Daphrene Darson Dopples' Sea Bestiary for Dummies

The Vile Viperlaune

Threat level: 16/20
Hostile?: Yes
Intelligent?: Yes
Diet: Carnivorous
Category: Man-sized predator/Miscellaneous
Where to find them: Nightmare Reef
Size: 7 feet long, seventy pounds

Out of all the other beasts of the sea... I've never been more scared of anything than the Viperlaune. I've been eaten alive by a Fearmongering Frogmouth, nearly crushed to death by a Sailor's Taunt, stabbed in the leg by a Siren, but none of that had ever given me a nightmare or a second thought. Sure, I'll always remember those moments, but only as memories, really crazy and risky memories... When I first met a Viperlaune... I don't just consider that a memory... I consider that a nightmare, a real nightmare that I experienced, in REAL life! I know it seems like I'm exaggerating. For crying out loud, the damn creature's as tall as a man!

Any average Joe could shoot one and be over with it, but... I tell ya, I've never met a man with the nerve to kill a Viperlaune directly... Never... I remember when I was nine, way, way before I became a pirate... I was out on the dock, my mom was asleep, it was a very pretty afternoon. Almost an evening, I guess. The sky was purple, red, a little bit orange, the Sun was setting come to think of it. I was screwing around with a broom I found, smacking at seagulls and pretending they were minions of the Snallygaster. 

But then... I heard this weird hissing. I don't know how to describe it. I looked around and found nothing, so I just continued to antagonize the seabirds... But then I heard another sound... Sounded a bit like chittering or wheezing. I had no clue what could've made that noise, and being the stupid, little adventurer I was, I couldn't resist the curiosity. It sounded like it was coming from below the dock. I straggled my way down the steep and sandy ledge of rocks and seashells, the orange and red light reflecting off the waves, then I saw it...

I saw a bunch of red, glowing slits in the water... Fangs like jagged daggers... And leathery, beautiful wings slowly spreading and blocking the sleepy Sun, making that chittering, hissing, wheezing noise... I approached it curiously... I would've slapped my past self if I were there... Strangled him, shook him around and shouted at him to run away... The thing stood up, its silhouette in the light. Its wings folded down slowly, and its red eyes slowly narrowed and a set of fangs grinned at me. My heart raced and I couldn't stop myself from gasping from sheer terror.

I was a kid, you see, a stupid, stupid, STUPID kid... I still held the broom in my hand, and I looked at the creature. it had no arms, but a pair of large, leathery wings that spread out endearingly, like a mother ready to give her returning soldier a hug... I heard a voice... It was raspy, a little gurgly, almost like a drowned, elderly woman... It sounded like... "C'mere, my darling... Give your Holly a hug." It was my grandmother's voice... It was unmistakable, completely unmistakable!!!

Before I knew it, the monster was right up to my face, grinning profusely. I stared at a wall of sharp, yellow fangs. I could smell rotted flesh, blood, and other unspeakable things no child should ever have to smell. Then the thing said to me in its hideous and gurgly voice, "Give us a kiss, won't ya?" I snapped out of it and whacked the beast on the head with the broom and got the Hell outta there! I swear, I heard that thing screeching and crawling out of the water after me!

I felt something wrap around my leg and pull me back, but I persisted and clawed my way up the rocks and sand to see my mom's worried face. She pulled me up, held me, and took me inside. To this day, I still feel a shudder up my spine just thinking about that horrid monster's face... Now, Viperlaunes are a lot like Sirens, except they're terrible singers. Instead, they lure you in with endearing mimicry. Viperlaunes like to spy on folks and copy their voices to the best of their ability to lure in certain prey.

For example, if a Viperlaune hears word of a loved one dying, he'll lure the most saddened one in with a surprisingly good impression, and you know the rest. They can't fly with those wings, but they're pretty damn good swimmers. You might think they're Sea Dragons, but they couldn't breathe fire to save their lives.