Tainted Series#6 : HIDING FROM THE BILLIONAIRE (Calyx Zachary Villegas) Comp

Chapter 17

"It's okay not to be okay." I started with a smile plastered in my face.

I was invited as a guest speaker in my Alma Mater and was tasked to give a motivational speech for the nursing graduates. I graduated with the highest Latin honor in both my premed and medical course and topped the Physician Licensure examination. 

"There were times  in our lives that we feel sad and it's okay. We are broken, exhausted, tired and helpless,  it's okay. We cry, we weep, we shed buckets of tears, it's okay. We scream, we yell, we shout, still, it's okay. It is okay not to be okay. But you know what's not okay?"

Tumigil ako sa pagsasalita at nakangiting tumingin sa kanila. 

"It's not okay to dwell with that emotions forever. You can be sad, broken or exhausted but make sure, after that you will rise, you  will stand up, you will move one and be the best version of yourself."

"Since we were young, we were taught to always be the best. And to be the best means to be the greatest among others. Do you agree?" I asked smiling to the graduates who were looking at me with so much admiration in their faces. Almost all of them nodded and agreed.

"But I disagree." I continued with the same smile in my face which earned buzzes from them. "You wanna know why?" 

"I always believe that striving to be the best is not about a life of constantly beating or competing with other people so that you can be at the top. It's not about stepping down others so you can be above, rather, it is conquering a greater enemy other than the people around you. And that person is you...yes you! The person in front of you when you're looking at the mirror, nothing but you and yourself. "

"Everyone fails but not all who fail is a failure, for failures are only for those who did not have the courage to stand up after they fall." I paused and look at them again, remembering the younger version of myself. Remembering those times that I stopped believing in myself, those times that I was so broken and devastated. 

"We fail, it's inevitable...but, we will never give up. I was once a failure, you know..." I paused and look at their funny reactions. They are looking at me in disbelief, yung  iba mukhang ayaw pang maniwala pero ngumiti lang ako sa kanila. "...believe me,  I once considered myself a failure and reached to the point of giving up. But, I stood up and get back to the track and fought for myself, fought for my dreams...my parent's dreams." I felt the lump on my throat upon mentioning about my parents so I paused for a while. I don't want to remember what I did earlier today at baka hindi ko matapos ang  speech ko.

It's been years but still,  I feel like it happened only yesterday. Minsan nga hindi ko namamalayan na umiiyak na lang ako. May mga times talaga na bigla na lang akong nalulungkot. Despite being one of the best I can't still feel that I'm happy. There's a part of me that is missing. Deep inside, I feel hallow, I feel empty. 

Pero agad kong binura ang kung ano-anong pumasok sa aking isipan bago pa ako maging emotional. Muli kong binalik ang tingin sa mga kabataang nasa harapan ko. Mga kabataang puno ng pangarap. 

"Life is full of surprises, indeed. Sometimes we have to enjoy the roller coaster rides before we could get into the cloud nine, before we could reach into the top. But as I've said, it's okay as long as you are not stepping into others. As long as you are not forgetting where you came from and you are not forgetting yourself."

"Minsan kasi mga bagay kahit nasa tamang panahon, wala na ring saysay kapag wala na 'yung mga tamang tao sa buhay natin. Kasi mabalikan mo man ang lugar, hindi mo naman mababalikan ang panahon at pagkakataon na pinalampas mo para sa mga taong mahalaga sayo."

"Do not be afraid of failing, as long as you keep learning, you keep winning.  Never stop growing. Never stop pushing yourself. Never be afraid to try new things. And remember, no matter how dark and hurtful the past was. Bear in mind that these are the foundation in building a sturdier version of yourselves."