Mob Boss Series Book #1: The Russian Heir

Chapter Nine: The 'D' word

Bryce's POV
"I just feel incompetent."

"Honey I can't pretend I understand exactly why you feel that way but no one knows how to be a parent. There's no manual and you can never be ready to have a child even if you plan for it."

I held her hand so that her soft palm rests on mine.

"That's something I can fix by changing my mindset but there's something I can't fix." I sighed. I walked away from Lettie because I knew damn well I can't give her a baby. It's something that is out of my control. "I'm sterile."

"Sterile?" Her hold on my hand weakened as she eventually pulled away folding them together. Is she shocked or disappointed? "Sterile as in shooting blanks?"

"Don't put it like that."

"Sterile isn't any better of a word Bryce. Are you sure? Do you even know what it means?"

"Of course I do! How shallow do you think I am?"

"There's a difference between being sterile and being impotent so which one is it?"

I played with my fingers. I haven't come to terms with it either. It was about a year ago when Sofia pressured me to get a full check up. The doctor later asked me if I had any intention of being a parent. I told him maybe. I wasn't so sure then. My only worry back then was whether I'll make a good father. Losing touch with my father has made me question everything. I don't believe in myself anymore. Fatherhood had become a no go zone for me but when the doctor told me I may not be able to father children, it hit me pretty hard. I left without waiting to know more. I have never gone back.

"Mom-"

"How? How are you sure?" She got up.

"A doctor told me."

"One doctor? Did you seek a second opinion? Have you had unprotected sex and Lettie didn't get pregnant?" She bombarded me with questions. It's not easy for me to talk about this. It's embarrassing. I never thought I had a problem and I'm yet to accept it. "Is it that you can't get hard and stay hard-"

"Mom! Enough! I'm not going into the details of my sexual health with you!"

"But isn't that why you asked me to come here?" She flung her arms in the air.

This house is empty. There's not much. If we speak any louder all of Brooklyn will hear my embarrassing secret. I wish I never found out. "That's why but I don't want to tell you details. Who are you calling?"

"Hi Ferrer. Do you have a minute?" Is she serious? "I need you to talk to your grandson."

She held the phone in her hand putting it on speaker. This is just like when we were kids. Dad never took us to the doctor's office. He told us we have to learn to speak for ourselves. Failure meant related doctor's visits and we hated it. Mom always forced her way into the doctor's office even when we were teenage boys and had private things to tell the doctor.

"Bryce, what's going on?" My grandfather asked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Mom is just throwing a fit."

"He says he's sterile." Mom blurted out. "One doctor's opinion. It could be wrong, right?"

"Bells, if I'm on speaker, please give the phone to Bryce."

"I want to hear!"

"Bells, reproductive health is a really private matter. I know you're concerned as his mother but sometimes, you can't be in the doctor's office with him. I'm hanging up."

He hanged up.

Seconda later my phone rang. I debated whether to answer. I ended up answering. My grandfather is a cool guy. I know he won't put me on the spot like mom.