brooklyn nights

chapter twenty-one

memorial;

3rd person POV

"Spot Conlon wasn't only our leader. He was our glue. Knowin he's out there in the sea is what makes the proudest. We all know how much he liked the water and knowin that he'll be with it forever makes this less painful. Still, we lost one of us. One of the newsies." Butter spoke to everyone standing in front of the Brooklyn lodge. No one could have imagined how many people would come. Every Newsie from around New York came to pay their respect. Joan could swear she even saw Denton behind everyone. She stood next to Butter with all the other leaders. Her Newsies were watching her every move, not knowing why she was so hurt by Spot Conlon's death. Most of them didn't even know that she used to be a Manhattan girl. All they knew was, that she is one of them. "Key?" She looked to her side and saw Butter waiting for her, making Space in front of everyone else. Slowly making her way up to the box on which Butter stood earlier, she reached for the picture in her pocket. "Spot Conlon was a brave man." Every word which was spoken before died down. Not one of the people in front of her dared to speak. "For me, he wasn't a newsie nor the king of Brooklyn. For me, he was Patrick Spencer Conlon. The man I thought I'd spend the rest of my days with. He was an asshole, that's for sure." She chuckled lightly, trying to hide the tear building up inside her eyes. "He had a big mouth and never knew how to shut it. We all respected him, which he earned with hard work. That's how we's goin to keep him in mind. A man that earned everythin he got. Nothin he had came by itself." The grip around the picture got stronger as she was talking. "I just know that if he was here right now, he probably couldn't contain his laughter. I mean look at us, all standin here to say goodbye to a man who couldn't care less if he was liked or not. But I am sure that every one of us has something that we liked about him. Even if it's just his fluffy hair which always laid over his forehead. Oh, how I hated it that he always had to stroke it behind his ear whenever we were talkin. Or his attitude. That boy knew how to be dramatic. I remember us havin a fight. All he wanted was to show me that he was in control. I was so stubborn, tryin to make him notice how much I cared for him." Suddenly, she couldn't hold back her tears anymore and just let them flow, not caring to let everyone see them. 

"I hate how much control he had over me, how much he still controls my emotions. I remember the thought of him havin met another girl on his travels to Europe. Being mad at him for not keepin his promise. But that's not Spot. Spot Colon was a man of his words. That's how I know that he loved me. The night he left, I wasn't able to say goodbye to him. I didn't know how. Tell me, how can you say goodbye to the person you love the most? You never knew how real love feels and then someone comes into your life and changes that. I can still feel his lips on my cheek. I can still hear his voice in my head. I can still smell his scent. I can still see his stupid grin. Knowin he won't come back isn't what hurts the most. But knowin that he helped me become what I am today and him not bein able to see that, me not bein able to thank him. That's what's the most painful about all of this." Her voice broke. But still, no one was able to say a word. They noticed how much pain the death of one man has broken her. "And I will never be able to forgive myself for not takin every moment we shared, for granted." She wasn't talking loud. But still, everyone was able to hear the heartbreak in her voice. "I will never forgive myself for lovin him. I will never forgive myself for not showin him how good of a person he is. And what I regret the most is, that I'm still talkin like he's alive. In my mind, he's goin to step out of this crowd with that cheeky smile of his and just stay there. In the rows in front of me. I see him in every single one of yous. The same spark in your eyes that he had. The same motivation to get out of here and start a better life. And with all my heart I'm tellin you; do not give up that dream. We will have a better life. Spot Conlon is the best example." Feeling the urge inside of her, she stepped down from the box, walking closer to the water. She slowly got on her knees, taking a ribbon out of her back pocket, wrapping it around the picture, before placing it inside the water and watching it drift away before sinking into the deep water.