The Family Business (Steve Rogers)

Chapter 40: Son of a Bitch

A month had gone by since Cara had been taken, and with each passing week a lot of the team was becoming discouraged. They had followed every Hydra lead they had, each time taking down a piece of Hydra here or there but each time they returned to the tower empty handed. No Cara, and no lead on where she could be, or what happened to her. The first place they had gone was to the facility in Russia where Bucky knew the Winter Soldiers had been kept. This had been their first dead end however. When they had arrived they had found it completely abandoned. recently burned files lay in heaps, nothing substantial left to decipher what had been on them. They also found the other 3 winter soldiers, in their cryotubes, each with a single bullet to the head. In addition to those three, there were several other bodies in cells, all dead, either stroked out or heart failure from the look of them, a couple were bent into inhuman shapes, torment still plastered on their face.

Steve barely slept anymore. He was either training or searching for clues to where Cara might be, refusing to give up hope that she was still alive, even though some had given up that hope already. After their last mission, when they had turned up nothing again, Rhodey had made a comment that maybe they were searching for nothing. Steve had promptly kicked him off of their search missions after that. He refused to let anyone who doubted she was still alive, still okay, to help look for her because in his mind, if they were doubting then they weren't going to fight hard enough or look hard enough for her or for clues. For the most part, he kept his composure, driven, determined to find her and taking charge of everyone on missions. Tonight however, was a different story.

Sitting on Tony's landing pad walkway, one leg outstretched, one leg bent, he stared off in a trance as he occasionally picked up a bottle of whiskey, taking large swigs out of it. His mind was racing, her face always present in his mind, as well as her laugh, her smile, everything about her. He was beyond angry, he was in pain. Angry that he couldn't find her, angry that this had happened to her, angry that he felt helpless. With the anger, there was also the sorrow. Sad that he laid alone in his bed unable to sleep, sad that his arms were without her, sad that without her part of him was missing as well. Tonight, the sorrow and anger were winning, leaving him in a pain he could not relieve. Bucky walked passed the 2 already empty whiskey bottles on the ground as Steve picked up the half empty one, swigging from it again. He didn't even look at Bucky as he stood looking down at his friend sympathetically.

"Hey bud, how you doing?" Bucky offered softly.

"How the hell do you think I am Buck?"

When Bucky didn't answer, Steve went on staring angrily at anything but him.

"Huh? You think I'm just peachy-fucking-keen while she's out there, going through who knows what? Or if she's... NO."

Steve pushed the thought out of his mind, he refused to believe or even think that she was dead. He wouldn't think that way, he'd never give up, even if it killed him in the process. He picked up the bottle again, downing the rest of the whiskey and smashing the now empty bottle against the concrete railing wall. Bucky took in a deep breath looking up at the sky before rolling his head back around to look at Steve unimpressed.

"You can't even get drunk Steve,"

Whipping his head around to look at Bucky, he stood up at the same time.

"I KNOW THAT BUCK, I KNOW!" He yelled in his face.

Bucky didn't flinch, he briefly cast his eyes down slightly shaking his head before looking back at Steve. He could see the tears building, brimming in his eyes. He knew how badly his friend was hurting, how much of himself he was giving to find her and how he would never be the same if they didn't.

"Hey, I know, I know that you're hurting. I know how much it must suck to have to keep all that pain inside around everyone too. But its just you and me right now buddy, you don't have to put on a show for me." Bucky said placing a comforting hand on Steve's shoulder.

His hand felt like a 100 pound hammer. Steve buckled at the knees, dropping to them, his arms fell loosely to either side of his legs, and he was suddenly out of control. Crying finally, tears falling like rain from his eyes, he let his pain out. They started silently then grew to pain filled cries. Bucky Knelt in front of him, pulling him carefully in for a hug to which Steve resisted at first, wanting to wallow in his misery as self punishment, bust eventually gave in.

"I love her Buck, I love her. I love her so damn much I can't lose her, I just can't." Steve cried out painfully.

Bucky nodded his head lightly, "I know you do, I know. We're going to find her, we will. We'll get her back."

"I can't- I can't lose her Buck, I can't. She's the love of my life, I can't be without her. I just love her so damn much, I love her-" Steve frantically and emotionally continued.

Bucky stood now, trying to get Steve back to his feet, all the while trying to calm his murmuring. What he needed was a good night's rest, or at least to be in his own bed, not sitting on this balcony all night drinking to no avail. Steve reluctantly staggered to his feet as Bucky get under Steve's arm, helping him inside. Whatever effects of the alcohol he was feeling, would wear off soon, but in the mean time he was still a mess. Bucky got him quieted down by the time they got to the elevator. As they stepped on and the doors shut, Clint stepped out from the shadow he had slipped into when he had heard Bucky and Steve talking. He walked out onto the balcony, staring down at the bustling city, processing what he had heard and seen.

No wonder Steve had been so driven to find her. It hadn't been just because they were partners or that she was part of the team now that had made Steve so driven to find her, it had been because he loved Cara. One of his best friends was in love with his sister. He assumed Cara felt the same way, the way she lit up and came to life ever since she had moved into the tower was unmistakable. Clint had only thought it was because she was moving into the tower, when here it could have been because of Steve all along. Though now was not the time to confront him about it, they all were hurting, and they needed to work together to find her. How could he have been so blind to it? As he crossed his arms, bringing a hand up to gently massage his temples, he quietly muttered to himself

"Son of a bitch."