You Rock My World

I just...really fucking missed you

Seonghwa woke with a start as his phone buzzed loudly by his bedside. He groaned, reaching to turn it off but the sharp pain in his side quickly halted him.

Gritting his teeth, he tried to adjust himself so he could reach it without pain but his entire body ached.

Sighing, he turned his head to read the caller id but just as his eyes focused, it turned off.

He turned his head back to stare up at the ceiling, letting his eyes close. But he couldn't sleep anymore.

He glanced at the window and saw it was still dark out so he couldn't have been asleep for too long. And Hongjoong had never come to bed.

Although...he probably wouldn't have slept in there anyways.

Seonghwa moved to sit up just as the door opened a crack and he saw Hongjoong poke his head in.

"Oh—I'm sorry! Did I wake you up?" he whispered apologetically but Seonghwa shook his head.

"No, I was already up," he said with a faint smile.

"Oh, good," Hongjoong sighed, sitting in the doorframe awkwardly.

"You can come in if you really want."

Hongjoong's eyes sparkled as he nodded and stepped inside. He made his way over to the bed and sat down on the far end, keeping a distance away from Seonghwa.

"How did you sleep?"

"Not terribly. What time is it?"

Hongjoong pulled out his phone and gasped at the screen, quickly putting it back in his pocket.

"Not too late."

Seonghwa doubted that.

"Hongjoong. Have you been staying up in case I need anything? When you should be sleeping? Because you're going to have to run practices entirely by yourself?"

Hongjoong crossed his arms, pouting.

"How do you expect me to sleep when the man I love is in pain?"

"You're being dramatic. You need to sleep. Come on."

Seonghwa instinctively pulled back the cover, preparing to help him fall asleep the way he always did when Hongjoong had too much on his mind. But they both knew things weren't normal right now.

He glanced at Hongjoong before starting to pull the covers back up.

"No—wait! If...if it's okay with you, I'd like to sleep in here tonight. I miss sleeping on a real bed," he said with a tiny smile.

"That's the only thing you miss?" Seonghwa asked, taking his turn to pout.

Hongjoong smiled, crawling forward and wrapping himself around Seonghwa like a little monkey.

"No," he grinned, and Seonghwa smiled with satisfaction.

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong rest his head on his shoulder and he felt warmth rush through him. They hadn't been so close to each other in a long time. He felt tears forming in his eyes.

He missed it so much.

"Woah—hey, what's wrong? Is it me? Am I moving things too fast? I know you didn't want me to do anything earlier so I don't have to—"

"No, it's nothing. It's stupid," Seonghwa laughed as he felt his face surrender to tears. Hongjoong held onto him, stroking his back.

"Remember, you can tell me anything."

Seonghwa only felt worse hearing that. How many times had Hongjoong told him that? And yet he'd kept so many secrets...Even though he felt like he was crying over nothing, he decided to tell Hongjoong. From now on, he would tell him everything.

"I just...really fucking missed you."

Hongjoong pulled back to look at him, his expression softening.

"Aw, Hwa," he said his eyebrows drawing upward.

Seonghwa looked away, wiping his tears.

"But enough about me. It's time for you to go to sleep."

Seonghwa pulled the covers back and Hongjoong slid underneath, turning on his side. Seonghwa brought his hands to his shoulders and started to massage them, something he always did when Hongjoong was stressed. He always got so tense there.

Eventually he slowed and pulled his hands away, checking to see if Hongjoong was asleep yet. Hongjoong reached a sleepy hand back, tugging on Seonghwa's arm. Seonghwa listened and let Hongjoong pull his hand over to his stomach, resting it there. Seonghwa pulled him closer, until they were touching.

Hongjoong's shampoo filled his nostrils and he let his eyes close. He smiled, burying his head in Hongjoong's shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered in Hongjoong's ear but the other was already fast asleep.

Seonghwa felt the tears coming back but they were calmed this time. They slowly ran down his cheeks and he wiped them on Hongjoong's sweater as he brought his head further into the crook of Hongjoong's neck.

He hadn't changed his mind at all.

He needed to perform the song for him.

He needed to say thank you.

He just wasn't sure what the best way to do it was. Last time it had been almost thoughtless as the competition was the obvious place to play it for him. But now he didn't have any grand event for his grand gesture. Would Hongjoong still think it was as special?

He'd have to come up with something. And soon. He still didn't like that Hongjoong had forgiven him so quickly. After everything.

And he knew he shouldn't be holding him right now. That he didn't deserve to be holding him.

But he was weak. He wanted Hongjoong back so badly. And he would make it up to Hongjoong.

He just needed a plan.