the one that got away | seongjoong (✓)

• XXXVII •

after two weeks of meetings with his team, the company, and his support systems, hongjoong had finally made an important decision. he would be taking some time off from music, and spending some time healing and relaxing so that he could come back stronger than ever. although he was still extremely nervous and hesitant about this, he knew it was for the best. he knew he had to do this for himself, or else things would never get better.

"alright, hongjoong, all of that sounds perfect. you just record that video whenever you're ready, okay?" youngjae said.

hongjoong nodded in response.

"okay. text me when you've recorded it and i'll let you know what time to post it on your accounts. after you do that, delete all of your social media apps and you're free for the next few months."

"completely free?" hongjoong asked softly.

"completely free. i'll check in from time to time, but other than that, i won't be bombarding you or anything. these next few months are for you, okay? you get to decide how you spend your time."

"wow..."

"yeah... it must feel really weird, doesn't it? you've been all 'go, go, go' for the past five, nearly six years now. you deserve the break, hongjoong. you really do."

"thank you, hyung. i'll let you know when the video is ready."

youngjae nodded and gave hongjoong a hug, then the older of the two was on his way. hongjoong went up to his practice room, sighing softly as he took out his phone and leaned it on the music stand, reading over the script he had written for himself and then hitting record.

"hi, everyone. if you don't know me already, my name is kim hongjoong. i first want to begin by saying that i am eternally grateful for each and every one of you who supports me, and i could not have made it this far without you. u-um... after my first anniversary of debuting, i promised my fans something. i promised to be as transparent as i possibly could with you. i refuse to break that promise, so there's a few things you should know.

"first, i'm reading off a script right now, but don't worry, i wasn't forced to have this. i wrote it myself, just to have so i wouldn't mess up what i wanted to say," hongjoong laughed. "next, these past few months have been some of the absolute hardest since my debut. i wanted to share this for a few reasons... my company kept things quiet about this for my own privacy, but it has been a while since it has happened and i am now comfortable sharing this with you. about two months before my last comeback, a so-called fan broke into my apartment and attacked me. she claimed that she would k-kill me if i didn't go out with her, if i didn't promise to be hers. thankfully, my neighbors heard all the noise and called the police, and she was arrested.

"the next thing i wanted to share about how hard these past few months have been is actually in relation to my mental health following this attack. i have suffered with depression for years, as most of you may recall me saying in the past. i have periods where it doesn't affect me as much, and other periods where it takes complete control of my life. following the attack, i fell into a really deep hole with my depression, and it became really hard for me to do anything. i want to thank yunho and mingi, who many of you know as my best friends and dancers, for getting me through that. without their help, i don't know what i would've done."

hongjoong took a deep breath, preparing himself for all that he had left to say.

"there's another person i'd like to thank for that, but he knows exactly who he is, so i'll leave it at that. also in relation to my mental health, the anxiety i have struggled with for years had increased following the attack, which made doing everyday things, even just picking up my takeout from right outside my door, really tough. i'm doing much better now, but it was still really hard. like i said, i want to always be transparent with you guys, and if you struggle with your mental health too, i want this to be a reminder that you are not alone.