You Rock My World

Do you...still have feelings for him?

"Joongie?" Seonghwa stared in surprise.

"Hey."

Seonghwa felt a tide of emotion coming over him and he threw his arms around Hongjoong, pressing his cheek into Hongjoong's shoulder.

"I've got you."

They stood intertwined for a while, just feeling each other's presence.

Seonghwa would never get used to the feeling of safety Hongjoong gave him. When Hongjoong held him in his arms, it felt like no one could ever touch him. He felt so secure. And so loved. So wanted. Needed, even.

Finally his guilt caught up with him and he pulled away. Hongjoong lightly placed his hand on Seonghwa's cheek, thumbing away his tears.

"Hey, it's okay. I think it's time for us to talk."

Seonghwa nodded and walked into the room, letting Hongjoong close the door behind them.

They sat down on the bed and Seonghwa laid his head against Hongjoong's shoulder. He grabbed Hongjoong's hand and started tracing the lines on his palm.

"There's something I've been hiding from you."

Hongjoong nodded.

"I know."

Seonghwa's fingers came to a stop and he dropped Hongjoong's hand.

"I know Minho. I've known him for a while."

Hongjoong grabbed his hand again, giving it a tight squeeze.

"I know."

Seonghwa went quiet. Hongjoong had already told him he knew what he was hiding. So it seemed kind of pointless to spell it out. But he needed to do it.

"Hwa...I just don't understand why you didn't tell me. Who was he to you?"

So he hadn't figured it all out. Seonghwa bit his lip. A tear rolled down his cheek as he looked down at their interlocked hands.

"He's...my ex."

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong go rigid. He looked up to see the veins in his neck pulsing. He ground his jaw, looking away.

"The one you told me about?" he asked, controlling his hostility.

Seonghwa looked down.

"Yeah."

Hongjoong's hand flexed slightly as he grappled with the new information. Seonghwa placed his hand on top of it to calm it.

"Hongjoong I'm sorr—"

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

Seonghwa looked up to see tears in Hongjoong's eyes, frustration painted across his face. Seonghwa couldn't bare to look at him but he forced himself to. Forced himself to see the hurt he'd caused.

"I...I didn't want you to be upset."

"I deserve to be upset! Knowing what he did to you!"

"I know."

"I hate that I've been so nice to him. It makes me sick."

"I know but—"

"But what? I'm supposed to just—forgive him??"

Seonghwa looked at their interlaced hands.

"He's changed."

Hongjoong looked like he wanted to say something more but he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Seonghwa waited for him to speak, playing with the ring on Hongjoong's left hand.

"Hwa...I want to believe you. I do."

Seonghwa kept his eyes on the ring.

"But you can't. Can you?"

Seonghwa made eye contact with him and Hongjoong bit back tears, shaking his head. Seonghwa released his hand, sitting back against the headboard.

"How do I convince you?"

Hongjoong pulled his knees to his chest, rocking slightly.

"You could start by telling me the truth from now on."

"I told you the truth but you don't believe it."

"I know there's more to it than that, Hwa. I know you say he's changed but...have you?"

Seonghwa turned to him, eyes wide.

"Hongjoong...what are you saying?"

Hongjoong pressed his chin into his knee caps, his grip on his shins tightening.

"Do you...still have feelings for him?"

Seonghwa felt betrayed. He felt abandoned. After Minho had accused him of the same thing.

But maybe the reason he didn't want to hear it was because it was true.

He stared at Hongjoong, unable to speak.

"Seonghwa...it's okay. You can be honest. I won't be angry with you. I know how he vanished on you. I would be worried if there weren't any feeling left behind."

Seonghwa slowly shook his head.

"No."

Hongjoong didn't turn to face him.

"Seonghwa...I'd rather hear the truth from you than keep pretending we're okay."

Seonghwa felt tears forming in his eyes and reached forward to grab Hongjoong's cheek.

"We are okay. We're not pretending. I love you, Joongie. Only you."

"Seonghwa, please! Just tell me!"

He pulled away, moving to stand. Seonghwa grabbed his wrist, halting him. He looked up into Hongjoong's soft, almond eyes.

"I don't have feelings for him. He's nothing to me."

Hongjoong slowly slid out of Seonghwa's grip.

"Then why couldn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you!"

"Lying hurt me more. You don't lie to the people you love."

"Hongjoong—it doesn't mean I have feelings for him! I just—"

"Maybe that's what you think. But I'm not so sure. I love you, Hwa. But...I think I need to be alone tonight."

Hongjoong turned and headed for the door, causing Seonghwa to scramble off the bed after him.

"Hongjoong, please! Let's just talk about this!"

"I'll talk when you're ready to be honest with me. Right now, I just need time to process everything."

"Hongjoo—"

"Don't worry. I won't touch him."

Seonghwa fell back at his words. That wasn't what he was going to say. But he couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of relief.

"Joongie..."

"Good night, Seonghwa."

"I love you."

The door closed.