The Irwin Chronicles//lashton

Almost Show time

Luke's P.O.V

I wake up to the blaring of the alarm going off.

9am. Ugh.

I turn the alarm off and I push ashton gently off of me and slide out of bed. I walk back to the bathroom and open the door up and lock it behind me. I turn the shower on and hop inside of it. Letting myself have a moment of peace. Just enough time to clear my head before I have to fake everything again. Before I have to pretend to be in love with someone.

But you do love him? Why are you denying it?

I let the water run over my face and neck. Clearing every thought from my head. I turn the shower off and grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. I unlock and open the door to head back to the bunk area. I open my suitcase to look for my sweatshirt. It's not there. I look up to see ashton wearing it. Great. The one thing I wanted to wear. I throw on a long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. I turn towards Ashton's bunk to see him awake on his phone. I put a fake smile on my face.

"Good morning! How did you sleep?" I ask

"Good, how did you?"

"With you next to me, I slept great." I say with a grin. His face immediately turns red. I climb back into bed with him. He snuggles up to me. I place my hand on his back and he puts his leg over me. His head resting on my chest. I run my hand through his hair with the other hand and lightly play with his curls.

"You ready for todays concert?" I ask him

"I'm so ready, it's gonna be the best show yet!" He replies as his hand traces my side. I can't do this. I don't love him. I have to. For the band. For the fans. And for Ashton's mental health.

Why do you keep lying to yourself? You love him.

"It's time for your meds." I say as I gently push him off of me and slide out of the bunk and walk into the kitchen. I see Calum sitting on the couch

"Time for Ashton's meds." I say to Calum. He stands up with no reply. He walks over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water and then heads into the bunk area. Thank god Not all the responsibilities are on me. Im glad Calum is helping in this area. It really takes a load off of me. I sit down on the couch in the living room and turn the tv on. Nothing good is on. Calum walks back into the kitchen and throws himself down on the couch next to me and pulls his phone out. A few seconds later I felt a buzz in my pocket.

CALUM: Is ashton good?

LUKE: yea, why?

CALUM: just making sure! Just after everything that's happened, just kinda concerned.

I set my phone back down and lean my head back on the couch. I close my eyes and let my mind wander for a bit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ashton's P.O.V

After Calum brought me my medication, I headed back to take a shower. I close the door and locked it behind me. I open the shower curtain to turn the water on to see someone's razor in the shower.

Just do it ASHTON. You'll feel amazing.

I give into the feeling and pick it up. I sit myself down on the ground to pry the plastic back off of it, and then take a shampoo bottle from the shower to break the head off of it. I pull one of the blades out of the slot.

Not your wrist. Don't be an attention whore. Do it somewhere no one will see.

I take my shirt and pants off, throwing them in the corner. I place my free hand on my hip and with the other holding the blade I make one deep cut in my side. My eyes roll back in euphoria. The high was strong, my body flooded with the bittersweet feeling.

Do it again.

I reposition the blade on my hip and make another cut on it. The feeling rushing through me. By the time I was done I had 5 new, bleeding cuts. The problem with the high is the come down. In the moment you don't feel the downside. Only the high, the quite, and especially the rush. But when it's over your left with this oh crap what did I do moment and the guilt sets in. You feel nothing but remorse and guilt but it's a cycle that you know you can't break. Dependent.

I hop into the shower and let the water wash over my body. I look down to see the blood flow down the drain. Slowly moving down my hip and leg. A peaceful river of my blood. Nothing compares to the feeling.

You don't need anyone. You don't deserve these boys. You just keep fucking up.

The voices are right. I have so many people trying to help me and I keep fucking up. It's not fair to them to have and keep helping me. I don't want their help. I just want to be gone. I keep causing so many problems for everyone at this point. It isn't fair. Should I just end it. Here and now? No I can't. We have a show tonight. I can't do it to the other boys. I know how much the fans love them. I lean my head against the wall. Letting the water run down my back. I turn the water off and wrap a towel around my waist. Making sure it was high enough to cover my cuts. They already know about the ones on my arms so I'm not concerned about those showing. I pick up the remains of the broken razor and throw the rest in the trash. I grab some toilet paper to wrap the blades in and open the bottom cabinet and show it towards the back out of sight. I open the bathroom door to see Micheal standing there.

"Have a nice shower?" He asked

"I did, all yours!" I say as I let him into the bathroom. I walk into the bunk area and open my suitcase up. Dang. I left Luke's hoodie in the bathroom. I pick up a band Tshirt and a pair of sweats. I throw them on while no one is around. I lay back down in my bunk and lean my head against the pillow

Today is gonna suck.