Darling

How do I Say Goodbye

That next morning dragged on. Darlene knew for sure she would go see Dallas again. It's all she really could do. She didn't feel like doing anything else. She was sat in Darry's chair sipping some tea, staring off into space. The phone rang and Sodapop answered. He didn't say much before reaching the phone out toward Darlene.

"Hey, it's for you." He said.

Darlene looked over at him, confused for a split second before she fully understood what he said. She set down her tea and got up, grabbing the phone.

"Hello?" She said.

"Hey, Darling, It's Mary..."

Darlene's heart sank. She completely forgot to check in on Mary. It's been too long.

"Oh, Mary, I'm so sorry I didn't call you, how are you?" Darlene asked, worried she'd hurt her friends feelings.

"Darlene, don't worry. I'm checking in on you. I've heard all about what's happened. I'm so sorry about all of it. I understand why you didn't call, you've been through so much." Mary said sweetly.

Darlene could've started crying, she was so grateful that Mary was still there waiting for her.

"I appreciate you calling, really. I'm glad you're okay after what happened that night."

"Yeah, it wasn't the greatest time of my life, but I turned out being fine. I have to go, but I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Call me whenever you need, okay?"

Darlene smiled. "Okay. Same goes for you. I'll try and talk to you soon."

The girls hung up and Darlene took a deep breath.

Thank goodness for her.

"It was Mary. She was just checking in." She announced even though her brothers didn't care all that much, but she was happy to have some support, and the 3 boys could tell.

She grabbed her tea and took one more sip before placing the mug in the sink.

"Soda, drop me off at the hospital on your way to work?" She said to him, wanting to get out of the house.

"Visiting hours aren't for a while."

She couldn't stand it being there. It felt so empty. It was so obviously missing a huge part of what she was able to call her home and it hurt being there. As much as she hated the hospital, she'd still rather be there

"I know, but...please just take me." She said, with that terrible sadness still gnawing away at her chest.

"Okay." Soda said with a nod.

The boys missed Johnny just as much. His lack of presence chilled the house. It didn't feel the same and everyone sensed the unnatural emptiness. Darry wanted Soda to take a few days off from work, he even suggested it to Steve, but neither of them wanted to because that would mean feeling that emptiness. This house that used to be so full of noise and chaos, usually in the best way possible, was now quiet and mellow. Just not the same.

Soda finished getting ready and left with his sister. It was a short and quiet drive before he dropped her off at the hospital. She went straight to the waiting room and grabbed a magazine to mindlessly stare at the models with big updos and white go-go boots.

She observed the people going in and out of the waiting room. Some people there for regular appointments, some people there waiting for discharge papers, or to pick someone up. She thought about maybe getting a snack from the vending machine, just to have something to focus on while she waited, but lately the idea of eating made her nauseous, and if she did eat, her stomach would hurt for a couple hours afterwards, which was no fun. Besides, her tongue was still healing and it was a hassle to try to eat.

She stuck to switching between skimming through the magazines and people watching for a bit longer, and as soon as the clock hit 11, she walked up to the front desk to ask to see Dallas.

"Uh huh, same room as yesterday."

She walked down the hall and knocked before entering the room. Dallas was awake staring at the ceiling with the blanket pulled to his chin. He looked so sad.

"Dallas...hey." She said as she shut the door.

"Hey." He said, not looking away from the ceiling.

Darlene grabbed the same chair she used the day before and sat next to the bed.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" She asked.

He simply shook his head no. He seemed even worse off than the day before. The bags under his eyes were more prominent and his eyes were glazed over. The more he had thought about what happened, the more real it became. It was obvious he was missing Johnny, but there was nothing she could do.

"Alright, well...let me know if you do." She said, shifting in the chair.

"My friend Mary called." She started, not knowing what else to talk about. "She's so nice. I had completely stopped talking to her. Not on purpose  of course, but she's so understanding."

He kept staring.

She looked down and messed with the rip in her jeans. It hurt to see Dallas, who was usually so nonchalant and clam, look so scared and sad. But she understood.

"I know. It hurts more everyday for you, too, huh?" She said, her face twisted into sadness, her own words beginning to make her cry.

Dallas turned his head away from Darlene, knowing seeing her cry would start him too.

"It's not fair." Her voice broke and it was higher now, as her tears fell. "I can't imagine a future without him, either."

🥀Dallas🥀

He kept his head turned away as she spoke. He knew that she understood how he felt, but he still felt so alone. Her crying so empty, but it still broke his heart. He loved Johnny. He was his best friend. His brother. And there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back or take the pain away. Not even Darlene, and she knew it.

He listened to her continue to cry, tears sliding down his face and onto the pillow.

"I'm so sorry." She said.

Sorry for what? Johnny? There's nothing left to be sorry about now.

He wiped his face and finally turned to look at her.

"I just can't f*ckin' believe Johnny Cakes is gone." He said.

Darlene nodded and wiped her face too.

They stayed quiet after that, sitting in their own company, periodically looking over at each other. At one point, the. The nurse came in to change his bandages and check his wounds. Darlene had to look away because she was especially squeamish to injuries lately. Couldn't stand to see them. Dallas was so grateful she was there, though. He hated being in the hospital alone and she was comforting to have around, even if their pain rubbed off on each other.

Once it started getting late, Darlene got up and stretched, her back slightly popping.

"I should go. I'm sure Darry will be picking me up soon and I'm real tired. You should try to get some sleep, too."

He nodded. "I don't think I'll be able to."

Darlene frowned. "Yeah, me too." She gave him a quick, weak smile before turning towards the door. He watched her open it, and his heart jumped.

"Wait, Darling." He called. She turned to him, halfway out the door already. "Will you come back tomorrow?" He asked.

She smiled, a little more genuinely this time. "Yeah, of course. I'll see you tomorrow." Then she left.

Dallas sighed and relaxed into the bed, noticing his soreness even more now that she was gone. He couldn't wait for her to come back.

---
🥀🥀🥀
"And there's no way you could ever let me down
Gonna steal some time and start again
You'll always be my closest friend
And someday we are gonna make it out
Just hold the light, just hold the light"

What's up? So I've started adding in some physical symptoms that come with anxiety and depression bc ajajjajajas that's the way it is.🥴