Brave

I Swear I'm Normal

|Michelle's P O V|
The music died down, the duet ended with Eldon holding me in his arms very romantically, I mean I'm a sucker for romance, but I don't want romance with him, at all. Ever since I arrived at The Next Step I've had my eye on someone. That someone is definately not Eldon, but I have to pretend it is. I can't let anyone at The Next Step know that I'm abnormal. By abnormal, I mean I'm a lesbian, I've always been one, and I will always be one. I just don't have any physical or romantic attraction to guys. If the people here find out I'm attracted to girls, I risk losing all of my friends and everyone's respect. I have no idea if the people here are homophobic or not. I've never asked, that would be too obvious. I just don't know. I can't tell my teammates if I'm not certain they will be okay with it. I have to pretend to like Eldon, it will make me seem straight. My only problem is that Eldon is taken. He has Emily, and I am honestly so jealous. I want to be the one who gets to call Emily their girlfriend. Who the hell am I kidding. Emily is straight. She's in a relationship with a guy, and even if she wasn't straight, why would she go for me... after what I did to her, I'm certain she hates me, I have no idea how to make it up to her... what if I offer her co-captaincy again, maybe now she'll take it. It's worth a shot, and maybe with being co-captains, we'll spend more time together, I hope.
"Eldon I have to go, we'll practice tomorrow, okay?" Eldon nodded and I rushed out of Studio B to find Emily.

|Eldon's P O V|
I put on my sneakers and grabbed my backpack, I need to get out of here. I left Studio B and walked through the hallway to the exit, when I was suddenly stopped by a voice.
"Eldon." the voice yelled down the hallway. I heard very weird sounding footsteps approaching. I turned around to see Daniel. The crutches must have made those weird "footstep" noises.
"Eldon... we haven't talked since you-" I was not in the mood for this, honestly.
"I know, I'll see you later man, I'm in a rush." I quickly made my way out of The Next Step and got into my mom's car. All I could think of on the way home was what happened with Daniel, it's all just too much. When I got to my house, I immediately made my way to my bedroom and shut the door. I threw my backpack across the room and plopped down on my bed. Tears were rolling down my cheek. All of the memories were coming back.

We were in Studio A, everyone had left. It looked like Daniel was about to leave, so I started to blast my music and use more of the floor space. Daniel wasn't about to leave though... he was just getting a drink. As soon as he heard my music blasting he stormed over to the radio and unplugged it.
"What do you think you're doing." Daniel seemed extremely mad. While I was trying to think of something to say, I guess he was growing impatient. Daniel raised his voice, "Eldon, what's your problem, answer me."
I hate being yelled at, it makes me so mad...
"Cool it dude!" I yelled at Daniel, Daniel clenched his fist, his facial expression went from impatient to angry, and he yelled back.
"Don't tell me to cool it Eldon, don't test me." I had never seen Daniel get so, so angry. At this point I was extremely mad, every inch of me from my head to my toes was filled with rage. Without thinking I shoved Daniel into the mirrors, hard. His face went blank, I probably scared him really badly. All of a sudden I felt a fist come in contact with my face, as soon as I had realised what happened, I punched him back, right in the eye, causing him to yell in pain. We just looked at each other for a moment, he was still pinned against the mirrors, his face was swelling and red, he looked as if he were about to yell at me, before he could say anything, something came over me, I don't know if it was rage, or the heat of the moment... or what it was, but the next thing I knew I pressed my lips against his. I pushed him harder into the mirrors, kissing him with full force. He was trying to escape, he was struggling to get me off of him. After a few seconds, he did manage to get me off of him and he yelled "Get away from me Eldon!" he ran out of Studio A without looking back.

That was my first kiss, it happened before Emily kissed me, it was the worst first kiss ever. I don't know what came over me but I regret it so much, if I could go back in time and change anything, I would change that. I force-kissed him, he didn't want it all. I hate myself so much for it. I feel bad that Daniel had to experience that. I hate myself so much. What I did was so so wrong. I can't block this stupid memory out, I wish I could, but I can't. I just wish it never happened, I'm a sicko.
*buzz*
I looked over at my phone, 1 new message. I decide to ignore it, I'm not in the mood to text right now.
I have spent the past 3 months hating myself, and feeling depressed and confused. I don't know whether I'm like kinda sorta gay or not. My sexuality has been something that has always confused me, like I think I only feel romantic emotions for guys, which sucks. I have no idea which gender I'm sexually attracted to, it sort of changes. It's all just so confusing. It would be so much easier if I were straight, if I were normal. I'm not though, and I hate myself for it. I just want to be normal, but since I can't be normal, I at least have to pretend I am, because if anyone finds out about me possibly being gay or something, I'll probably get bullied so much, and I don't want that. I really don't want that.