Brave

Not Your Secret (part 1)

note: in the next two chapters Michelle's POV will look like this (normal), and Emily's will be in italics.
Enjoy.

I wait for Michelle, she said she was coming over today, I can't wait to see her. I love it when she comes over, we always have so much fun, I just love her so much. I got so lucky having her as my girlfriend. Maybe I'll ask her if she wants to sleep over, I could really use the night with her, I could always use the night with her. She makes me feel so happy, I'm so happy just being with her, none of my exes have ever made me feel so happy, I never want to let Michelle go, I don't think I could live without her, even though we've only been together a few months, I know we have something very special.

It's one week until Nationals, one week. Emily still won't come out yet, what is her problem? I'm starting to feel like she doesn't really love me because if she did, she would've told people by now, it's not like the people in A-Troupe weren't supportive of Hunter and Eldon, I don't know what she's so afraid of.
"Emily we really need to talk."
I know that's not the first thing she wants to hear when I walk into her house, but I'm really hurt right now, I need her to give me a valid explanation as to why she wants to keep me a secret, or I think I might just have to end things now. I really love her, she makes me so happy, I don't want to do this, but I can't be someone's secret, I just can't. If she loved me, she'd be proud to be with me, like I'm proud to be with her.
"Okay, what's up?" Emily asks.
"Why won't you come out?" I ask her, I'm being super straightforward right now, I need answers, I just need her to tell me she's ready to come out.
"I'm just not ready." Emily responds.
I'm just not ready, whatever, that's not good enough for me.
"I don't want to be your secret anymore Emily, I can't help but feel like you're ashamed to be with me."
Emily looks hurt, that makes me upset but, I can't go on like this anymore.
"I'm sorry Michelle, I'm not ashamed of you, I love you, I'm just..."
"You're just what? I can't keep doing this, if you really loved me you'd do this for me, for us. Hunter and Eldon came out, everyone was fine with it, I don't understand why we can't come out too, I'm sick of hiding." I can feel myself starting to tear up, Emily is starting to cry as well.
"Please, I love you, I want to be with you, I'm just scared." Emily pleads, I shake my head, "Until you get over your fear, we're over. This isn't good for me, or good for us. I really really love you, I'm so incredibly in love with you, but I need someone who doesn't make me feel ashamed of who I am, I want someone who is willing to openly be with me, and until you're that person, I'm done." I walk out of her house.
"Michelle please don't do this. I love you." Emily calls out.
"You did this to yourself Emily." I say, not looking back once.

I watch Michelle leave, just like that, she's gone, out of sight.
All of our memories flash through my head, our first kiss, our first date, all the time I've spent with her, I loved her. I still love her. I can't believe she just broke up with me, and it's all my fault. I cry, I can't control the tears. I just can't believe she did this to me, I can't believe we're over.
I close the door, and I break down, I just cry, and I cry, and I cry, not moving from this spot, I can't, it's like I'm stuck, I can't seem to really process that that just happened.
"Emily? Emily are you okay? What happened?" Riley runs up to me and she pulls me in for a hug.
"Michelle broke up with me."
I never thought I'd say those words out loud, I never thought this would happen, I really thought we had something special, I thought things were going well, I didn't know she felt that way. I really messed up.
"I'm so sorry Em." Riley says.
I'm probably soaking Riley's shirt, I just want this to be a nightmare, I want to wake up, and I want Michelle to still be my girlfriend. I want her back.

This night hasn't been fun, I can't seem to get my mind off of Emily. I can't tell if regret breaking up with her or not, it was for the better right? I did it for myself, I deserve to be with someone who isn't ashamed of me.
I look at the pictures from the photobooth, that night sure was perfect.
I need to stop.
How do I get my mind off of her? How do I distract myself? It seems impossible, she's all I can think about right now.
I turn up my music, it's blasting through my headphones, I just need to get away from my thoughts, drown them out, that's the only way I'm going to be able to get to sleep.

It's six in the morning, I haven't sleep all night, not that it matters anyways. I'm not going to school, I'm not going to dance, I'm just going to stay here, I'm not in the mood to get up. What's the point? I spent the entire night starting at the ceiling, and I think I cried so much I ran out of tears, because now I just feel sad, and tired, but I still can't seem to cry anymore even though I feel like I should be crying. I don't want to believe that we're over, we're not, we aren't over we can't be. I can't let her go so easily.
I set my alarm for twelve, I know what I have to do, I know what I'm going to do, I spent all night debating with myself about it, but first I need some sleep.