Adventures with the Witcher(s): A Multi Witcher Story

Chapter 2 (Lambert): Trouble with Trolls

"You goes no far more," the one Doe troll demands, "Who is you? Speak, humie womyn." "This cave, trolly cave." "Troll cave," the other troll Du whispers. "Huh? Ah...aye, this troll cave," Doe corrects himself.

"Uh," you weren't sure what to say. These trolls were big and could easily overpower you, and Lambert was nowhere in sight. But they were sentient enough to speak in human tongue. Maybe you could try and communicate with them despite the bad grammar. Hopefully you could buy enough time for the witcher to come and find you.

"I didn't mean to fall into your cave," you address the trolls, "I stumbled in here by accident. A rock slide spooked my horse and I tumbled in here."
"You no goes troll cave?" Du seemed confused, "No goes troll kills?" "Uh, no I'm not here to kill you," you assure, "Like I said, I'm here by accident." 

"Ah, then what this?" Doe points to where your daggers where sticking out, "backclubs,  womyn has. Backclubs womyn has, kill troll?" "They're mine, but they're not for you," you hastily assure once more, "I told you, I'm not here to kill you. Look, no backclub," you pull the daggers out and slowly place them to the ground, "you can take them if you want." "We no wants them," Du shakes his head, "Ick, metal. Mouth stings." "Okay, okay," you nod and kick the daggers back in the opposite direction. This was something of a gamble you were taking, but you needed to play your cards right if you were to get out of this cave without two huge rock trolls chasing after you.

"I'm guessing you haven't had the best experience with swords," you say. "Ick, backclubs bad," Doe nods, "human backclubs, monster kill. Trolls monsters." "You womyn, you backclubs have,' Du notices, "you no strike. Just talkie-talkie. Womyn good?" "Doe like womyn," Doe says, "Womyn, nice stench." "Uh...thanks, I guess," you say deciding to accept the compliment despite the fact you were currently covered in grime and dust as a result of that tumble you took into the cave.

You look over the fire and see there was a large cauldron over it. Judging by the smell, there was something cooking in it, something rancid. You discretely cover your nose, "uh, what's in that pot of yours?" "Stew," Du answers, "Dwarfs and barely. You wants?" "Uh, no thanks," you shake your head, "I already ate. Also I'm on a low Dwarf diet. Look, much as I appreciate your uh,  hospitality, I really need to leave and make sure my horse is alright. So if you don't mind, I'm going to go now. Nice talking with you."

"Yous stay!" Doe demands, making you stop in your tracks, "womyn me likes, womyn stay." "But I want to go," you try to reason. "Yous stay," Doe insists in a rather forceful tone, "or stew womyns join." Your eyes widen a bit. During this conversation, you had forgotten that trolls can just as easily talk with people one minute then throw them into a pot for supper the next.
You needed to think of some way to outsmart the trolls. 

"You really don't want to eat me," you tell Doe and Du, "I'm uh, I'm...infected!" "Infectsted?" both trolls seemed confused. "Uh, yeah," you continue the ploy, "I gots parasites. Worms in my uh...tubes. I'm completely riddled with worms, it's...really bad, I wouldn't risk it. Don't want you two getting infected either."
The trolls exchange looks, both in confusion and disgust. You smirk internally, grateful that you remembered that one scene from the Hobbit movies.
"So maybe, it might be best if you let me go. If I stay any longer the worms might crawl out of me and into you," you back track towards the cave's exit.

"Stops!" Doe demands again. "What now?" you ask, starting to get annoyed at this point; you also recalled that ruse didn't exactly work on the trolls from the Hobbit as well. "Yous lying. Womyn no worms has. Yous run goes try. Womyn stays must with trolls. Understanded"
"Okay, I understanded- uh, I understand. Fine, I'll stay," you concede, trying to think up another plan. 

You look at the cauldron again, another idea coming to mind, "You know," you speak to the trolls, "your uh, dwarf stew would probably taste even better if you added some more things in there." "Likes what?" Du asks. "Well...how about some parsley?" you suggest, "bet that would make your stew taste amazing. Maybe I'd even give it a try myself if you were to put some parsley in there."