The Irwin Chronicles//lashton

Dressing room

Ashton's P.O.V

We finally arrive at the venue and get off the tour bus. As we walk inside through the back entrance, I see Luke and Calum trailing behind me, I can hear them talking, but I can't make out what they are saying. I don't care. I take my headphones out of my bag and place them in my ears. Letting the music drown out everything else. This is our last show on the Bus before we start the real traveling. I need to talk to our manager, flying is the one thing that I cannot do. I get freaked out and I panic. It's something about being up that high. No control over anything.

I pull out my phone to text our manager

ASHTON: hey, is there any way you could get me something to relax for the plane trips? You know how bad I panic on them. Just with everything going on, I don't want to stress out the other boys with even more of my issues. Maybe even talk about the meds I'm on currently also. Idk if I want to be on these.

MANAGER: hey kid, sure, let me get a psychiatrist  here before the show. He'll talk with you privately just about everything. I know Calum has your current medication, you okay if I give it to him after I pick it up?

ASHTON: that's fine. Thank you.

I shove my phone back into my pocket and continue walking towards backstage. I finally reach the dressing room and sit myself down on the couch. Im the only one here? I didn't even realize that I was alone. I see my bag with my name on it. I wonder what clothes have been picked out for me tonight. I un-zip the bag to see a note on top.

Ash- I made sure that you had long sleeves for tonight. Don't worry about anything else other then playing. We'll get you taken care of; after this show we have a therapist retained, when ever you need someone that's impartial and completely removed from this lifestyle, you got options.
- manager

Great, even less control. I feel like I can't do anything right. I pick up the clothes from the bag and head into one of the changing stalls, as soon as I pull the curtain back I hear the door open.

"He's going to be fine Luke, you need to chill out, to be honest you caused this. You pushed him over the edge. Be a better friend bro. He needs us. He needs you to get your shit together. You need to stop drinking. Your so back and forth emotionally. If you can't get it together, then just stay away from him."....is that Calum? I can't directly make out the voice. But whoever it is, is talking to Luke... about me??

"Calum, chill out. I'm fine. I'm just as worried as you are, I just have a hard time accepting it, I think that's why I've been so hot and cold. I don't want to accept that he's right back where he started. That he hasn't recovered. I feel like it's my fault." Luke says

"It kinda is your fault, at least the push over the edge. You have to accept that he's not doing as well as we thought. We all think about who he was back in high-school in the back of our heads. We never want him back there. But your words put him there. Even though you almost drove him to end it all, your still the only person he wants to talk to. He doesn't open up to Me or Micheal at all. If he needs you, your there. This isn't a suggestion, this is a demand." Calum says.

Why are they talking about me? Why are they so worried? I don't want them to worry? Great, the guilt is setting in. Why can't I control myself? Why can't I be normal? Calum is right, why do I only want to talk to Luke, it's not that I don't trust the other boys. But it's different. I can't explain it. I can't take this. I throw the curtain open.

"Why are you guys talking about me? I'm fine. I'm back on medication, the manger got me a therapist. I'm gonna be okay." I yell, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.