Darling

You Are a Memory

⚠️TW⚠️ This chapter includes sensitive topics such as mental health struggles, self harm, and harmful thoughts.

Darlene woke up from a nap. She sat up and stretched. Sitting there for a bit, she let her eyes adjust. For just a moment, she thought she had forgotten about the incident on her mind, but it didn't take long for her mood to drop again. It was something she couldn't stop thinking about no matter how hard she tried. She slept almost all day, but noticed no matter how much she slept, the heaviness of her eyelids never went away. It was like a permanent sting and weight that made her eyes watery and her motivation lessen, but she had no choice but to go on like everyone else.

Sh*t, I have homework.

She stared down at her hands, not wanting to put the little energy she had into that, but of course, she had to. She grabbed her textbook, notebook, and a pencil to start her work. She stopped.

I really don't want to do this right now...but it's due tomorrow.

She flipped to the right page in her textbook and began her notes. The words on the paper seemed too small and painful for her tired eyes that threatened to close. Her sight went in and out of focus as the struggle to stay awake became more difficult. She kept fighting herself from zoning out, but the rapid blinks weren't enough to stop it.

Come on, Darling, just focus on what your doing, it's not that hard.

She heard some yelling and laughing from the back yard, so she lightly shook her head and got up to see what was going on. Soda and Steve had the hose on and were flinging it around, soaking each other. Two was laughing, watching the boys slip around in the grass. Pony and Johnny watched in confusion.

"What is going on? Pony, why is this a thing that is happening?" Darlene put her hands to her temples as she watched the mess worsen.

"They said they were too hot." Johnny scoffed and smirked, watching in disbelief.

Eventually, the water turned off. Everyone looked over to see Darry crossing his arms.

"Soda, go get cleaned up. Hell, kid, you'll have mud up your fingernails for the rest of your life." He said. For some reason Two-Bit thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard in his life and collapsed laughing.

Must be drunk.

They all went back inside, and Soda quicly chnged into some dry clothes. It was 5:45PM, dinner was almost ready, but Darlene didn't have a big appetite, for she still could only see that one thing that has haunted her brain for the past 3 years, and worse the past few days. She waited for dinner to be ready and sat at the table anyways. The others joined her.

So much for getting homework done.

Darry brought the food out. Darlene poked at it and zoned out. She only heard a few things from the others conversations.

"Anyone seen 'ol Dal anywhere?"

No.

"I gotta retake that test from last week."

Me too.

"Don't be so hard on the kid all the time, Darry."

Seriously.

"When I want my kid brother to tell me what to do with my other kid brother, I'll ask you - kid brother."

Smarta**.

She thought about the past couple days. She didn't know why she was feeling this way. She didn't understand why it was so bad today. She'd never felt so bad in her life. It was difficult to ignore the constant fatigue and declining mood.

Suddenly, she noticed her chest felt tight and her heart beat quickly.

What is going on...?

Her hands got shakey and her nose felt tingly and numb.

I can't breathe.

She tried to control herself and snap out of it, but she couldn't.

Cut it out, Darlene Curtis, stop it.

Thankfully a voice forced her to turn her attention away.

"Darling, you okay?" She looked next to her to Steve and nodded.

"Yeah, I've just been tired." He poked her knee and gave a kind smile.

"I understand."

No you don't.

She sighed and put her fork down. She got up and put her plate in the sink.

"You didn't eat much, you sure you're done?" Soda watched as she walked in the direction of her room.

Without turning around, she muttered a "Yup" and closed herself in her room. She sat on her bed and pulled her knees to her chest.

God, what is wrong me?

Her eyes teared up. She grabbed her messy tangle of black hair and tucked her head between her knees, trying to block out the image in her head. She pulled her hair harder. Static is what she felt. Her while body being engulfed in static with no escape. Her throat hurt like barbed wire being wrapped around her neck and pulled. The air leaving her lungs unable to return.

What is happening to me?

She hadn't ever felt anything like this. Her chest was heavy with fear and sadness and she was shaking all over. Chills spread down her body like a waterfall of needles. She placed a hand over her pounding heart, surprised at the speed it was beating at.

My heart is beating too fast.

Her breathing got heavier and her vision got dark. Dread washed over her.

Am I dying? Am I having a heart attack?

She though of her parents.

I guess if it all ended I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Then, suddenly, she layed down, and everything stopped. She took deep breaths, her breathing slowed and her vision came back. She began crying again, scared of what happened. She didn't understand what she just felt, or why she assumed what she did, and most of all she scared herself with being so excepting of what she'd thought was happening. She gripped the closest stuffed animal her weak cold hands could reach and pulled it to her chest.

"Jesus christ..." The world around her seemed so quiet now. The air still and cold. Not one sound but the clanking of dishes in the other room.

Taking a few sharp breaths, she whispered to herself with an unsteady voice, "What the hell is wrong with me...?"

---

Around 30 minutes went by and Darlene decided she needed a distraction. She got up and checked her face in the mirror for tear stains. After she fixed herself up, she grabbed her switchblade and put it in the back pocket of her black jeans, and walked out to the living room.

"Hey, Darry, can I go for a walk around the block? I just need to stretch my legs and get some fresh air." She asked, hoping to get out for a few minutes.

"Okay, but you be back in No more than 15 minutes, you hear me?"

"Yeah." She got up and walked out the front door without a jacket.

---

"I was calling

For the last time
We'd been here before
They found pictures in the snow"
🥀🥀🥀

So, as you can see, what happened to Darling happened very fast and suddenly. I did this because this is pretty much exactly how my first panic attack felt. It was quick, but scary. And just like her, I didn't understand what was happening. I genuinely thought I was dying of a heart attack lmao. That's the thing with anxiety and panic attacks, they can happen out of nowhere. A lot of the time for no reason, too. It's weird how the brain works. 🖤🖤🖤