The Irwin Chronicles//lashton

Another day Another Mess up

Ashton's P.O.V 

I can't even keep it together long enough for the boys to stop worrying. I hate myself for it so much. I can't believe Luke found out about what I've done. He can't know anymore.

You should just end it. Then they wouldn't have to worry about you. Do something to about it.

These thoughts running though my head. I can't just off myself. I can't do that to them. They need me.
Or do they?

The pain in my stomach keeps getting worse. I need to eat something. Even though I don't want to, I can't afford another hospital visit. I can't sleep due to the pain. Damn...I don't even know if there's any food in the fridge. It won't hurt to look. I throw my legs over my bunk and jump off of it. As I shuffle over to the fridge I pass Luke's bunk. He's sound asleep. Good for him.

I reach the fridge and open it. Nothing inside but a stupid tub of ice cream. I'll just have a few bites. That will satisfy my hunger. I grab the tub and a spoon and walk to the bathroom.

I take a seat on the floor and open the tub. It's almost full.....Great. I stick the spoon in and allow it to go in deep. After eating the first bite I couldn't help myself. Bite after bite after guiltily bite, I finish it. What a mess up I am. I can't even keep my cravings in check. The only control I have over myself is now gone. The pain is replaced with a new one. I see the scale sitting near by. I've already messed up. Might as well see how bad I did. I stand up from the ground and hop on the electric scale. 54.4kg flashes up on the screen. 2kg heavier than when we started the tour. This is not good. This is down right pitiful, how could I let myself get this high.

Your just the same fat-ass you where in high-school.
You're so stupid for eating that.

Tears begin to roll down my cheeks. The stream of tears turn into a sob. My legs crumple beneath me, as I slide down the wall my and my sobs get louder. I don't even care anymore. I wanna die. I hate this so much. I start pulling at my hair. Trying to make myself feel something.

"What the hell Ashton." Is all I hear.

        "Please don't tell the others." I'm panicking, I've been caught twice in the last 24 hours. At least I have purged it yet.

"I won't but, why are you going downhill?" He ask

"I don't know." I feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"Okay.... Ashton I know what you did earlier." He says as he sits down besides me.

"I didn't do anything." The internal panic is starting to take over.

"Then just quit it with the emotional problems." His words stabbing me

Your being dramatic. Keep it together.

"I'm sorry" I choke out between sobs.

"Seriously, Get it together." He says as he stands from the floor. Peering over me.

"Just quit it with the emotional problems. Seriously, Get it together." He's say as He stand from the floor. Peering over me with disgust filled eyes. I watch him walk away from me and I'm left once again by myself. Laying here on the floor.

"Luke." I cry out weakly....."please come back! Don't leave me alone again!" I cry. The tears escaping from my face. I feel a hand being placed on my shoulder. But it's not Luke. Instead I look up to see Calum. Staring at me. He takes hold of my arm and lifts me up like it's nothing. I don't say anything to him. Instead I walk back with him to my bunk just to see the other two boys there......awake....staring at me.