brooklyn nights

chapter nineteen

goodbye;

3rd person POV

Joan woke up from movement next to her. A quiet groan left her mouth as she closed her eyes again, not wanting to get up any time soon. Spot smiled at the woman, not wanting to wake her up. He grabbed his bag and stood there next to the bed, watching her. Her breathing was slow, raising her chest now and then. It was peaceful. But he soon realized that he needed to leave, so he got closer to her, leaning down. "I love you, Joan." Not knowing that she was awake, listening to his words, he placed a soft kiss on her cheek before opening the door and making his way to the harbor. Joan laid in her bed, noticing tears rolling down her face again. A soft sob left her lips as she realized that he left. Her hand touched the place where the man's lips laid on just moments before. And then it hit her. Spot was gone. He wouldn't come back. Those short seconds were their goodbye. She felt a knot inside of her, giving her the need to throw up. She quickly jumped up, ran out the door, inside the boys' room, and made it just in time to the toilets to lean over and feel everything coming outside of her. The sound was awful and she could hear some of the boys groaning. "Which one of you's had too much to drink?!" Footsteps came closer and Joan could feel everything coming up again, emptying her stomach again. "Hell, Joan?" A hand touched her shoulder to which she threw herself against the wall, not wanting anyone near her. Red eyes looked up, meeting Jack Kelly. He had worry written all over his face. "Hey, it's alright." He got down, slowly coming closer to her. But Joan couldn't help herself. A scream left her mouth which turned into a loud sob. "No!" She moved away from him, hugging her legs. Nothing but loud sobs coming from her. Jack watched her scared, not knowing what was happening. He knew Joan for a long time and has never seen her this broken before. All he wanted to do was hug her, making her feel safe. "Joan, what happened?" His voice was soft, not wanting to disturb her anymore. But as he reached his hand out for her, another scream came out, her whole body shaking. Joan felt how all the energy she felt before was gone. She felt weak. Hugging her legs, she tried to stop the shaking, but it didn't work. Not much later a crowd built up behind Jack, wondering what was happening. Mudders went around to which Jack turned towards the group angry. "Screw off!" He screamed at them to which most left the room, just Race and Kid staying behind. Joan couldn't care less who was watching, all she wanted was for Spot to stay. Race got closer to Jack, pulling him behind and whispering something in his ear. "Oh, man. Joan, I'm sorry. He'll come back." She screamed again, not knowing how to express her feelings. The weakness took over and she felt herself move towards Jack, leaning against him as he wrapped his arms around her body. He pulled her as close as possible, not wanting her to feel alone. "I don't think I have the right, but did you say goodbye?" She looked up at Kid, whose heart broke at her state. Her once bright eyes were red, the blue sticking out even more now. She had dark circles below them and her hair was a complete mess. "Let's go then!" Joan's face showed confusion, but as Jack pulled away, she saw that they were serious. "Tell him how you feel, say goodbye." Race gave her a soft smile as he nodded towards the window. He was right, Joan had to tell Spot how she felt.

The group ran to the harbor, still no sun up and the streets were empty. Joan had on the jumper, Spot gave her the night before. Her hair was flying in the air as they reached the crowded harbor. Many men were walking around, loading things on the boat which seemed to be the one to leave. In front of it stood Pete, talking to the captain. Both of them looked stressed. Joan quickly ran up to him, the other ones following after her. "Pete!" Her voice broke, it was sore from the screaming. The man turned around, wearing a suit. "Joan? Hey, what's wrong?" He placed his hands on her shoulder as he saw the distressed state she was in. "Where's Spot?" He looked around and pointed towards the ship, men already pulling on ropes, signaling everyone they were about to leave. She turned away from Pete, running through the crowd, pushing herself past the men. "Spot?" It was painful to scream and you could tell how weak she was. "Spot!?" The wooden board which was the way on and off the boat was pulled away, making Joan stop in front of the Ship. "Spot!?" She tried one last time, no answer. Tears were already streaming down her face, as a familiar dirty blond head leaned over the rails. "Joan!" His gaze met hers and a smile spread on the woman's face."Spot!" The man was leaning down to her, both of them being apart for only 7 feet. "I love you." She screamed up to him. A wide smile appeared on his lips as he looked around to find a way of the ship, but then it started moving. "Fuck." He ran towards the end of the railing, Joan following him on the ground. "Don't you's forget me, Princess." She looked up to him with a teary smile. "I could never." Everyone around them continued with their work. On the ship, everyone was running around, pulling on ropes. Just Spot stood there, not moving a muscle. He smiled at the woman on the ground, taking in every single inch of her. Never in a thousand years would he forget the way she stood there. Her hair flew to the side. "I love you, Joan Kloppman!" She looked into his eyes, taking in a deep breath and the very last energy she had left. "I love you, Patrick Spencer Conlon!" Both of them chuckled. But Joan noticed how the Ship was slowly moving out of the harbor. She walked across the landing stage, not losing eye contact with the man on board. "Goodbye, Joan," Spot said in a low voice, Joan only able to hear it quietly. And that was when she reached the end of the stage. "Goodbye Patrick." They didn't stop looking at each other until the ship was too far gone. And with it, Spot Conlon.

3 weeks later

Joan was packing up most of her belongings, getting ready to move. Her grandfather has already left for their new home, giving the woman some time alone with her friends, to say goodbye. "Letter for Joan Kloppman." Quickly, she ran towards the entrance to face the mailman who handed her the brown envelope. She shot him a nod before sitting on the stair, ripping the piece in her hand open. A letter and a dry flower fell out of it. She smiled at it, placing it on the envelope next to her. Softly she opened up the letter to see messy handwriting.

My dearest Joan,

We've arrived in Norway about one week ago. It's been hard. The food is disgusting and most of the men on board get see sick pretty fast. I won't say that I didn't throw up the first days on board though. This country is beautiful, America is nothing compared to these landscapes. I wish you should see it. Knowing you and your mind, you'd love it over here. The nature is breathtaking and the people are way too friendly for my taste. I noticed how similar you look to them. Still, no one can compare to you. I miss you. Your face, body, and hair. I miss talking to you and hearing your laugh whenever something stupid happens. See what you're doing to me? I'm writing a letter to tell you how much I miss you. You're probably laughing right now. Pete is laughing as well. He told me I could write this letter in his room. You won't believe it, but we're good. We started talking because of you and now we're starting to become friends. I don't even like writing this stuff, but this is all thanks to you. We'll be going to Germany next and after that down to Spain and Italy. Like I promised, I'm bringing you things from every county. And because I know how much you hate surprises, a Norwegian dress will be waiting for you under my bed right next to your ribbon. I'm sorry, I never told you that I took it. Anyways, I will be returning in about 9 months. Please wait for me. And don't you think I forgot about you? Because I could never forget you, Joan. Writing these words I just realized how much you mean to me. How bad I want to hold you in my arms again and kiss you. I wanted to apologize for the way I left, for not saying goodbye at the lodge. But I wasn't able to look at you and go with the thought of leaving you behind. When I saw you at the harbor, it showed me again that I would've stayed behind if I had talked to you that night. Thank you for showing up, it gave me the motivation to do good. Seeing how much I have written, I think that this is our goodbye. Don't want Pete to be angry with me for stealing too much of his paper. Alright, you know I don't care, but to be honest, my hand hurts, and no words can explain how much I want to see you again.

Watch out for yourself.

I love you.

PSC x

Joan closed the letter and felt her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Spot was alright and enjoyed working. He didn't forget about her and missed her. She was proud of him for everything he did. She placed the letter back inside the envelope before getting up. Slowly she walked up to the counter and reached for her bag. Taking one last look around the house. She thought about everything that has happened here. How she first met the newsies, her and Jacks' accident in Brooklyn, meeting Spot and taking part in the strike. She was leaving all of this behind to start a new life away from them. Away from her friends, her family. But then it hit her. She couldn't leave this city just yet. It had too many memories. She couldn't leave them behind in fear of forgetting them. And there was only one way to stay and keep the memories of Spot Conlon. It wasn't the best idea, but knowing herself, she knew it would work out. She would be able to stay with her friends and as soon as Spot came back, she'd be there. It's not that far from Harlem to the harbor.