"Can you give me your hand, I don't want to feel alone..." I reach for his hand. "I really am trying..."

"I know blondie... That's why I'm still here."

The thoughts of that night still haunts me. There isn't a day in which I don't think of it. How I tried to commit suicide. How he was there in every thought of mine. There was this day on which I asked to myself if I could bring myself to concentrate on my school grades, it was impossible. My professors all let me pass that year with a C,except in art... Art just gets my head off everything, being my escape from my weird mind. Everyone around me left, everyone except Alex. Hopefully, he will never leave me, he will be my everything. After my attempt, my thoughts got darker and my body couldn't support not letting out some anger. Everyone in school started laughing at me because my dad abused from me, I kind of never got we're the fucking joke was... I don't think there is one. So, instead of locking myself in my mind, I started cutting. No one knew. It was my little secret. Not even Alex...

I can say that I beat self- harm you know? And I'm proud of myself. I got out from there by my own strength. Everyday I said to myself: it isn't expected to be easy, just possible. And here it goes, it's possible. Everyday is a damn battle against my will. But I know I'll make it.

"Good night Nat." I hear him whisper.

"Night, Alex." I mumble.

I feel his thumb making circles on my hand.

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(Heyyy,

Thanks for everything's readers. Don't forget to vote and comment what you feel. I like seeing what you think about this story so far. For the ones who still read the story, thanks for not letting this book!!!! Love ya all!!! Comment and vote plsss!)