the one that got away | seongjoong (✓)

• XLIII •

TW: mentions of physical assault

the first week at the cottage flew by, and hongjoong was doing better than ever. the two boys had gotten into a comfortable routine, spending each night debriefing their thoughts, which allowed for hongjoong to let a lot of his feelings and worries out into the open. tonight, hongjoong wanted to go in depth with seonghwa about how trapped he felt, and how harsh his thoughts really were. he wanted to really talk about the assault from his sasaeng and open up about how truly traumatized he was.

"hwa..." hongjoong said quietly, walking into the bedroom.

"yes, my love?"

"i have a lot to tell you... but i-i don't trust myself."

"don't worry, bug. i'm not leaving your side. if you're scared of something, you grab onto me, you do whatever you feel is necessary to make yourself feel safe. can you do that?"

hongjoong nodded.

"okay... come here, gimme a kiss."

hongjoong laughed weakly, then sat down on the bed and leaned in to kiss seonghwa sweetly.

"i love you, you know that?"

hongjoong smiled small, nodding.

"i love you too, hwa. i always will."

seonghwa pressed a soft kiss to hongjoong's temple, then adjusted them so they would be more comfortable as the younger told him what was on his mind.

"okay... um... where do i even start? i-i guess... i knew that someone was stalking me. i knew, but it scared me so bad that i didn't tell anyone... i was afraid that she would hear me? i didn't want to put anyone in danger... i-i never once assumed i was putting myself in danger. um... i-i don't know... i never saw it coming. eventually the fact that she was stalking me slipped my mind, i was just so in the zone of things. she snuck into my apartment when i was showering. i was in my room changing and i heard the door start to open a-and... t-there she was," hongjoong explained, his eyes widening as he remembered the events.

"joong... breathe, baby... take deep breaths."

"r-right..."

hongjoong took a couple of deep breaths, snuggling into seonghwa's arms as he went to continue.

"s-so... she came in a-and the first thing she did was say hi i-in this sickening tone... i was already shaking... a-and she came towards me. i-i asked her w-who she was, w-what she wanted from me... i-i told her i'd give her m-money, a-anything to get her to go away... a-and she said she didn't want that... s-she just wanted me... i-i backed into a corner... c-closed my eyes. a-all i said was no. a-and she didn't like that."

"joong, baby... look at me, focus on me..."

hongjoong looked up at seonghwa and smiled weakly, then the older kissed his nose.

"you're safe now, yeah? remember that..."

hongjoong nodded, then continued to speak, this time looking at the older.

"so... she c-came towards me. a-and i was terrified... a-and... the first thing she did was s-slap me across the face. s-she said i couldn't say no to her. a-and i hid my face, i-i said that she needed to stop, a-and she laughed. s-she started choking me, c-called me weak... a-and threw me onto my bed. she got on top of me and held me down, told me that i had to be hers... s-she said she would ruin me if i wouldn't. i-i told her the truth, i-i said to her that i-i don't like girls... a-and she was disgusted. she no longer cared about me, she just wanted to punish me for being gay...