Ashton's P.O.V
He doesn't love me. But why would he say that he loves me? There's nothing to love about me. There's nothing to like about me. He's my band mate. My best friend. Now I want more? I want to cut so bad now, but I can't I have nothing to do it with. I need to deal with these feelings, I don't want to deal with them.
He could never love you.
"Got anything to smoke" I ask
"Not for you." He says
"Come on let's get high together and then eat a bunch." I whine trying to win my way. Being sort of manipulative. I need to get that bottle empty and hide it. I just need to get out of my head
"Fine, you win." He says.
Weed will make you even fatter.
"I don't want to do drugs." I whisper
"Well, haha, fine let me get the bong." He says as he gets up out of my bunk and walks over to his. He reaches into the small cabinet above it and pulls it out and brings it over to me. He lights it for me as he holds it and I inhale the smoke, letting it deeply fill my lungs. Instantly I start coughing, trying to contain it, not to wake the other boys up. He puts it up to his own mouth and takes a hit of it, blowing it out much smoother then I did. He sets it down on the floor and then hops into the bunk and lays down next to me. I roll over so I could be the little spoon. Once again our bodies are intertwined.
He starts lightly stroking my bandages wrist.
Why are you letting him touch you?? he is pitying you.
"I wish I could take your pain, I promise never to be mean like that again. I'm so sorry." He whispers to me.
"It's okay." I respond. I roll back over into his chest. He pushes away a few inches and pulls my hoodie up a little above my torso exposing my tummy and hips. I look disgusting. He moves his head down towards my hips and lightly kisses the scars. He runs his hand along them and light touches the biggest one.
"You are to perfect to do this to yourself." He says as he brings his head back up to level with mine.
He looks into my eyes and takes his hand and strokes my face. He kisses my forehead.
"Turn back over baby." He says. Baby? This boy must be high out of his mind. I turn back over and he wraps his body around mind. His free hand is on my hip. Slowly rubbing up and down it. Brushing over the fresh scars.
"Hungry yet?" He ask
"Yes." I response, for once I feel like eating.
Why did you say yes? Lie to him, you don't need it.
"Can I smoke again?" I ask
"I'm sobering up haha, and I don't plan on smoking anymore. But you can If you want." He says.
He untangles himself from me and grabs the bong off of the floor, I sit up on the bunk and take another hit as he lights it, this time its much smoother and I'm not hacking my lungs up.
He sets the bong back into the cabinet and helps me into his arms and carries me into the kitchen.
He sets me down on the couch and pulls out a few bags of chips and then dip. He walks back over to me and sits down next to me.
He places the food in my lap and then his hand on my thigh. Lightly rubbing small circles on it.
"Go ahead baby, I'm not gonna judge you for eating." He says. His eyes are full of concern
YOU ARE READING
The Irwin Chronicles//lashton
أدب الهواةWhile on tour Ashton has been struggling the past couple of months, while no one seems to notice, until Luke does one day. Luke who has started drinking again struggles to contain his back and forth mindset with his feelings towards Ashton and his o...
