Secret Love Song - Ben Chilwell

Seventy Four.

December 5th 2020

"I really like this song Ash" Leah stated, as her eyes skimmed the page that Ashley had been scribbling all over. "But it's not about Jordan is it?" Leah questioned, as Ashley sat up in her chair, placing the makeup brushes down and turning around in the swivel chair to face her two bandmates.

"It isn't no" Ashley whispered, as Skye smiled at her. "You can tell us anything you know Ash" Leah smiled, as Ashley ran a hand through her wavy hair, nodding her head.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you guys" Ashley stated, as Leah looked over at her, raising an eyebrow briefly. "And Im not sure if this is going to make us or break us" Ashley stated, her tone of voice light, almost seemingly confident, but she was breaking beneath the surface.

"No matter what you say, we're going to love you either way" Skye reminded Ashley, smiling at her as she placed a hand on her shoulder as Ashley nodded her head. "Mine and Jordans relationship is fake" Ashley stated, as Leah laughed nodding her head. "It was obvious from the moment that I saw you look at Ben in the audience the other month that you didn't have any romantic feelings for Jordan in the slightest" Leah smiled. "I mean, I look at how me and Alex are and think that would never be you and Jordan but now I don't feel as bad thinking it" Leah smiled.

"So, why are you marrying him? Am I missing something?" Skye questioned, as Ashley took a deep breath, nodding her head. "If I didn't marry Jordan I had to leave the band, a publicity stunt gone wrong" Ashley mumbled, as Skye's eyes widened. "Would Dave really agree with that?" Skye questioned, as Ashley shook her head. "It was done long before Dave was our manager, this has been going on for years" Ashley stated, as both of the band mates shook their heads.

"I'd rather you be happy than in a miserable relationship" Leah spoke softly, almost as if she had made her mind up. "And I'm sorry but the way Ben looks at you, the way you look at him, you've totally got it on haven't you?" Leah teased, as Ashley shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips.
"We haven't, but we've come close a couple of times" Ashley smiled, as her mind casted back to the lockdown stint that they had done at Jack and Ambers house.

~~~~~

"Ben, we said this was the last time, last time" Ashley whispered, as Ben's arms snuck around her waist, as he rested his head on her shoulder, holding her close than just friends would. "Ash, cant you just leave him? honestly, I've never seen you as happy as i have this last week or two than ever" Ben mumbled, as he began to kiss against her cheek, Ashley leaning back into his chest. They had to be quiet, all of their friends were in the next room, and maybe it was the risk of being caught that had Ben in this position right now.

"Arguable you didn't know me before this" Ashley stated, as she spun around on her heels, turning to face the Chelsea defender, but as soon as she caught his eyes, she knew she was done for, she knew this would only ever end with not one broken heart, but two.

"What do i have to do for you to leave him?" Ben questioned, as Ashley sighed to herself. "You know I cant just leave him, you know the situation Ben" Ashley stated, as Ben nodded his head. "You know you don't have to be in a band to sing" Ben smiled, as Ashley shook her head. "But, if you was told you could leave Chelsea, but never play football professionally again, would you?" Ashley questioned back, as Ben shook his head, the smile fading from his lips.

"Look Ben, i think i really like you, i love spending time with you, but this can't keep happening" Ashley stated, as Bens lips grew dangerously close to Ashley's. "You keep saying this, but we keep ending up here, are you sure there's something you don't want to admit?" Ben whispered, as his lips ghosted against hers, before Ashley mentally kicked herself and placed her lips against his, holding her hands to his chest as his other hand snaked around her waist, holding her close to him.

"Didn't mean to interrupt but being the popcorn through when you're done yeah?" Jack smirked, as Amber stood next to him, holding his hand with a wide smile on her face. "For fuck sake" Ashley muttered to herself, as she grabbed the popcorn from the side and followed her friends through to the lounge.

~~~~~

For tonight, I'm going to get my mind off it, don't care that someone's got his hands all over my body, stay out all night, go where the music is loud, so I don't have to think about it

Skye and Ashley sang in harmony, both smiling and dancing with each other to the beat of the music as it played around them. Leah smiling at them both enjoying themselves, they knew that deep down is Ashley wanted to be happy, that the time that they had was limited.

Not one of them ever imagined singing on a stage without the other, but deep down Leah and Skye both knew that this could be the end.

Leah and Skye would never dream of one of the best friends being upset or unhappy when there was a way out of it all, even if it did mean you had to make a sacrifice.

But as the three of them sang, in perfect harmony for rehearsals for the Grammys, it didn't matter what change happened outside of that room, it didn't matter what happened on stage, they knew that they'd always have each other, they knew that there would be light at the end of it all.

I wonder if it ever will change, I'm living for that day, someday