Desire - Merddison

Chapter Nineteen

Meredith's POV

"OK. There's a couple of forms you need to sign." Finn says as both me and Derek reach to take the form from his hands. "I only need one signature."

"You?" Derek says to me.

"It's fine." I say back almost at the same time, gesturing for him to sign it.

"Here, I'll sign." Addison says as she takes the forms and elegantly signs her name.

"So, how do we do this?" I ask.

"Well, I'll give Doc an injection of terazole to make him sleepy, and then I'll give him an IV injection of pheonbarbitol."

"And that will stop his heart?" Derek asks.

"Yes." Finn says, with sympathy.

"And what do we do after? With his body?" I ask, not wanting his body to just be forgotten about or left somewhere.

"We can... we have the means to dispose of it for you."

"That's fine. Go ahead." Derek says, but it's not fine. I don't want him to be 'disposed' off. Considering I know just how that feels.

"We can't throw him away like he's garbage." I interject.

"We would never..." Finn says but I jump in.

"He's our dog, Derek." I plead with him, not wanting to just throw Doc away.

"There's uh, a clearing by the trailer." He says.

"Overlooking the water?"

"We can, uh, bury him there."

"That sounds nice." Says Addison.

"You ready?" Finn asks all three of us. I mean know, I'm not ready, but I know it's best for him to do this.

"Yeah.." I say to Finn before turning my attention to Doc, "I'm so sorry, Doc."

"I'm sorry too."

Addison's pager beeps, almost making me jump.

"It's the hospital. I've got to go." She says, looking sadly at us both.

"OK."

"Ok." She says back to Derek and then exits the room, and I immediatley miss her presence.

Finn begins and we watch Doc slowly close his eyes and fall asleep for the final time. The tears wont stop. I see death basically every day, but watching Doc slip away just hit me so differently.

***

Addison's POV:

I slip on my heels that I've chosen to pair with my dress. It's long, red, halterneck and backless whilst is hugs my figure in all the right places and helps to define my long legs. I put on some subtle red lipstick and adjust my hair one final time.

I enter the area of the hospital where the prom is being held and it looks amazing. The decorations are gorgeous and the dance floor is already filling up with people, people from Camille's school, her friends, and countless staff members who have the night off.

I see Derek and Finn talking before I turn to see Meredith walking down the stairs. Her hair so effortlessly beautiful, her dress showing of her frame, her make up done so lightly, highlighting all of her delicate features. She looked breath taking. Everything about her outfit was perfect. Everything about her was perfect.

Addie, no.

I look to my husband. And I see him, also looking perfect. He always did look so handsome in a suit. He looks at Meredith but once she walks up to Finn and they walk away together, he turns away and looks at me walking over to him. He looked like Prince Charming right now. He also, looked perfect.

"This whole thing brings back very traumatic memories of being a band geek with braces and the lisp. Spending the whole evening with Skippy Gold talking about Star Wars." I say to him whilst filling up my glass with a bit of punch before drinking it straight away.

"I hated Star Wars." Derek says, almost too quietly for me to hear above the music that was playing.

"So, you want to, um, dance?" I ask him. He says yes and we go over to the dance floor and hold on to each other whilst we dance slowly to the song that was playing.

After a few minutes, I see Meredith and Finn also slow dancing. We turn around during the dance and I can somehow notice that Derek is staring at her. Watching her.... wanting her.

And once we've spun back around again, I see Meredith staring too. I don't know if she's staring at Derek or me. Derek has his back to her and she is still staring, so maybe it was at me? And I just can't help but stare back at her. And then her gaze shifts to Derek again. She wants him back too.

She pulls away from Finn and says something inaudible from where I am, and then runs off out the room. I stop dancing with Derek and tell him I have to go to the restroom. But really, I watch where Meredith goes and follow her.

Meredith holds her dress as she begins running down the empty halls, looking panicked. I continue to follow her until she stops and goes into an empty exam room. I still follow. Until I am also in the room where she is. She hasn't realised I'm here yet. Not until I shut the door quietly behind me.

"Oh, Addison." She says, sounding out of breath.

"Meredith.. wh did you run away? Waiting for Derek or something?" I ask her, suspecting that the reason she ran off was to send a signal to Derek for him to follow her. I could feel my blood boiling, surging with anger.

"No. I just needed some air. It was hot in there. Just needed to get away." She panted. What a lie.

"So, you weren't waiting for Derek?"

"No. Good no. Everything between me and Derek is over. I don't feel anything for him anymore." She says to me, her eyes staring into mine. Another lie.

"Why would I believe that? I'm stood there dancing with my husband, having a good night, and I see you dancing with Finn, but staring at Derek the whole time. Even when he had his back to you! He had his back to you and you still wouldn't take your eyes off him. And I know he feels the same away about you. I know he does. I tried to ignore. Tried to pretend I was just seeing things, that I was just being paranoid, going crazy, but I was right. He still loves you. He still wants you." I rant to her as I feel my face turn to a deep shade of red.

"I wasn't! I don't want Derek. I came here to get some air. I don't even have feelings for Derek, I feel absolutely nothing for him!" She shouts to me. What do you know... another lie.

"Oh my god, stop lying! You want him back! I've been busting my ass, trying so hard to make my marriage work, but he isn't even interested because he still wants you. And you want him. You were staring at him for ages!" I shout back to Meredith.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY, I WASN'T STARING AT HIM?! God Addie," Meredith shouts, calling me by my nickname, I've never heard her say it before, it was nice, it made my stomach flutter, "I DON'T have feelings for him, and I wasn't staring at him!! I was staring at you! I can't stop staring at you. The feelings aren't for him. They're for you, the feelings are for you, the staring, was at you!" She continues to shout.

I'm floored by this revelation, from this proclamation. I have no idea how to respond to something like this. How do you respond to that?!

"And I've been trying to ignore it for ages. I've tried moving on. And there is an amazing guy out there waiting for me, who really likes me, who has all these plans for us both, that I can't like back. Not in the way that I should. Not in the way I like you. There has been nothing between me and Derek for months now. I wouldn't go back to him even if I was offered a million dollars. Because I don't want him! I don't have feelings for him. I have feelings for you, I want you!" She yells once again, crying this time.

I'm still rooted to the spot. My brain finally catches up, I move slightly. I walk towards a crying Meredith. Without even realising, as if I have no control over my body and mind, I grab the back of her head, push her hard against the wall, and I kiss her with all the force I could muster up. My hands cupping the back of her head as I carry on kissing her and once she finally realises what I'm doing, she kisses me back. Our tongues fighting for dominance, so far with no winner. It feels like the first kiss. The first right kiss.