Johnlock Fluff (mostly) Oneshots

If I Would Have Known

Is this me actually updating about once a week? What a shock lmao. This is a songfic (which I've never done before so please let me know if it's shit and that I shouldn't do another one) so it's not very long. I got the idea yesterday when I was coming to my grandparents for the weekend and I was listening to "If I Would Have Known" by Kyle Hume, and I thought it'd make a pretty funky oneshot. Slightly angsty because it's post TRF, but not overly angsty (I don't think). Enjoy. 

John's POV
"Hey Sherlock" I said, walking over to the grave and sitting next to it as I began to talk.

I still see you in the places we would go like your face is painted on the walls

"it's been 18 months today since you left me, and I still see you everywhere we used to go together. I even had to quit my job at St Barts because I would see you fall every time I went near the building."

I've been trying to forget all the moments that we spent

"I've tried to move on, Sherlock. I really have. I tried with this girl, Mary her name was, but it didn't work out. She wanted me to forget you and make new memories with her, but I couldn't, as hard as I tried, but it was impossible."

'Cause now I do it on my own

"Since you left me, I've had to do everything on my own. I just seem to push everyone away, even Greg, and I don't mean to, but I do."

Oh you and I were like the summer, but now it's winter here on my own

"I know that this is life just moving on, but the world feels so cold without you, Sherlock. I want your warmth back."

If I would have known

"If I knew that you felt this way, I could have helped you, you know. I would have stopped you from doing this because now I'm left all alone again."

That you wouldn't be here anymore, I would have made the moments last a little longer

"I wish I knew this was going to happen, even if I couldn't have prevented it, because then I would have cherished the time we had together more. I would've made sure to make more memories with you."

'Cause now I'm alone, and you're just a memory in my mind

"I'm alone Sherlock, I truly am. You were the only thing keeping me alive and now all you are is a painful yet joyful memory."

I would have given anything to say goodbye if I would have known

"I never said goodbye. You didn't give me the chance. I yelled your name, but you never got to hear me say goodbye. You deserved that from me at least but I failed you. I'm sorry."

Oh I remember how we would laugh all the time

"Every night, I have dreams. Dreams of you coming back home to me. Dreams of reality being a dream. Most commonly, dreams of my memories. Our memories. The first night, laughing while running through the streets. Us giggling at crime scenes when we really shouldn't have been. Now I'll never hear your laugh again."

But now you're not around and I'm just trying to find something else to fill the empty spaces you left behind

"Every once in a while, it'll hit me all over again that you're actually gone, and not coming back. Nothing seems to fill the void you've left in my heart or ease the pain that you caused."

But nothing ever seems to work

"Nothing works, Sherlock. No matter what I do, I'm depressed and hung up over you. I really should have told you I loved you, shouldn't I? That probably would have helped somewhat."

I've been thinking 'bout the things that you used to say

"Ironically enough, you're the only reason I haven't given up and I haven't tried to join you. Do you remember when I first moved in and was still having nightmares and you comforted me? I hope you didn't delete those memories. But when you comforted me, you would tell me things like you were glad I made it out alive so that I eventually met you, and that you were proud of me for not giving up after everything I've been through. Those words always come to me when I'm thinking about joining you in death. You wouldn't want that."

Even not around, you're in my head every day

"Even when you're dead, you're telling me what I can and can't do in my own head."

But it's fine, I don't mind, I promise I'll be okay

"It's fine, though. I don't mind. It's probably a good thing because as long as I have a piece of you in my head and my heart, I'll be okay."

If I would have known that you wouldn't be here anymore, I would have made the moments last a little longer, 'cause now I'm alone, and you're just a memory in my mind, I would have given anything to say goodbye

"I want to be angry at you for leaving me, but I can't do that. I'm mostly angry at myself. I'm just upset that I'll only ever have the memories of you, and I'll never get the chance to make new ones. I also have to live with the guilt of not saying goodbye or admitting that I love you. I'm sorry for not coming to visit you in so long. It hurt too much, but my therapist encouraged me to come back here. I've got to go now but I'll be back soon, I promise. I miss you, Sherlock."

I got up to leave, placing my hand on the gravestone and allowing a single tear to fall before turning and leaving.

Sherlock's POV
I stood, hidden in the distance, watching John, listening to every word he said.

"I miss you too, I'll be home soon" I whispered to myself.

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I hope you guys enjoyed. As I said, I don't think I've ever done a songfic so there's a good chance that it completely sucked but oh well. I hope to be updating again soon-ish (the next one will actually be fluffy) so yeah. Thanks for reading <3