Luke's P.O.V
I feel like a total jackass. I should have never said that to him. He didn't deserve that. I pull out my phone to text him. I shouldn't have let my anger turn into that, he doesn't deserve that.
LUKE: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.
No response
LUKE: I know your probably pissed at me and I wouldn't blame you. I promise I'll be more patient. I'm angry because I'm worry and I'm sorry. I should have never said those words Ash, I just want to be there for you and I don't know how.
Still no response.
Out of worry I walk back to the tour bus.
It's gone? Did they actually leave me? What the hell? Are they that pissed at me? We all say things we don't mean.
I pull out my phone again to see a text from Calum.
CALUM: At the downtown hospital jackass. Come if you want, but don't be a dick. You've fucked up big time.
Hospital? My heart sank. I hailed a cab and climbed in.
"Downtown hospital please." I tell the driver, I put my head between my knees and think. I guess his infection didn't clear up. That's the only reason I could think of why they would be there. He's just being dramatic as always.
"We're here buddy, that will be 25.50$." He says. I hand him the money and head inside of the ER. I look around and see Calum and Michael sitting. Calum is covered in blood staring at the wall. I quickly walk over to them. I'm panicking, what have I done??
"What happened?" I ask
"You fucking happened!" He yells at me
"Me? I wasn't even around? How could I have caused this? You threw me off of the bus?" I scream back at him. Balling my fist by my sides.
"You should have never said that to him. Luke your word where the most vile thing that has been spoken on this earth. Thanks to you I had to see one of my best friends in a pool of his own blood due to your words." Michael says.
My heart sank. I walk out of the ER. I see our tour bus parked and I head inside to grab a pack of cigarettes from my luggage, and walk back out near the entrance and light up a smoke. I sit down on the side walk and pull my knees closer to my chest. I killed him didn't I?
I killed my best friend due to my lack of control. I'm never drinking again. I have to get control of myself.
"Hey, he's okay." I hear someone say.
I look up to see Michael.
"You need to control yourself, don't say anything rude. Put that out and get up." He says as he motions for me to follow him.
I put the cigarette out and follow him inside and up to Ashton's room. He's awake. Sitting. Wrist bandaged. Talking with the doctor. I wait until the doctor leaves and then walk inside lingering by the door while the other two boys rush to Ashton's side. Guilt is eating me alive. I slowly walk over to Ashton's bedside behind Calum. He's staring at me. I feel like such a fool. How could I let myself say those things. How could I do this to someone I Love? Love? Do I love him?
"Cal, Michael? Can you guys give me and Luke a moment." He ask.
The other two leave but stay near the door. Neither one of us speaking. Just silence.
"I'm sorry." I utter tears flowing from my eyes
"I should have never said those things Ashton, I was angry because I was scared. But that was no reason to say those things to you." At this point I was full on sobbing, letting the tears flow down my face.
"What you said will never be okay, please just go." He says as he looks away from me.
I turn around and exit his room and walk down the hall towards the front of the ER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ashton's P.O.V
"What you said will never be okay, please just go." I say to him.
He turns around and leaves still crying. I lean my head back into the pillow. I hear Calum and Michael come back in.
"They gave us an option, you either stay here on a 72 hour psychological hold. Or we can discharge you into our care, if we sign the papers to discharge you, then you are taking the meds that they are prescribing after your psychiatrist evaluation. And also there will be some changes on the tour just for your own safety. No razors, daily checks, and a meal plan. The choice is yours." Calum said to me
A meal plan? Why would I need a meal plan? I don't need a meal plan, I need to have better control, not eat as much.
"I want to continue the tour, discharge me." I say. I pull my knees up to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible.
After my psychiatrist evaluation they diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and anorexia. Great now it's solidified to me that I am truly a mess.
This is what you get for failure.
Later on the nurse brought in the papers that I had to sign and they wheeled me out. The driver had pulled our bus up to the front. I weakly walk up the steps inside and head directly to my bunk. I pull the curtain back and crawl in.
"Curtain stays open." Michael says as he pulls it back open. I pull my covers over myself and stare out the window. I hear them in the bathroom going through all of my stuff. I know they are going to throw away everything they think is dangerous.
"Phone." Calum says from behind me
"Why?" I ask
"Take the case off the back." He demands
I take the case off and hand him the extra blade is kept stashed in it. I lay back down. I'm out of options. They took the razors. Threw away the alcohol. And locked everyone's medication in Calum's bag. I'm a prisoner. I'm not even in control over my own meds. Calum is. He has a schedule of them. Prozac twice a day. With food. That's the part I'm most scared about. I don't want to gain weight. I'm already huge why are they doing this to me. I need to be on a diet not a meal plan meant to gain weight. I have no control anymore. Why didn't I just go through with it? Now I've lost every shred of decency I have.
I roll over to see Luke staring at me
"Can I help you." I ask
"Ashton, I will never be able to take my words back, I will never be able to fix what I have done. I am so sorry Ashton. I'm so sorry." He sobs
"Luke, you have to stop drinking or what ever it is that's making you into this verbal monster, it makes you into someone I know your not." I say
"I know, and I'm sorry." He says
After a few moments of silence
"Do you wanna cuddle?" He ask
"Whatever." I say as I move over to make room for him. I turn to face the window while laying on my side. He pulls his body closer to mine. Connecting our hips. And intertwining our legs. His free hand is stroking my hair. He pulls his phone out and opens Netflix and puts on Toy Story for us to watch. His hand moves from my hair to my side. He's rubbing small circles on my hip bones, his hand makes his way to my chest. He slides his hand under my sweatshirt and placed it over my heart.
Don't let him touch you. He's going to feel how fat you are.
I remove his hand so that I could roll over into his chest. He resumes his hand on the small of my back pulling me closer. I look up at him. Our eyes meeting. His face inches from mine.
"I love you Ashton." He whispers
Did Luke just say he's love's me?
YOU ARE READING
The Irwin Chronicles//lashton
FanfictionWhile on tour Ashton has been struggling the past couple of months, while no one seems to notice, until Luke does one day. Luke who has started drinking again struggles to contain his back and forth mindset with his feelings towards Ashton and his o...
