Lost In The Stars

Chapter 9*

'How can I sleep if I don't have dreams? I just have nightmares how could it be? I still believe something is out there.' - The Neighbourhood.

Sometimes I like to wonder what it would be like if my parents were still here. Would life be any easier? Would people not look at me with pity? Would Todd still be a part of my life? Would I be happy? So many questions but no answers. Sometimes wondering only gets you upset, it sure as hell makes me feel like that. No matter how many times I'll tell myself they're not coming back I just don't believe it. I don't even listen to myself. What is wrong with me? One day I'll be happy with myself, I'll look back at this moment and think, hey you grew from that. Hopefully, I'll think the same thing after all these years of sadness. I look up at the sky and look at how bright the stars are shining, they're shining for me. Mom and Dad know how I'm feeling and they grow a lot brighter to remind me that they're always there. Well, that's what I like to think. The grass tickles my back, I run my fingers through the prickly, dehydrated grass and breathe a sigh of reliving. Coming here just takes all the stress away. 'I miss you guys' I whisper it up at the stars as a little message to them. I hear a movement from behind the tree I get up and walk around the tree to see what the noise was. There he is sitting there with his back leaning against the stalk of the tree.

"How long have you been here?" I ask him, He jumps with fright. He didn't know I was here. He turns around and looks me in the eye. His eyes look red as if he's been crying.

"Hey, you okay?" I throw another question his way,

"Yes, I'm fine." He says quickly rubbing at his eyes trying to make it seem less obvious that he's been crying. Been there done that.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were here I'll leave if you like I know you don't want me here." He says beginning to rise from his position on the ground. I put a hand on his shoulder and shake my head no.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure I might as well let someone else admire the beauty of this place," I say looking up at the sky.

"It's a very relaxing place to be, lets your thoughts wonder." He says

"I feel the exact same way," I say with a smile.

"So what brings you here?" He asks me,

"Some stuff is going on at home and I just wanted some time to process everything and here is the best place to do that,"

"How about you?" I ask him.

"I guess you could say the same thing here." He says with a little laugh.

We sit there for a moment the only sound is of our breathing. I look over at him and I can tell that he's battling with himself, I hope I don't make it that obvious.

"This is nice." He says,

"What is?"

"Having you here. It wasn't easy back home we had a rough time, at one point I think we were going to lose the house. As if dad leaving us wasn't enough mom lost her job and I swear we were so close to ... I don't even know. And my mind wasn't in the best state of mind because of Sa-" he stops mid-sentence and coughs a little trying to play it off, "It just wasn't easy and having you here you just make it all a little easier."

"I don't know why I just said all that, you probably don't even care." He says his smile falling from his face.

"It's the opposite actually, I care," I say looking at the ground,

"So, how about we play that game again?" He asks me.

"What the question game that I love oh so much?" I say sarcastically,