You Rock My World

He won

The next day Hongjoong and Seonghwa started their separate missions. After practice, Seonghwa headed for the bathroom down the hall from Stray Kids' practice room.

After a bit of hard work, he forced out a few tears and waited, getting ready as he heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway.

"—I mean I think we could always do more with Chronosaurus but—hold on, wait here."

It was Chan's voice so Seonghwa panicked a bit, praying that Hyunjin would be nearby.

Chan walked in to see Seonghwa in the middle of his fake crying session and seemed awfully convinced.

"Hey, what's going on? Is everything okay? Come here," Chan pulled Seonghwa into a hug, rubbing his back gently. Seonghwa didn't have the heart to tell him he was just acting so he stuck with it, and thank god he did.

Not more than a few seconds later, Hyunjin walked in.

"Woah—Seonghwa are you okay?"

He rushed over, grabbing some paper towels and bringing them for Seonghwa to wipe his face.

"It's nothing—I'm sorry for bothering you guys. You don't have to worry about me. I'm just being dramatic."

"Hey, if you need anything, you know you can talk to any of us. Do you want me to go get anyone? Hongjoong?"

"No! No, it's fine. I kind of just want to be alone right now," Seonghwa muttered, grateful Chan had accidentally helped his cause.

"Hey, let me talk to him. Why don't you go make sure the members know where they're going, okay?" Hyunjin whispered to Chan, flashing a serious expression.

"Are you sure? I don't just want to leave him," Chan whispered back but Hyunjin nodded.

"I've got him. Go."

Chan seemed unsure but he left and Seonghwa was alone with Hyunjin.

"I'm sorry I've been such a mess lately. You really don't have to stay here."

"It's alright. I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Seonghwa looked down at his hands nervously, trying to give the impression that he was hesitant. But he had every intention of talking.

"It's just...I thought Hongjoong and I were in a better place now but he's still hiding things from me. And I know I just complained about this and I know it's not a big deal it's just—I feel like he doesn't even see me as an equal."

He let a few tears fall and braced himself over the sink. Hyunjin held his back lightly.

"Hey, it's okay. You have every right to be mad about that. He didn't tell you why he left you the other night?"

Seonghwa grit his teeth, looking away.

"It's more than that. He ditched rehearsal yesterday without an explanation."

"He did what!?"

"And I was going to let it go but when he came back he didn't tell me anything. When I asked he just blew me off. It's like he thinks he's the only one in charge. Like I'm just some second-rate replacement for whenever he doesn't feel like doing his job. I just—it's not what we talked about when we said we were going to join our groups together..."

Seonghwa bit his lip, realizing some of the things he'd said were hitting a little too close to home. Not that he really thought Hongjoong didn't care about him but he had definitely felt it wasn't everything he'd hoped for.

But it didn't mean Hongjoong wasn't trying.

"I'm really sorry, Seonghwa. I can't even imagine what you're going through. That really fucking sucks."

"I don't know. Maybe the group would be better off if I just let him be the only leader."

"Don't say that! You led your group to victory at your debut Rock Festival! If anything, you should be the one who leads the group."

Seonghwa lost his train of thought.

"Wait—what did you say?"

"Your debut? As Wonderland? When you killed it at the Rock Festival?"

"You said—victory."

"Wait—you didn't even know who won?"

"No—we...we kind of agreed not to look at the results."

"Was that your decision or Hongjoong's?"

Seonghwa paused.

"Hongjoong's."

"Seonghwa...you never needed Hongjoong to get to where you are. It was all you. If anything, he should be thanking you for letting him feed off of your victory."

"But...he didn't know..."

"Can you be absolutely certain?"

Seonghwa bit his lip. Jongho might have seen it. And he could've told Hongjoong. He might've known this whole time.

Another thing he was hiding.

"Seonghwa...I think your group is amazing, everyone is really nice and really talented. But maybe...you'd be better off without him."

Seonghwa stepped away from the mirror, staring at himself.

Everything he'd done had worked. His grueling late night practices, his strict leadership. They had won. All this time he'd thought Hongjoong was right. That his way of leading was right. That he needed to change. That he was the one in the wrong.

But he'd done it. After all of the shit he'd been through to get there...

He won.

"I'm sorry—I'm not trying to get in between you two. It just makes me so mad that he makes you feel insignificant. You're the true face of the band, Seonghwa. You're the heart of Ateez. Not him."

Seonghwa nodded, his head too busy to let him respond.

"I shouldn't have said so much. I'm sorry. I'll go. But you know you can talk to me if you ever need anything."

"Thanks."

It was all Seonghwa could muster before Hyunjin gave him a quick squeeze and exited the bathroom.

How could he know for sure that Hongjoong hadn't known this whole time?

He trusted him. He did.

But the possibility that he could've been lying to him for months...

After everything Seonghwa had done to change himself.

Had he just followed another boy whose only goal was to use him for his own success?

What if Hongjoong had been making up everything about the spies? What if JYP was really the one on his side? What if everyone else could see what was happening except him?

Had he just been played all over again?