I'm Worried That if I Go Outside the World will Collapse

Lolita

I am young
And fragile
I am small and I cry at the slightest raise of a voice
You are strong
With your too-big-hands and gruff voice
You look at me like I'm your next meal
Something soft and fulfilling to sink your teeth into
I am your forbidden fruit
The little doll you want to play with
No
Your scratchy hands tease the hem of my skirt 
I taught myself that beauty is power
Sex is meant to be just that
An exchange of power
You're addicted to me
I'm your pretty little pony-tailed heroin
When you hold me down
I tell myself this is power
That I am in control
That you need me
And that must make me powerful
Years pass
He is so small
He is gentle
And kind
And soft
He cries about sad movies
He loves me
He wants to stay the night
He wants to hold me in his arms
But that isn't power
And
It's just sex
I tell him
But why do I feel so helpless when he leaves me
So small
And weak
If I'm in control
Why do I feel like this
If I'm control
Why do I feel twelve years old again