Desire - Merddison

Chapter Thirty Five

Ooooohhh bit of angst there in the last part. Gotta have some drama.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER

Tears streamed down Meredith's face as she drove back home. She didn't even know those words were going to come out, they just did, like word vomit. Part of Meredith can't quite believe what she had said, but she definitely had said it. Her blood was still boiling, she was still seething with anger, but also immense guilt. She called Addison 'Satan'.. that's what Derek called her, and that's one thing she never wanted to do. Never did she want to use words against her the way Derek did, or ever even hurt her feelings like he had. But she did exactly that.

Back at the hotel, Addison was still floored at what had just happened. Her jaw didn't seem to want to lift itself back up. All of her loud guilt laden thoughts whirled around her brain even faster, intensifying by the second. Anger began to slowly replace the guilt. Anger towards herself, to the situation, and now even to Meredith. How could she say those words to her? That name? Sure, she would joke about that name herself, but hearing it in the context Meredith had used, really did deeply hurt her.

She had to sit down and take a breather, to gather her thoughts, to decide what to do next. Is that what Meredith truly believed about their relationship? Deep down, she knew she didn't quite help the situation. She had pushed Meredith away, but she done it because she didn't want to pile her problem on top of Meredith's mountain of problems. Running her fingers through her hair, she inhaled sharply whilst she fought back the tears as best as she could. 

This had to be fixed, Addison couldn't stand to let it end like this. She knew she needed to talk to Meredith, confront her, for the things she said, but also for her own actions. That niggling feeling of anger for her was still there though, just slowly growing. Blowing up in Meredith's face was the last thing she wanted to do. But she had spent the past couple of days trying to suppress her emotions, that now, everything was just feeling a million times worse.

Deciding that she needs to sort this, Addison chucked on a hoodie and sweatpants and headed straight to her car. Meredith needed to know the truth. No matter how much anger Addison currently felt towards Meredith, she knew it had to be put aside and to tell her what was really going on. The majority of her anger though, was to herself. If the tables were turned and it was Meredith who had avoided her, she would more than likely feel the same way. The words were echoing in her ears "fuck you. Once a Satan, always a Satan" Did Meredith really mean that or was it just the anger talking? It hurt deeply when Derek called her that, but coming from Meredith almost felt as if she was being stabbed in the chest. The whole car ride to Meredith's house was spent with those words replaying in her mind. Anxiety and anger building more than ever the closer she got to her destination. She really didn't want to argue with Meredith.. but she knows herself, she knows what she's like and it probably would be an argument. Although at this point, she was pretty sure it was already an argument.

As she got out of her car, she took a deep breath in and walked slowly to the front door. The idea of just knocking the door filled her with fear, but she had to brave it and just knock.

She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Izzie come to the door. At least with her answering, it means she wouldn't have the door slammed in her voice.

"Oh hi Dr Montgomery. What are you doing here?" Izzie asked.

"I really need to speak with Meredith, is she in?"

"Um yeah, but she's not in a good mood. No idea why, but she's been up there screaming, crying, trashing stuff. George and I attempted to go in to calm her down but I think we just made it worse instead." Izzie shrugged. She opened the door fully and let Addison into the house. "Good luck." She heard Izzie say as she walked past her.